Did you know pill bugs have multiple sexual partners?
They’re roly-polyamorous.
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."
My wife said she didn't touch my freshly painted Firetruck model.
But I caught her red-handed.
What did the vegetarian swimsuit model wear to the beach?
What type of vegetable owns multiple enclosures?
Aquaman backed into my car multiple times yesterday
Where does a Cat showcase their modeling?
Subtraction, addition, multiplication, and
Me: I just read a great book on multiple personality disorder...
Also me: I don't think it was that great, and neither do I!
My doctor said that I had multiple personalities...
But, we don't believe him.
Did you hear about the Mormon drummer that married 4 women with the same name?
Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 1,2,3,4
I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didn’t have what I was looking for and that I wasn’t allowed to leave.
Multiple dogs escaped their handlers
Police are chasing some leads now
What do you call a comedy that takes place in multiple decades?
I like doing multiplications
A Jonathan Galindo but can speak multiple languages
Misunderstanding on purpose
My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" 🙂).
So every now and then this will happen:
Child : Can I get an app?
Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.
Child: no, an APP
Me: yes, lie DOWN
Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.
Me: or an early night?
Child: weary sigh
Me: you do look tired
- thinking I'm the best joker in history*
That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.
The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.
Why are models against air conditioning?
Because they use OnlyFans
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
The problem with models
… is they’re all such posers.
Did you hear about the summer camp for aspiring models? They’re hiring counselors for next year, but it’s not for everyone.
The camp goers are pretty intense.
A painter wanted to get life insurance but was told he was uninsurable...
Due to his history of multiple strokes.
Yesterday I met someone who didn't know what × (the multiplication symbol) meant...
It really is a sign of the times.
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
I'm starting to write a book about a tornado disaster
It's just a draft at the moment.
Why did the snail buy a Tesla Model S?
To drive it around and make people say "look at that S car go!"
There's a girl group that consist of failed fashion models.
They are called One Expression
How does a non-binary samurai kill their adversaries?
A character you can’t play in a game was sliced with a sword multiple times.
I tried explaining to my friend about my disorder...
I cannot control certain jerky movements and multiple other unvoluntary twitches.
He told me he had no time for my poly tics.
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
Once my school had multiple teachers absent and they sent the substitutes to the wrong class AMA
Why can you take multiple mushrooms
They don’t take up mushroom
I caught a person faking being a model
My daughter gave me some model clay earlier.
I didn’t know what to make of it.
I used to suffer from multiple personality disorder,
People always ask why I wear multiple watches
I have too much time on my hands
From my 8 year old, on his path to becoming a great dad: "What did the designers of Darth Vader's costume model it on?"
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
I just showed my friend my model of Mount Everest.
"Is it to scale?" He asked.
"No," I replied. "It's to look at."
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."
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