Mrs Hamill was annoyed when her son and I paid her a surprise visit.
She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, βDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?β In my best bear voice, I replied...
βNo thanks, Iβm stuffed!"
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︎ Dec 26 2020
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club"
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Late last night Mr Peanut was walking home through a bad neighborhood
I have been informed he was a-salted.
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?
Looks like reindeer.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Made this one up myself. Hope you like! Did you know there is a Mr Potatohead knock off?
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︎ Sep 11 2020
A Sippy Cup is called Mr. Sippy, what would you call his wife?
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︎ Oct 05 2020
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 15 2020
There once was a family, the Biggerβs. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
π︎ 27
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
Edit: Thanks for my first ever Gold! I have no idea what it does but it sure is shiny =]
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Apr 19 2019
Did you hear Mr T has a vegetarian son?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 22 2020
What would Mr. Burns say if he were a wizard?
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 01 2020
If I have a son I will name him Data, after Mr.Data from Star Trek.
If itβs a girl, weβll pronounce it Data.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 28 2020
Why did Mr Potato have a mobile phone?
Just in case Mr Onion rings.
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︎ Jun 07 2020
Mr Ed just moved next door to me a few days ago.
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︎ Dec 21 2019
Pacman and Mrs. Pacman used to have a rap group.
π︎ 19
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︎ Apr 17 2020
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
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︎ Mar 23 2020
My dad just told me the worst dad joke ever but I love it at the same time the joke was "Why does Mr Tayto have a phone"
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 25 2020
Mr. Time was ironically always late to his appointments, so to solve this his best friend made a bet with him that if he was late to his firstborn's birth, his friend would name him the most ridiculous name he could think of.
Luckily he arrived at the last second and named him Justin Time
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 11 2020
mr musk with a dad joke
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︎ May 26 2019
Mr. Cleaver got a staph infection...
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 19 2019
Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs Claus
"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."
Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"
"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"
"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."
"Well?" Santa says expectantly.
"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."
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︎ Dec 15 2019
Poor Mr. Vinegar, he canβt catch a break.
Every time he turns around, heβs in a pickle!
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 20 2019
Mr. Pickle has a decent following on twitter...
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 10 2019
What would Santa call Mrs. Claus if she was a slut?
A ho ho ho
On a serious note Merry Christmas
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 22 2019
"Mr. President" could be a great name for a dog...
You could tell him to get off the couch by saying "Get down, Mr. President!"
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 11 2016
"I need to go out for a while, Amelia Bedelia. Can you do this list of chores?" Said Mr. Rogers.
Amelia Bedelia looked over the list. "Okey-dokey!" Said Amelia Bedelia.
When Mr. Rogers came home, he saw Amelia Bedelia stuffing sawdust into his secret marijuana stash.
Mr. Rogers was furious. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, AMELIA BEDELIA?!"
"You said to cut the grass."
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 08 2019
Just mentioned to the Mrs that Iβve always had a little bit of a thing for BeyoncΓ©. βwhatever floats your boatβ she said. βNoβ I said βthatβs buoyancyβ
π︎ 18
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︎ Oct 01 2019
Mr. Peanut & The Energizer Bunny Are Forming A Band
They're calling it a salt & battery.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
"Do you have a name or can i call you mine?" - female pokemons hitting on Mr. Mine
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 07 2019
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 04 2017
"Uh yeah I'm walking around your store barefoot and creating a hygiene problem, Mr.foot locker employee."
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 24 2019
I just crashed my car in a lane between two houses -- one owned by Mr. and Mrs. Ball, and one owned by Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Thank god I was dragged out by the Smiths.
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︎ Jul 13 2018
Mr. T is not a fan of Dave Grohl.
In fact, he pities the foo.
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 18 2019
Batman has always had a soft spot for Mr. Freeze.
He thought he looked cool.
π︎ 7
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︎ May 17 2019
A Japanese mathematician wanted her professor, Mr Zero, to acknowledge her.
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︎ Dec 10 2016
A student today (jokingly) said "Mr. thefisforfinance, I'm being assaulted."
My response: Are you going to be a-peppered too?
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 04 2019
You guys hear Eddie Murphy and Mr. Potatohead are doing a movie?!?
They named IοΈt Spuddy Professor
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 05 2019
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, βDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?β In my best bear voice, I replied...
βNo thanks, Iβm stuffed!"
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
What did Santa say to Mrs Clause when he saw a thunderstorm?
βLooks like rain dearβ
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?
π︎ 132
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︎ Dec 09 2019
Mr. Bigger had a son
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 26 2019
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asks"hey Mr. Seal, what would it be?"
The seal says,"anything but a Canadian club"
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 28 2018
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