I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs ‘WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?’
Edit: so happy that one of my home-made dad-jokes is so well-received :) thanks, everyone!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone
I was getting really tired of its shirt.
Just grab the first pun I can find on my phone for cake day, hope you're not disappointed.
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?”
and it activated the front camera.
Pardon me but I live in France and am writing this by Google Translate. Thank my God for modern day technology. I am speaking French into my phone this moment and I get the English translation. Father, if you are reading this, I need to tell you about my true sexuality and why I have no girlfriend.
My phone keeps changing fuck to duck
It’s okay it’s still fowl language
I threw my phone from the roof and it broke.
I guess airplane mode wasn't working.
I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies.
My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
I told my wife not to worry about her smart phone and tv spying on us….
Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!
My son came to me saying the text on his phone is suddenly larger.
"Of course!" I said. "Everything is bigger in texts."
Why couldn't I connect my phone to the car?
I never knew what the deal was when using my phone on the bed
I was on the phone with my wife and had the best dad joke
We were both laughing. I wish I could remember how it went but I just can’t recall.
I was talking on my phone in the library.
The librarian walked over. "Please be quiet, the people around you can hardly think."
"That's a bit mean," I said, "they don't look that stupid."
I was talking with my friend on the phone about his diet , But before he closed I shouted "Wait!".
I never seen him that thin before.
I always leave my phone on vibrate
My wife asked why our baby keeps trying to eat our phones
I told her it’s because they’re Apples!
There's a power cut and the electrician is dodging my questions over phone calls.
He is keeping me in the dark.
I bought an electric power station and now my phone is in jail
It was charged with battery
I just threw my phone…
I found out later that’s not the correct way to put it into airplane mode
I was setting up a voice recognition software for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away.
Now I am still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
I explained to my son, "If you think our microwave, phone and TV spying on us is bad..."
"Our vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
I intentionally left my cell phone at home when I went to visit the Vatican for the first time
But somehow I still incurred massive Roman charges.
The guy who stole my phone should...
I told my wife I deserve to be knighted after I fixed her dying phone.
I saved a damn cell in distress.
My 'WhatsApp' keeps crashing on my phone and won't run properly....
So, I've downloaded something called 'The Bugs Bunny' to fix it.............
It's a 'WhatsApp Doc.'
My wife phones me up at work for a chat...
“I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"
She says : "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
“OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"
She says: "Well, the air bag works..
So I named my phone Titanic
Now whenever I use Bluetooth it says that Titanic is syncing.
Whenever my wife's on her period she has the weird thing where she phones me up and just exhales deeply..
It must be her menstrual sigh call.
I told my son to hand over his phone and play with his toy bricks.
But he didn't want to Lego
I needed a new charger for my phone, so I went to the store. Finding an employee, I asked him for help and he told me he could sell me a DC adapter for ten dollars. I looked him square in the eye and said "Nice try, buddy..."
"But I live in Kentucky, not Washington, DC!"
I just got an invoice from my phone company.
Now, I'm no expert on how the phone system works... but shouldn't I be getting an outvoice too?
My phone has a hangover..
Apparently we took too many screenshots last night..
Why is my phone cheap as chips?
Because it runs like a potato
^(-wheezes-)
Just deleted all the German contacts in my phone…
I asked a phone store worker if I could park my car in the store
He said "Sorry, strictly Nokias in store."
What happens if I bring my Smart Phone with me to the capital of Italy
I will get Rome-ing charges.
My 8 year old daughter has Samsung Galaxy phone, and today she says
If you are guarding the Galaxy Company, are you called the Guardian of the Galaxy?
Why does my phone always ring when I am in the bathroom?
I guess it was a call of dooty.
If I had a nickel for every time I forgot my phone…
I would be making money in a very strange way.
I dropped my phone and wallet.
Seems things are getting out of hand.
My Dad and I were arguing on the phone about how I’m not careful and need to invest in a better home security system.
He told me how there’s been an increase in crime in our neighborhood and he was going to come over and tell me how poor my security system is.
I told him, “all right Dad, anytime, my door’s always open.”
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
i dropped my phone from the roof and it broke
i guess airplane mode isn't working
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
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