Maloof Family Puns

Dear Maloof Family,

I had a dream last night. It was a really nice dream about Sacramento. The Kings were still hear, and we had a new arena. Cliche' I know. But the funny part was that you guys were loved all around Sacramento. In fact, the Maloof Family name was one of the most favorable and trusted names in the area. Everyone loved you guys, and the Kings were a premiere team. Then I woke up and it saddened me to realize it was only a dream. But the real sad part is that this dream could so easily be a reality. And a very soon reality.

I love the Sacramento Kings. I like them more than I like the sport of Basketball. Watching the Kings play is one of my favorite things to do. But since all this talk about moving, the mood has just been down. Attendance is down, moral is down, and being a Kings fan is a joke. It truly is embarrassing to say I am a Kings fan.

My only wish is to tell you one thing. That if you stayed in Sacramento and invested in us, I promise, you would get returns on your investments that you could never imagine in your wildest dreams. Yes we are a small town, but we are strong. But only as strong as ownership shows. That's you guys. If you showed a commitment for the long term future, it would not only bring us back, I would be PROUD again to say I am a Kings Fan. Figure it out guys, or else you just wasting time. I know people say you guys don't have money, but you guys own a FUCKING NBA team. I'd say that's worth quite a lot. All it will take is your first step.

If this letter ever found you, I hope you seriously think about the potential future. I wish only the best for The Sacramento Kings.

Sincerely,

fan

What do we actually know about her? Does she have a job? Is she married? Where did she get her money? All we know is Terry fucked up her boobs. Am I missing anything???

Ok So Janet Roach is at the top marrying a Billionaire whos next?

Just rewatched season 2 of BH and I have some quick thoughts & wanted to see what you guys think.

•Kyles “be honest” is more annoying than Rinna saying “own it”

•Kyle and Kim totally bullied Brandi (& I try not to use that word too often). And Dana was such weak sauce for not stopping it in her home AND for participating in it.

•Kim is awful to watch! I feel for her though, I think going from child star who the rock of her family to being the less “established” sibling is probably an awful thing to deal with. Also the whole “you stole my house” makes a lot more sense than it being a bad deal, it’s clear that Kim paid for it as a child star and now Kyle get to enjoy it because she NOW has/makes the money.

•Brandi is super likable at this point.

•Adrienne actually rubbed me the wrong way. I get that is didn’t make sense to her why Taylor would stay with Russell but she really kicked her while she was down. Although, I think her intentions were good.

•I enjoy Paul as a house husband!

•I have always been an LVP fan but I do get annoyed with her inability to apologize

•I think they all took LVPs confessionals way too personal when they all threw jabs. I really found most of her commentary to be silly and not too serious. Like the “Maloof hoof” and Kyle having an issue with Lisa’s comments about her wanting attention or whatever (when Kyle did the splits) especially when Kyle said Lisa “maybe” prayed on the week.

•Camille might have been my favorite this season, I felt her to be the most level headed.

•I hate how they all kind of refer to Taylor as “weak”. I don’t think they mean any harm but yikes!

•Pandoras wedding was boring to me…. In fact I think most wedding episodes are boring and I feel badly for that.

Starting my rewatch of S3 and I’m super stoked!

JANUARY 24TH

RHOP, S1E2, 2016

We meet Ashley this episode - yay!

Gizelle is still admiring herself in the mirrored frame, and Karen finds this obnoxious and walks away.

Those bangs. A choice.

People finally begin to eat - this is a crab boil after all! Everyone enjoys themselves and Robyn's kids talk about eating way too many legs. Gizelle is over Karen and Charisse, and she takes her hairdresser with her while announcing her exit. Karen yells "security" to no one in particular, but certainly no actual security.

Katie has a naming ceremony for her children, where she makes some awkward statements about Andrew through the Rabbi performing the ceremony, and Robyn and Gizelle make racist comments about what box her children would choose in an application.

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Charisse and Karen go out to lunch with Gizelle to criticize her, and Charisse asks her again why it was appropriate to bring her hairdresser. Karen asks if she ran a background check on him (??????)!

RHOA, S8E12, 2016

Meh.

RHOBH, S7E8, 2017

Rinna and Dorit head over to Eden's house, where she makes them aloe and green smoothies. Yum... Rinna jokes about putting Xanax in hers and then proceeds to pull out a sandwich bag filled with pills. Sleeping pills/anxiety meds/vitamins co-mingle in her ziploc pharmacy. Eden notes a xanax smoothie sounds good, but we don't know if they actually make them or not.

