My wife just placed childproof locks on all our important cabinets.

Can someone help me open our liqour cabinet?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2021
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If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2021
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I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...

It's pastor bedtime

πŸ‘οΈŽ 278
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trigrex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2021
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CAPS LOCK
πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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How does a locksmith fix a lock?

Key-P-R

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/medic_228
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2021
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My wife has eaten that much during lock down...

....that she's started getting a tan off the frigging fridge light.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
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Why did the Italian chef get locked out of his restaurant?

He had Gnocchi

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigdaddypoppin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2021
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Title
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pegman55
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...

I felt your presents!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CoddiwomplingRandall
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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So the police locked up a toddler the other day

Turns out he was resisting a rest

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bowlingForRamen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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Lock down MAY END by MAY END, or MAY NOT END by MAY END,as it MAY EXTEND....

But MAY will END, by MAY END, even if lockdown MAY NOT END.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
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Which pasta gets locked out of the house? β€”Technically a wife joke.

Gnocchi.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hoffa22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
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Locked myself out of the house today...

Thankfully, l was able to open the door, by talking to it...

Communication is key.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 121
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
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Lego made the lock lego
πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/indisgice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.

Because they dilate.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
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My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes

I texted "Oh Pun the Door"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/batmans_apprentice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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What do you call a prostitute who locks her customers in the basement!?

A Whoarder!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2020
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Knowing how to pick locks...

Has really opened a lot of doors for me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
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My wife locked me out for telling too many corny, obnoxious word play jokes...

Now I’m outside banging and hollering β€˜Oh PUN the door!!!’ β€˜Oh PUN the door!!!’

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
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We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...

My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.

A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2021
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My girlfriend and I just had a fight. She has locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and still hasn't left.

I am tired of her shit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2020
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He has got a point
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/7keletor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2020
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πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2021
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I got locked in a room with a deck of cards.

I was in solitaire confinement.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2020
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Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?

They are key workers

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarBoobSale
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2020
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My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...

He stalled for time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
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I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Diascamara
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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A locksmith had to go to court to give evidence last week.

Apparently he was the key witness.

Stolen from dad jokes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
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Tomorrow is Jamaican Day at work

I'm dreading it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2021
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They’ve locked down Liverpool John Lennon Airport and all the passengers are trapped inside

Imagine, all the people...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vbloke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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My Italian friend always locks himself out of the house...

He has gnocchi

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vasapalooza
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2020
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Dwayne "the Lock" Johnson
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/peepeebigg
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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What do you call a security company run by detectives?

Sir lock homes

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheGalacticGamer55
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2021
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I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Neversaynever12345
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2020
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A pun for current times
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/just_boy57
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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I've been stuck in lock down so long I've started writing myself letters

Dear, me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheFr1nk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2020
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Talk to your lock if you're locked put

Because communication is the key.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zenox_13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2021
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If you ever get locked out of the house, talk to the lock calmly

Communication is key

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2021
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If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.

Communication is key...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 252
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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If you ever lock yourself out of your house, just talk to the lock calmly.

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DGNOLA12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2020
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If you ever get locked out of the house, just talk to the lock.

Communication is key.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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What should you do if you get locked out of the house?

Talk to the lock, because communication is key

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_ivy_ally
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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If you ever get locked out of your home, sit down and talk to the lock calmly

Because communication is key

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
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If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigchungaswholsome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2020
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What should you do if you get locked out of your house?

Be calm and talk to the lock.

Because communication is key!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vanguard_The
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
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