I’m asking bc I’ve found myself doing things in a manic episode I didn’t think I was capable of doing and I felt guilty. Like are the impulsive things I do a reflection of me and up until that point I’ve done a good job of hiding it or is my condition?
Whenever I have mania, or when I’m in the depressive episode, I’m always switching career paths and life goals. So when I’m manic I think, “I’m just manic so I don’t think I’ll want this,” then I’m depressive and I’m like, “wow i did not like that. i’ll do this.” and it’s so awful i don’t know who i am. It’s like there are 3 versions of me, and they’re always switching out
One of my worst hypomanic episodes I let a dude 20+ years older than me fly me out to New York. I met him on a sugar dating website, FaceTimed him ONCE and hopped on a plane the next day. To make matters worse I told nobody that I was going to a different state to meet a stranger, I think a small part of me knew people were going to tell me not to and I didn’t want to hear it because “what do they know, fun free vacation what could go wrong”. After the first night I actually came back down to sanity and realized how fucking stupid I was being. Ran into the Times Square Hard Rock Cafe and anxiety puked in their bathroom sink (a very nice old woman held my hair, so shoutout to her). I mean I ended up being fine, the dude thankfully wasn’t a serial killer. But damn I think about how many things could’ve went wrong, how if I went missing it would’ve taken months to figure out I had even been out of state, how I had no ability to change the ticket home if something went wrong, how I blew a bunch of money prior to leaving and didn’t have the finance to deal with an emergency situation if I needed to leave or needed somewhere to stay.
Makes it really hard to trust yourself.
I only found out today that most people can’t remember their manic episodes or they “black out”. I can’t remember vividly my mania, it’s kinda a blur. If someone reminded me of something I did though I’m sure I would remember. I try not to replay what I did when manic because it hurts me too much to think about. I do think I blocked a lot of it out of my mind but I can remember stuff I done but it didn’t feel like it was me. Is it normal to have a good memory of your mania?
By “they” I mean the group. I don’t know what happened to that guy specifically.
I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CRAWL OUT OF MY BODY AND I HAVE BEEN GENUINELY POSSESSED I HAVENT HAD BIPOLAR DIAGNOSIS FOR LOMG AND LAST 3 TIMES WAS HOSPITALISED FOR PSYCHOTIC MANIA HOW DO I STOP THIS BEFORE JT GETS TO THAT STATE
so to preface, my future MIL is known to be severely mentally ill, manipulative, and abusive. she refuses to get diagnosed or get help. the list of things she has done over the years to my boyfriend and his family is endless- from having a psychotic breakdown and throwing the family cat outside in a snowy blizzard never to be found again, to telling my boyfriend’s gay half brother that he is going to burn in hell and she hopes he gets AIDS and dies. for some odd reason, these things often get overlooked and everyone tries to be peaceful with her.
this past christmas, i unfortunately contracted COVID. my boyfriend and i live together and since he was around me we both decided to stay in our apartment together for christmas instead of going home, despite the fact that he had no symptoms and tested negative on a rapid test. we told our parents the day i found out i was sick and they both seemed to be fine and insisted we stay at our apartment and rest up and we’ll simply see them when we’re all better.
the next day, his mother calls him and immediately starts screaming at him, having a mental breakdown. she proceeds to call him arrogant and selfish and not considering how she feels and says his passions and desires are not real. she then hung up and apparently started sobbing uncontrollably, then threatened to have my boyfriend’s car towed away (it’s under his dad’s name). she then told everyone else that our relationship is just a phase and it’s not like we’re married and mothers always come first in her culture and then banned me from her house. she then likely threw away my christmas presents and finally on christmas eve i believe she realized she f’d up and there was no turning back from what she’d done so she ran away and took the car and was missing all day, ignoring everyone’s phone calls only to later discover that she got a hotel down the road.
very obvious narcissistic, bipolar tendencies here. however, the issue i have is that my boyfriend’s family constantly enables this behavior from her. my boyfriend’s older brother is complacent because he relies on her financially. he even had issues with his mom and his wife, where she threatened to take him off the wills if he did not divorce his wife over something stupid. he sucked up to her and allows her to continue this behavior. their relationship, which i believe to be emotional incest, is another can of worms to open… point being, her behavior was never corrected and so it continues.
problem is,
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Me (23M) and my fiancé (23F) have been together for about 6 years. We started dating in high school and we’ve gone through college together.