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P.K and Dorit throw a party and throw up a giant black curtain to hide Boy George and his hired band, while the Kemsley's feign water damage. When Kim arrives, she talks about her fear of welcoming a grandson and how nervous she is, and Eden turns it into a discussion about her past addiction and makes it all dark and sad. Dorit talks to LVP about Rinna's bag of pills, and LVP hates that she is bringing it up in a gossipy way. She thinks that if Dorit thought Rinna had a problem, she would be serious and sit down and discuss it with her.

Eileen screams about how it's 1984 when Boy George performs Karma Chameleon and then women are thrown back to their teenage selves fawning over the singer. Who shoul

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

This one scene always has stuck with me when Kyle goes to Kim, "I always know when you're drinking, if you've been drinking, and what you've been drinking." And Kim just kinda nods and giggles. Because TBH I think it's the opposite. I think Kyle had no idea what Kim was actually on, but Kathy did and always has.

Kyle was naive and believed her family's "she's an alcoholic" explanation because sometimes the youngest in a family is just not clued in on things sometimes. Kathy knew that Kim was on something illegal and thought that the show was exposing her to potential liability.

The narrative has been: Kathy is the one in Kim's corner, and they are closer, and Kyle outed her as an alcoholic. When in reality, Kathy is the one who thinks Kyle is an enabler and refuses to help Kim financially.

In dysfunctional families, we don't talk about a lot of things and just assume other people know certain really sensitive topics. Sometimes we just don't want to say certain things out loud. Kathy may not have thought she had been hiding anything from Kyle in terms of Kim's addiction. She may have assumed that Kyle knew because it seemed obvious. But people see what they want to see and know what they want to know most of the time.

When the show started, I think Kathy was furious because Kyle seemed to be greenlighting a move that could ruin Kim's life.

Here is my, idk, thesis:

• I really don't think Kim's main addiction is alcohol and never was, which is why she never gets sober or takes actual accountability. I also do not think that it is benzos because she admits to using those too. I seriously think Kim's drugs of choice are meth and inhalants.
• Kathy was the one who publicly said, "Kim does not need the HW money," due to her getting 23k per year EDIT: MONTH in spousal support. I think Kathy did not want Kim getting access to any more money than that. You see this type of behavior with how Kathy sent Paris to Provo (which is a really difficult decision to judge because there are a lot of experts who recommend places like that unfortunately). It seems like she has a really old-school mentality of what to do when people are struggling: hide the problem, and don't support them until they shape up.
• Also, there was the really strange fact that Kyle was financially supporting Kim even though Kathy was married to a Hilton. I think that Kathy did not want to financially support Kim because she knew she was doing illegal drugs. I think Kyle just thou

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

This week is an iconic one - let's get started!

JANUARY 10TH

RHOA, S8E10, 2016

Lauren and Porsha talk through the issues about Porsha being mad about Lauren's pregnancy, and Porsha asks why she told her so late. Lauren says she was worried she'd upset Porsha, as she's the older sister and wanted kids before her.

Kenya and her father go to a family reunion in Detroit and on the way Kenya makes a stop at her mother's house and knocks at the door. She hears her mom lock the door, but her mom never acknowledges her despite her pleas from outside and Kenya leaves broken-hearted, and her dad tells her he told her so. Once at the family reunion, Kenya decks everyone out in t-shirts with "Kenya's Family Reunion" on them, and calls her grandma - the one who raised her - a "sassy raccoon". Excuse me, what?

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RHOBH, S7E6, 2017

Kyle, forever tainted by season two's game night, hires a professional game night planner - Dana - I'm kidding, their name is Cal. When the women arrive, Dorit fawns over Eden calling her "adorable" and "a beautiful girl", and talks about liking skinny dipping and practically invited Eden to a heated pool.. and this is the same woman who didn't defend Denise, alright! Dorit even asks Eden if she's a lesbian.

The women bring up panty gate - again, as there's nothing the Beverly Hills women like more than Chilean sea bass and a beating a horse that's just bones - and Kim Richards asks why it's a big deal at their age for a woman not to wear underwear. As always, it turns into a fight between Kim and Rinna.

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RHONJ, S8E13, 2018 (FINALE)

Siggy's son JOSH-UA let her know he got into Penn State, which just delights her.

Teresa takes two of her dorters to see their dad, and we don't see anything as cameras are obviously not allowed.

