A groundbreaking surgical technique has been developed that allows surgeons to replace fingers horribly mangled in accidents with cucumbers. While patients are able to grasp objects and complete some manual tasks, they are struggling with fine motor skills.
Patients complain the transplants are too cucumbersome
I found my gun manual.
I still have trouble shooting.
What genre is the instruction manual for WD-40?
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on the same book for years?
My gun wouldn't fire properly so I had to check the manual
I found a solution in the troubleshooting section.
(Thank you Scott Reeder for this gem.)
I am writing instructions manual on how not to fall from stairs
Geez it has lots of steps.
Man to Psychiatrist: “I am depressed. All three of my sons want to be valets when they grow up.”
Psychiatrist: "Hmmm, that is the strangest case of parking sons disease I have ever heard of.”
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as
reading sex manuals without the software.
My wife went into labor in the car.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually
I took me 20 minutes just to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
Son: Dad, according to the manual, it’s not a good idea to have the volume of your phone turned up to the maximum.
Dad: That’s sound advice.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
For Sale "Full set of Midwifery training manuals."
What type of car would Ebenezer Scrooge drive if he were alive today?
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift
But I couldn't find a manual
Why does Norway’s Navy have barcodes on their ships?
To automate manual processes and minimize the likelihood of error while increasing overall process efficiency.
Bad news, Christmas carolers! Turns out one of our most sacred songs was communist propaganda all along, a hymn to nothing less than Karl Marx’s “The Communist Manifesto”!
Now don’t you feel bad for singing “O Commie, Commie Manual” all those years?
My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus. I was shocked.
I was also appalled, aghast, and dismayed.
There's this new movie featuring manual laborers
"Blue is the warmest collar".
I had a friend who got paid by the letter to write a phonics manual
To make a little extra cash he wrote a rhotic r on the side
A lot of people don't know how to drive stick shift these days
They keep making mistakes while shifting, it really grinds some gears
What’s 6 inches long and makes a man groan when a woman touches it?
The people who write instructions for places like IKEA must be in good shape.
Bought a new fridge two weeks ago and it hasn’t been working since we got it
Checked the manual though… Thankfully there’s a 14 day cooling off period
I got my son a guidebook for the internet, but my package is delayed. I keep saying
What do you call a mom who turns into a dad?
I recently traded in my manual transmission car for an automatic.
I hate reading manuals for staircases.
There are always too many steps.
Not sure why my owner's manual tells me to rotate my tires?
They do it all the time when I'm driving.
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.
It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
The manual that comes with your car is
Basically an autobiography
My friend was very irritated because his fishing pole broke and he had to wind up the fishing line manually.
He was being a reel crank.
You know youre lucky, When I grew up we only had those old 460 Air Conditioners ….
.
.
.
.
Four windows down, 60 miles per hour !
I don't like or dislike manual transmission vehicles.
You could say i'm neutral.
What do spanish speakers call the designated driver?
If your rifle’s not working properly…
Find the owners manual and refer to the troubleshooting section.
If you pick up a road traveler with an instruction manual for his Samsung phone...
...isn't that book the hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy?
I learned how to drive manual when I was younger...
Do you know what grinds my gears?
My son: The manual in the car says not to turn up the volume of the stereo to the maximum.
Me: That’s ....sound advice.
Son: The car manual says that I should not turn up the stereo volume to the maximum.
Dad: That’s......sound advice.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Not knowing how to drive a stick shift.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.
Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
“Dad, the manual says it’s not a good idea to turn the stereo volume to full.”
Dad: That’s sound advice.
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