This incident specifically revolves around her and some actions she took about a week ago during an episode of mania induced by a change in her psychiatric medication. But first I’ll provide a little more context.
Around the middle of November she took a trip to Chicago to meet some friends of hers, and while she was there she realized that one of her friends had some qualities and traits similar to me. (We’ll call him Friend A) She realized while she and her friends were at a concert that she had a very strongcrush on friend A, and this was very upsetting for her. She took another friend (Friend B) off to the side and they sat together while she cried about it for what she told me must have been 30 minutes. After the concert she called me to tell me about it, as she didn’t want to hide it from me, and we talked it through. I told her it was normal to have a crush outside a relationship as long as she didn’t act on it.
She would use these friends as her support system whenever I wasn’t available to help her through her depression or anxiety, etc. After her trip she had a dosage change for one of her meds, this is where things start to go wrong. In her mania she got really hyper focused on friend A, and any negative feelings towards me she’s ever had came out. Mostly minor stuff, but a few glaring things that I can work on and improve. These aren’t the focus of the issue. During the mania she confessed to friend A, and he reciprocated feelings for her. Friend B kind of encouraged them, because he thought they could all move in together.
2-3 days after the confession she came out of her mania and told me everything that happened, let me read DMs with friends A and B, and we discussed what we were going to do. We landed on the fact we both want to stay together, that I need to work on the things I can improve on, and that she would see her therapist more often as well as have a follow up with her psychiatrist. I also initially asked her not to talk to friend A for at least a week, but I relented on that as I felt it was unfair for me to dictate who she can and can’t be friends with.
Between then and me posting this we’ve had multiple discussions over what we can both improve on, the difficult part is whenever I try to talk to her about the situation or how it makes me feel she can tend to get an overwhelming
... keep reading on reddit ➡I’m scared of the follow up. I understand I need to face the consequences of my actions but it’s eating me up. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I had people around me who supported my behavior as well, I feel so sick.
Edit: I don’t think I’ve come down from it yet. My post may come off as confusing and I apologize. I was peak yesterday, like worst it’s ever been. I called my doctor an hour ago, we made another appointment to switch medications, as the one in on definitely doesn’t seem to be helping me just yet.
I wonder if other people have experienced this and how they dealt with it. I’m having the urge to contact them so they can be aware and not miss this in someone else hopefully.
Just feeling angry that someone that is supposed to be an expert stood by and just watched me blow up my life without even maybe recommending me go to get assessed by a psychiatrist.
You’d think me not sleeping, quitting my job and starting a business in a few weeks, having delusions of speaking to angels, working out at the gym for several hours a day, completely changing my wardrobe, getting plastic surgery, and going on a million dates and having lots of random sex would have tipped them off. But no! And they saw me multiple times a week.
Just feeling very annoyed and sad as I am realizing I am most likely bipolar now and could have gotten help a few years ago when I actually had health insurance.
Hi everyone, The last few nights I have been waking up at like 4 or 5 every morning and i’m just not tired so just lay there until about 7 or 8 until it’s time to actually get up. I get into habits where I wake up at the exact same time (within 10 minutes) way too early in the day for a while. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting manic but my episodes have always involved lack of sleep but that mostly meant going to bed super late. I looked it up on google but I didn’t see anyone else had a similar experience so wondered if any of you all have.
I burned the most important bridge for myself before I even got to the water.
I said terrible things and ruined a relationship.
How do you cope?
I was listening to The Wall today and it hit so close to home bc it perfectly describes what it’s like for me. I wanted to know if others felt the same?
TLDR; is it possible to have your first manic episode in your 30s?
