r/puns I am calling on you in time of great need! My friend is going off to a hospital to do some work experience for 2 weeks and he needs all the hospital/medical puns that r/puns can muster!
Any and all suggestions relating to hospitals would be greatly appreciated.
It’s for Hispanic attacks.
Sturgeon general
Sea kelp
He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
He doesn't get paid much, but at least he gets to keep all the tips.
A HIPAA-potamus
Mycoxaflopin
Pro-state cancer
TRYOPENIN
They called it "Snitches get stitches"
But I don’t want no Scrubs
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."
A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor a $500 note.
Doctor: "But this is $500..."
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be $500."
A biop-sea. (Thought this one up while waiting for my biopsy)
Psycho The Rapist
An iron deficiency.
I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
The Elon Mask is their first product.
"You are now relieved of duty!"
Roverdose
I hope you're happy.
Turns out it was a typo.
the joke just left me scratching my head.
I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.
They were definitely 'pot-ners in crime'
From the Offices of Dr.Wiseman
⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳...⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.
⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳!
⬳⬳⬳⬳
Dr Wiseman
So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"
Medications
Strokes
He was a quack.
I hope they're happy
Restless peg syndrome.
Its called the iHurt
I said, “Remains to be seen.”
So they had to cut coroners.
Sturgery!
Gaviscon
i was circumcised when i was born and i couldn't walk for almost a year.
Rover-dose
doing some last minute marketing, anyone can provide me medical related avengers/marvel pun? no matter how bad it is
Attachadictomy.
But it was a type O.
It was an ether/oar situation.
They use the de-FIB-rillator. Works every time.
The hippocampus.
I can finally defibrelate
It's called Tryopenin
It's the hardest one to pass.
Ant-I-depressants!
Park in sun disease.
Most of what I say to patients is ingest.
Stop! We have you coroner’ed!
He won't tell me what it is, but he insists it's as easy as taking candy from a baby.
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
They’re pair-a-medics
You wrote down “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un succumbs to a botched surgery, medically confirmed dead, but then returns from the grave and continues to rule. Based on a true story. Probably.
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
I think her exact words were “severely diabetic”, but I think we all know what she meant.
Stay healthy out there. (From r/memes)
Oh, varies.
After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.
he wanted to transcend dental medication.
Suture self.
For hispanic attacks
For Hispanic attacks.
Mycoxaflopin
Mycoxafloppin.
Its called the iHurt.
A Sturgeon
I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.
A sturgeon general
I hope you're happy now.
