My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,

I don't listen - and something else.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
You hear about the scarecrow who won a major award?

Apparently, he was out standing in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Choose a major you love

and you'll never work a day in your life because that field probably isn't hiring

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moiKeshav
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if I can be a history major,

He said, β€œDon’t. There’s no future in it.”

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
They say if you want to be a successful prospector, you shouldn't get a major in geology.

You should get a miner instead.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get an art history major off your front porch ?

Pay for the pizza πŸ•.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A big light switch is a major turn-on
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
so anyway im switching my major to marketing...

just a few hours ago my brother was talking about buying cinnamon rolls from his english teacher who bakes and sells it on instagram as a side hustle and i said IF SHES AN ENGLISH TEACHER SHE SHOULD CALL THEM SYNONYM ROLLS and honestly im super proud

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JacksonCM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't think Marine Biology is the right major for me.

My grades are below C-level

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, β€œYou should go visit Italy in late August.”

..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the majority of cows religious beliefs?

Moo-slims

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChubChuz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Do math majors get degrees.....

...or radians? πŸ€”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smarzz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I almost got a double major in Mathematics and Agriculture

...but I couldn't pass cowculus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaMammatus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The Senate majority leader refuses to acknowledge the election results.

He’s acting like a real Mitch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zkck0517
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was thinking of changing my major to Physics

Then I can go ahead and be a physician.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xXplainawesomeXx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
An e-con major.....
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CommandoSharp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I was playing chess and blundered a major piece

Rookie mistake

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatem96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I hope Elon Musk never gets caught up in a major scandal

I just imagine Elon-Gate would be really drawn out....

πŸ‘︎ 315
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OpthomacePrime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Major Spoiler
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/E_A_STONKS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that Noah had a college degree.

His major was arkeology.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fileobrother
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Did yiu know a major mathematical discovery was made when trying to put music online?

They tries to Log a Rhythm.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.

(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)

πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Major Spoiler
πŸ‘︎ 443
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that, while alive, Mozart composed symphonies in almost every major key?

Sadly, in death, he was relegated only to D-composition.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hsdad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough

Now he can hear the voices too !

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t calculus majors party?

Because they can not drink and derive

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The archaeologist had majored in geology in college,

but he was also a history miner.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Not many people know about this, but when I was in college, I majored in surfing.

They called me a β€œrad” student.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daustin627
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pixie who double-majored in physics and genealogy?

The fairy of relativity.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know the musician who enrolled in a programming course?

He said it was a major improvement to his C# skills, it also augmented his C+ code.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinary_shiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!

It's Gsus

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend who is a major in Geology, what is the most expensive rock in the world?

He replied Dwayne Johnson

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebadger96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t remember what I majored in at college.

I skipped classes to some degree.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?

A flat major.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"

The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DantheMan350V2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
The culprit is a major D.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you know what is the major reason of dry skin?

Towels.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Never pick a fight with a music teacher

You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know a major mathematical discovery was made when trying to put music online?

They tried to Log a Rhythm!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.