Mother 3 Puns

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.

“Tread lightly,” my father warned, “because your mother can’t.”

My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"

She then left the room, cackling.

and mean your mother.

What did the Indian kid say to his mother when he left for school...?

Mumbai 👋

Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?

Gingersnap

Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?

Snickerdoodle

Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?

Shortbread

Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?

Angel food

Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?

Peach cobbler

Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?

Baked Alaska

Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?

German chocolate

Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?

Lemon bars

Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?

Fondant

Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?

Sherbet

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.

She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"

A mother trucker

My mother would have put the "stern" in sternutation.

And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”

His mother was furious.

In a pub will one man start to scream on other man : "hey dude i fucked your Mother" Whole pub get silent and waits for reaction of the other man, but he is silent Man screams again : "Hey! I fucked your Mother" The other man is still in silent... The man screams again even more loud: " Do you hear me you idiot? I fucked your Mother" The second man finally answer with calm voice "Please dad, go home, you are too drunk"

Why was the cookie sad?

His mother was a wafer so long

Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.

so here goes...

(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)

daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?

me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?

daughter: elizabeth-gramma.

me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?

(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)

daughter: don't know, who?

me: my mum.

(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)

My wife is pregnant with our first child so I'm stepping up my joke game to reach dad level.

Mother's day was not so long ago, and since she isn't a mother yet but only a future mother, I didn't get her flowers I only got her seeds, which are future flowers.

At least I found it hilarious and so did she. Hope you guys enjoy this!

Dad: “ what does your mother feed you?” Mom:” The same thing I feed you!”

She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.

Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.

Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.

Daughter: You're an idiot.

'I wish I'd listened to my mother' Why? What did she say? Dunno, I wasn't listening

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

"Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

So I asked what her riskiest encounter was. She said she did not know, but she learned early to give mothers with fat babies a wide berth.

I poked my head in his room, and he was blathering about how he wanted to quit school and be a truck driver.

"I'm gonna get one of those big beautiful Peterbuilts, with all the running lights everywhere. Or maybe a Mack with an extended cab..."

"Better brew him a pot of coffee," I told his mother. "The final is in a half hour, and he's only semi-conscious."

Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week

Me: because she's here at the table with us

“...my mother was never a young boy.”

The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"

The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".

Yea, they get there looks from there mother, Cause I still got mine.

My 6 year old son just told his sister "You butter move out of the way" while helping his mother in the kitchen. He was so proud of his joke he ran across the house to tell me.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport

I told her to ask her father, then got a smack from her mother

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of “ask your mother”.

I have a mother-in-law.

“Mary, my wife, are you here with me?” “Yes, I am, dearest.”

“And Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” “Yes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

“And you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” “Yes, yes we are, daddy!” “Then how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

In her mother's womb.

Hearing this, a little girl leans over to her mother and loudly asks: "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

I told her, "your mother-in-law is way better than mine!"

than when he was my mother