I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
I recently watched "Nosferatu" for the first time. Interesting. Now, I'm checking out "Nosfera 2: New Berlin-ings".
I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.
I'm gonna be positively shocked to see 2 updoots
Guy 1: "If my boss doesn't take back what he said to me, I'm leaving the company." Guy 2: "What did he say?"
Guy 1: "Leave the company."
When I was 2 my sister was half my age, I’m now 70, how old is my sister?
Windmill number 1 asked windmill number 2 “what kind of music do you listen to?” Windmill 2 responded “I’m a huge metal fan”
When people ask me what I'm doing in 2 months
Me: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision
I’m excited for Joker 2.0
I'm Joaquin on Sunshine
I'm wondering, is the old *Person 1:'Is this [thing 1] or [thing 2] Person 2: Yes* a dad joke or a reddit meme?
Yes
I’m so happy, my 3 year old daughter is learning Dad Jokes! Went to our local Zoo today and 1/2 way around there is a cafe so I asked her if she wanted an ice cream... and she said...
I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...
Even better when actually a true story!
I'm from Mississippi and I was the only black kid in my Calculus 2 class
Seems like Mississippi still has a problem with
( •_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
integration
(⌐■_■)
I'm a little low on money at the moment to buy Injustice 2. I plan on trading games back to GameStop even though I will get next to nothing for it. I'll even trade in my original Injustice game for it...
that's what I call poetic injustice.
I'm a relatively new dad. My 2 year old daughter was eating a banana in the car. From the back seat, she started to hand me sections of the banana peel when I blurted this out:
"Don't do that, you'll hurt his peelings!"
