My wife just placed childproof locks on all our important cabinets.

Can someone help me open our liqour cabinet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...

It's pastor bedtime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trigrex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
CAPS LOCK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a locksmith fix a lock?

Key-P-R

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/medic_228
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife has eaten that much during lock down...

....that she's started getting a tan off the frigging fridge light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Italian chef get locked out of his restaurant?

He had Gnocchi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdaddypoppin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Title
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pegman55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...

I felt your presents!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
So the police locked up a toddler the other day

Turns out he was resisting a rest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bowlingForRamen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Lock down MAY END by MAY END, or MAY NOT END by MAY END,as it MAY EXTEND....

But MAY will END, by MAY END, even if lockdown MAY NOT END.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Which pasta gets locked out of the house? β€”Technically a wife joke.

Gnocchi.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoffa22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Locked myself out of the house today...

Thankfully, l was able to open the door, by talking to it...

Communication is key.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Lego made the lock lego
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/indisgice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.

Because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes

I texted "Oh Pun the Door"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a prostitute who locks her customers in the basement!?

A Whoarder!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Knowing how to pick locks...

Has really opened a lot of doors for me.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife locked me out for telling too many corny, obnoxious word play jokes...

Now I’m outside banging and hollering β€˜Oh PUN the door!!!’ β€˜Oh PUN the door!!!’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...

My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.

A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I just had a fight. She has locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and still hasn't left.

I am tired of her shit.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
He has got a point
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

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πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I got locked in a room with a deck of cards.

I was in solitaire confinement.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?

They are key workers

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarBoobSale
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...

He stalled for time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diascamara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A locksmith had to go to court to give evidence last week.

Apparently he was the key witness.

Stolen from dad jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow is Jamaican Day at work

I'm dreading it

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
They’ve locked down Liverpool John Lennon Airport and all the passengers are trapped inside

Imagine, all the people...

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My Italian friend always locks himself out of the house...

He has gnocchi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vasapalooza
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Dwayne "the Lock" Johnson
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeebigg
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security company run by detectives?

Sir lock homes

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun for current times
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/just_boy57
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been stuck in lock down so long I've started writing myself letters

Dear, me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFr1nk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Talk to your lock if you're locked put

Because communication is the key.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenox_13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of the house, talk to the lock calmly

Communication is key

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.

Communication is key...

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever lock yourself out of your house, just talk to the lock calmly.

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DGNOLA12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of the house, just talk to the lock.

Communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you do if you get locked out of the house?

Talk to the lock, because communication is key

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ivy_ally
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out of your home, sit down and talk to the lock calmly

Because communication is key

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you do if you get locked out of your house?

Be calm and talk to the lock.

Because communication is key!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanguard_The
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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