Ever hear the tale about the angle less than 90 degrees?

It's acute story...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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When I was a baby I slept all the time but I slept less and less as I got older....

...I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santa’s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Nothing really mattress, couldn't chair less
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aesewiii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told? /r/Jokes/comments/km3t07/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badaloop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Why there are less female voters in 2020 elections? Because of....

Male in ballots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.

He gave one to three for five

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GayMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Last month my doctor told me, "Bob, this is seriously urgent. You really have to start drinking less vodka."

I've been out to at least 40 different bars since then, but no one seems to carry that brand. Anyone know where to find it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuhoBuhoGris
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Why does butane weigh less than water

Because it’s a lighter fluid

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeschmoetoday
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom

That's a very important fact I just read and wanted to share with you guys. Buying beds is a serious topic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FattySuperCute
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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To connect two sentences, what conjunction should I use, but or less?

Nevertheless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Why is there less air travel on Tuesdays?

Because you're supposed Tuesday on the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaredLiwet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Denty Moore...or I guess Less
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasTheSchnauzer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Did you hear about the architect who only designed chimney-less homes?

He was Claus-trophobic πŸŽ…

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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My son was birthed in less than a second!

You could say it was spawntaneous

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.

The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Blood and Organ related puns please

So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like β€œbloody good luck” or β€œsorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!

Thanks in advance :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Massive-Lock-6048
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Today, I apologised to my family for replacing some words with their less appropriate synonyms..

I'm sorry I oops'd up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orschinparjin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Why is the moon feeling less popular?

There’s no buzz around it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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I don't tolerate people with less than normal toes.

I'm lactose intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundan_chariar
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Did you know that daytime weighs less than nighttime?

It's a scientific fact it's lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semujin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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My son drew a polygon with three edges and three vertices with angles less than 90Β°...

It was acute triangle, I must admit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I don’t drink anymore

I also don’t drink any less

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chloe-UwU
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I’ve noticed recently that socks are costing less and less

Seems like the sock market has crashed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OdaDdaT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?

Because it's in a fish aunt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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The local diner charges Hispanic men less than everyone else.

They call it the seΓ±or citizens’ discount.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalCreep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is the Justice League better than the Avengers?

It's Marvel-less

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggd_x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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My wife told me she thought we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.

I told her, "I think you mean fewer".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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My uncle used to be a rare coin dealer...

Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him 'cent-less'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...

I am now a counter-terrorism officer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/E420CDI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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When the flutist found out she was making less money than the cellist was making...

She wondered what the bass salary is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
It took me less than a second to smash a vinyl

Guess I broke the record

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyIsOnReddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 374
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YostYost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram

I was like 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 552
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?

Butane, because it's lighter fluid...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....

I was like 0mg!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.

Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg!

πŸ‘︎ 659
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuglytofunky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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