Hi, sorry I hope this is allowed on here. I’m just curious if anyone has ever had their first manic episode in their 30s. I’m 32 and have been diagnosed with major depression, anxiety and adhd for years and I also used to work in mental health but I am wondering if I’m manic right now. I know I never have been before and def never thought I’d ponder this. I’m definitely hitting a lot of check boxes. Barely sleeping, working a ton on so many projects, concentrating is terrible, feel messy towards my friends etc. im not asking for a diagnosis, I do plan to bring it up with my therapist and psychiatrist next week, but I just figured I’d see if anyone here had their first episode in their 30s.
Thanks!
It gets better, everyone.
For years I left my illness unmedicated. Destroyed relationships, phones, and of course, frying my brain like an egg with drugs and mania. Decided to get help after I destroyed the most valuable relationship in my life. A little too late.
Now I'm on meds and am generally doing better. After a whole year though I'm still making adjustments.
I was so so so so excited to get my degree... It sent me into an episode, completely schizoaffective, but this time I was on the meds. Stabilized within a week (thank you Lamictal and Abilify, sorry mom) and am feeling better again.
It's full of ups and downs but I wouldn't change who I am.
It gets better, I swear it. Stay on the meds, talk to you therapist, maintain your support netwoek.
i have so much fucking energy and i can’t stop doing stupid shit like drugs and alcohol and going out being impulsive in the middle of the night. i’ve also spent $1000 in the last 3 days. any ideas for something i can do to get this energy out that aren’t dangerous?????!!!! thanku!!!!!!!!
Was thinking about how much the album is like a gateway into my life, and I guess this is a major part of that. Curious if anyone else feels the same way!
Anyone who has been diagnosed with bipolar will be familiar with this supposed fact. I decided to take a look at some of the studies, since you know, you don’t have to go to medical school for 8 years to be capable of comprehending the Holy scripture known as scientific studies.
EVERY single person in EVERY single study was on high doses of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. The studies don’t include information about how long they have been on these drugs, but Im willing to bet some of these people have been institutionalized for a long time. They also don’t include whether these people have been administered ECT, but it’s safe to assume at least some number have.
Now maybe I’m absolutely insane for suggesting that being dosed with hardcore psych drugs for years or having your brain electrically shocked could lower grey matter in certain areas.
Maybe I’m completely nuts for asking, why is this not factored into the methodology of these studies?
Speaking from my own experience, after 2 manic episodes I do not feel that my cognitive function has decreased at all. When I was on the meds, yes, I felt stupid as shit.
I can also speak anecdotally about neuroimaging technology, as I have had brain scans three separate times, including participating in studies as an undergrad and being seen as a patient. Each time being told completely different things about my brain. One quack even tried to diagnose me ADHD off a fucking brain scan, which is absurd since I don’t exhibit any of the symptoms.
I was not diagnosed or medicated in any way before, during or after my first manic episode. I lived in a different state so my family couldn’t throw me in the mental prison.
Years later, I tested 96th percentile IQ on a MENSA proctored test. I am well aware of all of the issues with IQ, and I don’t believe it makes me better than anyone else at all. But this is the methodology that psychology has created to measure intelligence, and despite being defined as the top 4%, I am still told by the world that I am incapable of forming any kind of scientific opinion on my own since I don’t have a PhD or MD.
This is exactly the attitude that led me to drop out of university. Even as a 21 year old undergrad just dipping my toes into research, I could see all the glaringly obvious issues with academia, peer review and scientific dogma. Many people say that the issue is with how the media interprets scientific data. That is just the tip of the iceberg. Psychiatry is the worst
... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’m deffo not proud
Wondering if anyone else does this. After any mania I dump so much of my stuff into a black bag and drop it off at goodwill. Like I’m trying to erase evidence of my existence in my home. I’ll tidy by hiding all my things in drawers and cabinets to look like I was never even there.
Hi, feel free to delete if not allowed here.
My doctor thinks I've got bipolar (I considered it possible adhd up until I went to him and he was like, "It sounds like you have mania") and I am getting ready for a psych evaluation.
