George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

GC: I'll direct

LD: I'll produce

MM: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write

👍︎ 566
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📅︎ Dec 11 2018
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Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because the B shells are too small and the D shells are too big.

👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Jun 06 2015
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My wife (we'll call her BDH) made some turkey chili from the Thanksgiving leftovers.

Let's just say the taste and smell wasn't the best. My daughter (we can call her LD) was refusing to eat any more when my wife reminded her that she wouldn't get any dessert unless she ate a few more bites. I notice that LD was just barely eating two black beans off her spoon. I looked at BDH and LD and said "I don't blame you for only eating the beans. The rest is just fowl." It took a few seconds before hearing the groans we all love so much.

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👤︎ u/BigDildo
📅︎ Dec 02 2014
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I asked my dad "How far off is dinner"

"From where you are, i'ld say about 5 metres" hah hah...

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Sep 23 2013
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