I had a near death experience and really want to maximize the time I have left, so I came up with a bucket list.

Bucket 1 Bucket 2 Bucket 3 Bucket 4 Bucket 5 Bucket 6

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeardedObesity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2022
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What is the opposite of minimize?

Mickey mize.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
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A friend of mine told me how to get maximum returns on my investments

That really peaked my interest!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jche98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2022
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Tax season dad joke: How do pimps manage to maximize their tax refunds?

By reporting all their earnings as Gross Income

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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So I wanted to publish my book on how to maximize storage usage in your kitchen.

But the publisher refused saying they could not publish illegal material. Stupid anti counter fitting laws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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My dad has his moments
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paynis91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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