Google hasn't been much help so here's my question: what do your manic phases/episodes look like for you? A friend told me there's no way I could have bipolar because surely my parents would notice but I mask everything (ups and downs) and my "manic" episodes feel more like wild insanity than the typical suggestions google provides (wasting money, hypersexual, etc).
So what do yours look like? I know they obviously aren't all the same, but mine feels super toned down for true mania.
Thank you!
I don't know if I should post this or not, mainly because I'm not diagnosed yet. I was in the process, and my psychiatrist (7 years seeing her) heavily suspected bipolar disorder. She retired a few weeks ago, and now I'm waiting for a new psychiatrist to be assigned to me... which is going to take some time (I'm from Spain btw). BUT, the mood swings and all that comes with them are still there. If this post is inappropriate, I'll delete in no time.
I think I'm entering a manic/ hypomanic episode.
Two weeks ago I was literally cripple with depression, unable to do anything and having unaliving thoughts (?). Now I feel better, I'm starting to do stuff, and the unaliving thoughts have "magically" disappear. Also, I'm starting to feel that I don't need much sleep (6 hours) although I still need to sleep and still feel tired at the end of the day.
I've been on 400 mg of lithium/ a day for the last year, and it's def not enough for my manic/ hypomanic episode, and def it's useless with the depressive episodes.
I think I kinda know my cycles >!(depressive episodes from November to January/February; then a manic/hypomanic episode on April to May-June; summer it's a mess and idk if I feel neutral or other thing)!<and this feels like the begging of a manic/ hypomanic episode.
I don't know what should I do. I do a lot of stupid sh*t that I later deeply regret when I'm in a manic/ hypomanic episode. I feel like I'm heading straight into a waterfall that goes upwards.
My (27F) mother (52F), has bipolar disorder, and is currently going through a hypomanic episode. She visited me today while a friend was over at my place. When she is hypomanic, she tends to be overly sexual and speak without any filter whatsoever. Today she really struck a nerve with me by just blabbing about my personal youth trauma’s to this friend. I told her point blank that she needed to stop because she was hurting and upsetting me, but she just does not give a shit about other peoples feelings when she is in a hypomania, and continues with her story.
I understand she can’t control herself too well when she is going through this, but I was wondering if you guys have any advice for me regarding how to get through to my mother when things like this happen.
Currently going through a rough manic episode. Super irritable, binging cocaine, being reckless. How does everyone else manage their manic episodes?
Auto answer when someone speaks to you. Its like the words just force out of my mouth and I have no control over what I'm saying.
I’m currently struggling through a bad depressive episode after coming down from a manic high where I was literally psychotic. It got to the point where I had to be hospitalized 4 times throughout the past summer, and I made a complete fool of myself on social media/in public, resulting in the loss of most if not all my friends.
Thankfully now I’m medicated - but I’m dealing with a whole lot of loneliness and depression due to the shame and isolation from everything that occurred. Just want to see if anyone’s in a similar boat, it’s hard to move forward when it feels like I’m the only one I know that’s been cursed with this disease.
I know that was a long title, sorry.
This happens to me. I get so engrossed in whatever thing during the episode, then for a moment I get the dissapointed sad awareness that this thing will no longer interest me when the episode is over.
Which oftentimes makes me spiral into negative thoughts and feelings. (I get mixed episodes)
It's like...why can't I just like something? Why is it only when in an episode? Why can't it carry over to when I'm stable again?
I almost always lose enthusiam for the thing once I've come down.
Welcome to Guys We F****d! A lot happens on this episode including, but not limited to: talking off a ledge the daughter of a 25-plus-years-closeted-gay man living two lives, KRYSTYNA (@krystynahutch) giving us the play-by-play of her near-death Mustang trip, CORINNE (@philanthropygal) taking her boyfriend to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time, and comedian MATT PAVICH (@mattzpavich) divulging the ins and outs of living with Bipolar I. Matt details his many stays in mental health facilities, walks us through manic and depressive episodes, and surprisingly finds the love of his life along the way. Featuring fully erect commentary by Resident Dude MIKE COSCARELLI (@MikeCoscarelli).
