By the time the Gestapo finally caught the fleeing sausage thieves, they had already wolfed down the loot.

It was a Wurst-Chase scenario.

👍︎ 19
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📅︎ Dec 31 2022
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I tripped over my wife’s bra this morning in our darkened bedroom.

It was a booby trap.

👍︎ 129
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👤︎ u/AndreT_NY
📅︎ Feb 04 2023
🚨︎ report
A young man traveled the world in search of buried treasure. After five years with no luck, he received a prophecy from an enchantress which told of a vast hoard of golden loot squirreled away in Bermuda by a famous privateer crew.

Sure enough, after sailing for another year, he came to the place the enchantress had spoken of and found a trove of coins and medallions, enough to make him wealthy beyond his wildest dreams.

He brought all of it on board his ship and through storms and turmoil returned home with his prize. The assayor at the dock, however, took one look at all of it and told him it was worthless. Dejected, the young man walked away from his ship, and vowed never again to travel in search of his fortune.

"Sad, is it not?" said a friend of the assayor as he watched the young man shuffle away. "Aye," replied the assayor, "yet another victim of the pyrites of the Caribbean."

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Jan 29 2022
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This morning, Siri said "Don't call me Shirley."

I must have left my phone on Airplane mode.

👍︎ 4k
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 06 2022
🚨︎ report
A bunch of rioters looted my pretzel shop.

Unfortunately, they got all my dough.

👍︎ 61
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📅︎ Jun 02 2020
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There's a rather unknown Greek myth that involved Zeus farting so loudly that it caused powerful lightning storms all over Greece. Panic and chaos ensued, and there was widespread looting as fires raged out on control.

Thus began the Zeus Toot Riots.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 07 2020
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Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"

It was the booty calls.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 30 2020
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The apocalypse is upon us! How is everyone holding up?

I have shot 3 zombies myself so far. Why are they all carrying candy?

👍︎ 14
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 31 2021
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The looting and rioting going on today is terrible, but if you're a man you shouldn't find it funny.

Because manslaughter is a crime.

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/professorf
📅︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the womb say to the baby that is being born?

"Living already?"

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Lil_Pask
📅︎ May 06 2022
🚨︎ report
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.

They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Sep 02 2019
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What do you call a burglar's loot sack?

An accessory to the crime.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Never promise to make a wig for someone.

It's a hair-owing experience.

A friend dropped that one on me today.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Sep 21 2021
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What instrument do thives play

A lute(loot)

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 22 2022
🚨︎ report
I recently overheard two chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby. They were bragging about their previous victories

They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

👍︎ 319
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Ewoking Dead
👍︎ 88
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 01 2016
🚨︎ report

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