I'm meeting him at 2:30
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I recently watched "Nosferatu" for the first time. Interesting. Now, I'm checking out "Nosfera 2: New Berlin-ings".
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stumpjungle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2Β² to say it.
πŸ‘︎ 606
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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I'm gonna be positively shocked to see 2 updoots
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowy_Ocelot
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Guy 1: "If my boss doesn't take back what he said to me, I'm leaving the company." Guy 2: "What did he say?"

Guy 1: "Leave the company."

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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When I was 2 my sister was half my age, I’m now 70, how old is my sister?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/starwars-kid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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Windmill number 1 asked windmill number 2 β€œwhat kind of music do you listen to?” Windmill 2 responded β€œI’m a huge metal fan”
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_crownseye
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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When people ask me what I'm doing in 2 months

Me: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cabrego01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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I’m excited for Joker 2.0

I'm Joaquin on Sunshine

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyDuke5ho3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I'm wondering, is the old *Person 1:'Is this [thing 1] or [thing 2] Person 2: Yes* a dad joke or a reddit meme?

Yes

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PSozzy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I’m so happy, my 3 year old daughter is learning Dad Jokes! Went to our local Zoo today and 1/2 way around there is a cafe so I asked her if she wanted an ice cream... and she said...

I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...

Even better when actually a true story!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I'm from Mississippi and I was the only black kid in my Calculus 2 class

Seems like Mississippi still has a problem with

( β€’_β€’)

( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 

integration

(βŒβ– _β– )

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samus1225
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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I'm a little low on money at the moment to buy Injustice 2. I plan on trading games back to GameStop even though I will get next to nothing for it. I'll even trade in my original Injustice game for it...

that's what I call poetic injustice.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Everwars
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2017
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I'm a relatively new dad. My 2 year old daughter was eating a banana in the car. From the back seat, she started to hand me sections of the banana peel when I blurted this out:

"Don't do that, you'll hurt his peelings!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_dork
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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I'm watching Percy Jackson 2 with my daughters.

During the story of the defeat of Cronus, I paused the movie and said "Do you know how to get rid of Tartarus?"

"You go to the dentistus."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glt23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
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