Marge is having a party in her unfinished house, but the party planner makes it look great. Everyone arrives, but Dolores comes with bad news - Siggy is in the hospital. Danielle rolls her eyes while she hears Siggy badly hurt her ankle. We cut to a scene where Siggy is moaning at the bottom of the stairs, and we are

*Record scratch* You're probably wondering how we got here, and I am too! This week is insane, and this post is long, so let's get started!

OCTOBER 11TH

RHOA, S3E2, 2010

Kim needs to get in shape, so she and Sweetie decide to go for a jog. This run includes Kim complaining about how her hair (FTFY: party city wig) wants to fall off, then yells at beer delivery men from across the road, and finally, they run across a busy street and convince the store owner to give them both beer. We see Cynthia and Peter at Supper Club, one of his first restaurants we got to see fail! She is breaking glasses while trying to help the kitchen staff, and you can tell they're frustrated but she is just trying to help! We also see Noelle, and how close she and her mother are. Sheree heads out on a date with a guy who brings her flowers, which she complains are Kroger-esque. Nene has her son, Bryce, come home, asking to move back in after getting into trouble by walking into jail to visit his friend, but somehow forgot her had weed in his pocket? Who forgets they have weed on them? Nene is upset as she doesn't want to support him doing these "stupid things and sitting back and letting him do them", but also feels the obligation of being a mother and taking him back in and keeping him safe. Everyone convenes at Supper Club for a performance by Kandi, and Phaedra "I represented Bobby Brown 20 years ago" Parks, wants Dwight and Nene to reconnect, and the two actually have a rational conversation and settle their differences. End of episode!

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RHOM, S2E5, 2012

Nothing much happened other than Thomas Kramer (Miami playboy, on many episodes of RH when in Miami), yelling at Mama Elsa to "sit down, shut up, or leave!"

RHONJ, S8E2, 2017

Siggy remains upset in the continuation from last week, with the cake she had specially decorated for Melissa all over the floor, as she sadly picks up the layers and tries to save the money she spent on it. The women rehash the night with their husbands on the phone, and later the next day, Margaret surprises Teresa with a flower wreath for th

NOVEMBER 15TH

RHOM, S2E11, 2012 - ONLY AIRED FOUR DAYS AFTER THE LAST EPISODE

Karent (BOOOOOO!) is having a dinner party, hosted at Thomas Kramer's house (this guy is a douchebag!) and invited all the women. She and her mother arrive early to prep and cook dinner. The other ladies arrive without conflict, and then the rumours begin, with the housewives thinking that she must be sleeping with Thomas in order to be allowed to use his place to host. I always kinda thought Kim slept with him for the house in Miami in the early seasons of Atlanta, and he's remained a creep. Some say even if she isn't sleeping with him, and only hangs out with him and uses him for his status and prestige.

Thomas asks if Romaine is cheating on Joanna, due to their lack of sexual intercourse, and Joanna gets quite upset by this. The attention is soon taken off of her though when the women talk about their issues with Marysol and Thomas tells Ana to shut up and stop bringing drama and to have fun. She refuses and keeps talking, and he rings a bell. He tells her to act like a guest and not an owner, then tells her to have appreciation. He then changes his attention to Lenny and Lisa and makes a joke about him doing breast implants and getting Lisa's chest into her dress. Ana asks if anyone can spell the word "misogynist", and walks out. Most of the ladies follow her, but Joanna and the others stay to fix things up.

Lea defends Thomas, and Elsa tells her to sit down, simmer, and stop talking. Thomas tells Elsa that even though she is "nearing her expiration date", she needs to shut up and that she needs to "act like a lady if [she] wants treatment like one." She leaves and although everyone is like "wtf just happened" they stay with the loser anyways!

RHOA, S8E2, 2015

We meet Kim Fields in this episode, and how things change in one season because we are introduced to her by Kenya. Under the guise of a "collaboration", Kenya meets with KF and they act like best friends that are reconnecting. Kenya says that Hollywood has been good to them - and KF is like... huh? Us? Much kinder to KF than to Kenya, lol.

Lauren, Porsha's sister, announces her pregnancy to her, and Porsha responds with how awkward it is that she's pregnant before her, and blames it for the reason Lauren isn't into Duke, Porsha's new boyfriend of the month. Porsha later throws a party for him, and when he arrives with his friend to cheerleaders and people Duke hasn't even met, his friend calls her

Put it on my bill