Sadly, Aquaman was never able to finish college.

All his grades were below C level.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Woodsie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the stinkiest kind of teacher?

A substi-toot teacher.

Told by my son and his friend (1st grade) who worked on this joke for about 30 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bklynman01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I was at a hotel and asked the front desk to switch my pillow out with one filled with feathers...

...It was a down grade.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RivetJoint08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter was watching The Little Mermaid so I asked her if she knew why Sebastian was kicked out of college?

It's because all his grades where under da c

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBum80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't think Marine Biology is the right major for me.

My grades are below C-level

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to college to become a meteorologist but I quit because

too much of the grade was based on class precipitation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientVariety
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why princess ariel didn't finish high school?

Because her grades were always under the C.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ineedapapaya
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
High school started out promising for me, but I ended up selling meat as a job.

I guess you can say I butchered my grades.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamz000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his β€œpromposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you get the buttons wet in a submersible?

Because they're submarine grade.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.

Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irish_car_b0mb21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
So my name is William

And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill?

Me: They call me both.

Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you.

I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatATaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently that’s not how you grade exams.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I failed my HVAC course...

I studied asbestos I could...

Probably should have insulated my grade a little better...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaSnap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I got an eight on my test.

I asked the teacher about my grades, and he said I’m an eight-iot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColaNaught
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the requirements to work in marine biology?

Your grades need to be above C-level

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How long has Anakin been evil?

Since the sith grade

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the landscaper that got kicked out of college?

They found him changing grades.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frupp110
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday

I told her she will get it if she gets good grades, does her chores or follows the house rules.

Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because it's either my way or the Huawei.

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/all_shall_hail_me
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey, do we own a graduated cylinder?

No, it never made it past the 11th grade.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Son, I’ll never forget where I was when I heard the news that JFK was shot.

It was my sixth grade American history class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my last job, all I did was test soft drinks

It was just soda grading

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How to catch an elephant. A story by my dad which got me a walk to the Principal's office in 2nd grade

Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.

To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.

And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!

Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGoodLordsTaint
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
🚨︎ report
I graduated with a Chemistry degree, but the only job I got was testing carbonated beverages.

It was Soda grading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
As a English teacher, I proud of myself at how good my students are teached. Thus I were dismayed when no paper writ by them all was worthy of a mark of even a C...

It was D-grading.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My math teacher said that I'm a terrible student

How mean! If I had to sum it up, I would say that’s not the best mode to say that to me. Maybe they should try to factor in the student’s feelings when telling them they need to tell them they need to fix their grade. I told them to factor that in next time, but they just couldn’t see my logic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the sailer ground his son?

His grades were below C level

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlie0918
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the fish stay in grad school?

Because all of his grades were under a sea

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do teachers and road workers have in common?

They both grade on a curve

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Things with "dad" in them

Crawdads, doodads, hodads, your mom, the babysitter, your second-grade primary school teacher ...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
This is my dad's favorite joke that he tells all the time (long)

It's the end of the Kindergarten year, and for all the kindergartners to graduate to first grade they all have to take a simple test.

The teacher walks up to the first kid and goes "Okay Jimmy. To graduate we have to name a few simple body parts. Where are your fingers?"

Jimmy wiggles his fingers.

"Good. Where are your knees?"

Jimmy points to his knees

"Very good. Last question. Where is your nose?"

Jimmy points to his nose

"Very good! How did you know all that?"

Jimmy points to his head and says, "Kidneys"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbjokes101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Brought a tear to my eye

I'm currently teaching at a summer program for kids going into 1st grade through 6th grade. I've been using the opportunity to relentlessly torment the kids with dadjokes and puns, naturally.

This morning, one of my 6 year olds was having breakfast. She looked down at the oatmeal and said "Oooh, this is hot, and I'm cold."

She then instantly looked up at me and insisted "Don't call me cold, don't call me cold, don't call me cold!"

I'm so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakana
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
🚨︎ report
What do grades look like?

Mom talking to my brother: "What do your grades look like?"

Me: "Letters."

Hear dad laugh from the kitchen.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
🚨︎ report
It's overcast but nice

It's a grade-a grey day

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m3ltph4ce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?

He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s...

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Percy Jackson, son of the sea God. Did not do well in school.

His grades were below C level.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twindadlife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My son wasn't feeling well this morning.

When my son got up this morning he said he wasn't feeling well and might not be able to go to school (he's in 1st grade). When I got to work I texted my wife and asked how he was doing.

Wife: He's fine. He just had to poop.

Me: So what you're saying is... he was full of shit?

I think I showed at least 15 people at work that text exchange before I left for the day.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freetattoo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Pun request! (Punmergency? No...)

Hey all! Sorry if this is against the rules somehow, but I am looking for some pun assistance. I'm a teacher and am setting my room up with a jungle theme. I want to decorate the door to my classroom to say "Welcome to the Third Grade Jungle..."We've got ...." with some kind of academic spin on "fun and games." Either fun or games can stay in the pun, but I figured I couldn't just straight up quote G&R without making it school related too. I'm usually pretty good at puns (post title nonwithstanding) but am coming up empty. Thanks so much!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllieBallie22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olafur-andri
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently that’s not how you grade exams.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that JFK was shot.

7th grade World history class.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Me and my daughter were driving by her school and she said β€œhi school!”

I said β€œno, grade school.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cormac2020
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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