3 fish walking on the sea floor
  1. fish 1 turns to a nearby restaurant and asks: shell we eat here?
    fish 3 says: is it even good tho?
    fish 1 then says: yeah its good, ive haddock with fish 2 before its a very good plaice.
    fish 2 says: yeah that plaice is good, when i first took a bite of the food, i let out a huge, oh my cod!
    fish 3 says: i trout that tho it seems kinda fishy, arowana eat at this restaurant. halibut that one? i had it with a large grouper before. ive even met the gill of my breams before!
    fish 1 says: oh sure! i dont mind.
    fish 3 says: there is a caviar tho, its very expensive and of-fish-al.
    fish 2 says: oh for heavens hake! you know we dont have the money for that.
    fish 3 says: nah im ballin, i could perch-ace the whole store!
    fish 2 says: in my breams you cod, you take me for a school?! you are bass-lighting me.
    fish 3 says: no, im not bass-lighting you. ive been surfing on this nft hype recently and have made river-bank! keep it as a sea-cret tho.
    fish 2 says: oh, thats surf-prising. how much money have you made?
    fish 3 says: mmm, about a gillion so far. its difficult to start tho, i had to shell all my craw-perty to a shellfish clam at the prawn-shop! but, i took my oppor-tuna-ty and made profit.
    fish 1 says: ughh are you done coral-ling? im starving here!
    fish 2 says: actually, do yall sea the curved metal thing up there? The food on it look delicious, let's crab it.
  2. they all agreed unanimously, but little did they know, a wrasse-ful fisherman was up there,
    waiting for his next meal.
  3. fin
👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/shangze
📅︎ Dec 13 2021
🚨︎ report
There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 31
💬︎
👤︎ u/onmugen
📅︎ Aug 31 2016
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