Follow Matt Pavich on IG/TikTok: @mattzpavich
Buy/stream his comedy album “Wednesdays @ Bellevue” https://album.link/chrt64tdnnzdh Follow Corinne on Twitter/IG/TikTok: @PhilanthropyGal Follow Krystyna on Twitter/IG/TikTok: @KrystynaHutch Follow Guys We F****d everywhere: @guyswefcked Follow Mike Coscarelli on Twitter/IG: @MikeCoscarelli OUR [FREE] DEBUT COMEDY SPECIAL PREMIERES ON YOUTUBE 2.14.22 (subscribe to our channel!) - https://www.youtube.com/guyswefcked THIS WEEK’S FEATURED MUSIC: Secret Cigarette Song 1- Vaquita Song 2- Salt and Sand https://secretcigarette.bandcamp.com/track/salt-and-sand
I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt similarly to this. Basically, I had a year long manic episode like 5 years ago. During that period I was intensely suicidal, angry, helpless and volatile. I treated my loved ones in ways that hurt them and made them cry.
I felt intense guilt over how my emotions affected the people I love, and to this day I still find this guilt coming up in therapy for me.
It seems like it was awhile ago, and that I should have moved on. But I feel like I carry this intense fear over hurting people with my words. It could be a human, small mistake but my brain freaks out whenever someone’s upset with me and it goes straight to my doom mindset of: “your emotions are too intense and hurtful, you’re a terrible person!”
Has anybody dealt with guilt from a past episode?
Hello all,
Long time lurker, first post. 14 year marriage, 46M (me), 41F. Two sons, one twelve, one is 1.5 yo.
Wife had manic episode during late spring, early summer. Culminated in hospital stay for 2.5 weeks, discharge, then suicide attempt.
Previously diagnosed BPD, massive depressive; currently diagnosed bipolar. Previously refused to put care plan in place. Always messing with meds, not 100% med compliant. When we first got married, she only said she had depression.
Disclosed this morning she had an EA during manic phase, and physically once. Somehow I already knew, maybe God told me, I had a gut feeling.
Can one buy the idea this was caused by mania? Does it even matter? I will be asking for full disclosure this evening, after the boys are in bed.
Thanks.
All I remember is that I felt like I couldn't breathe I was having a panic attack and II kept hallucinating I thought I was gonna die.. My husband took me to the hospital and they talked a lot and when they talked it made meI remember is that I felt like I couldn't breathe I was take a deep breath and once I got enough breathing in me I was able to calm down. But then all I remembersm is being strapped down to a bed and screaming at the top of my lungs hat I was gonna diie, please don't let me die. They gave me some ativan and seeiquel. I had an edible the other day and I'm wondering if that's what kicked the mania in? I normally don't smoke weed at all this is the 2nd time in a year I've had to hospitalized with my bipolar. I was on medication before but as most of us do I stopped it 6 months ago. I felt fine since then. These past few weeks I've been having some insomnia..All I know is I'll never touching anything that has marijuana in it again. I really enjoy it too😪 I'm gonna get back into a routine of taking my meds, going back to my psychologist and therapist and get this thing kicked in the butt. Best of love to all of you. 🥰
I wonder if other people have experienced this and how they dealt with it. I’m having the urge to contact them so they can be aware and not miss this in someone else hopefully.
Just feeling angry that someone that is supposed to be an expert stood by and just watched me blow up my life without even maybe recommending me go to get assessed by a psychiatrist.
You’d think me not sleeping, quitting my job and starting a business in a few weeks, having delusions of speaking to angels, working out at the gym for several hours a day, completely changing my wardrobe, getting plastic surgery, and going on a million dates and having lots of random sex would have tipped them off. But no! And they saw me multiple times a week.
Just feeling very annoyed and sad as I am realizing I am most likely bipolar now and could have gotten help a few years ago when I actually had health insurance.
What does a manic or mixed episodes feel or look like for you? How can you tell when you’re about to have a manic episode?
