Ketchup!
He told my timing was retarded. Somewhat offended, I asked him "when would it have been a better time to bring it in?"
My Wife: Is it frozen? Me: No, it’s Wreck It Ralph.
She’s 19 weeks pregnant, I can feel the dad joke wit rising!
Jet lag.
They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.
It was a perfect Sunday.
Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.
They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said
"Ketchup"
It's on its last lag...
"It took me three days to respawn."
Teacher: Does anybody need help? I know some of you are a bit behind. Me: Some of us are a byte behind.
The paprika turns to the other who was lagging behind and says "Cayenne, hurry up!!!" The other spice looks up and says "I'm Cumin!"
She would always suffragette lag afterwards
The one ahead was getting seriously frustrated by the one lagging behind
So he went back, and stepped on him, and said, "Ketchup"
I'm lag-tose intolerant
The Lag[g]er
My internet is crap, so there is a bit of lag. My stepmom says, "why is it so choppy?", Dad replies "because they are in the Bering Sea".
I was explaining to my dad how I won a match in a pool tournament the night before...
I had to play against the best player in the house but he had hurt his back earlier that day so he couldn't even walk straight. He won the opening lag to earn the right to break. I jokingly asked him "are you sure you want to break with that back injury?" He broke anyways and didn't make anything. My teammate and I proceeded to run the whole table, including the eight ball, to win the game as underdogs. Afterward my teammate said to the pro, "Hey, didn't /u/DetroitLarry warn you not to break?" At which point my dad interrupts my story to say...
"Now that's just adding insult to injury!"
Then again, I'm quite oblivious to his subtle jokes, but I think this one takes the cake:
So anyway, the other day he had me look something up for him on my laptop. Occasionally, my mouse pad lags and this was one of those times. I began to rub my finger to get it to work when my dad lays this one one me: "¿Tiene comezón o qué?" Which is roughly translated to: "Is it(the laptop) itchy or what?"
Now, I'm sure if I was a dude and my dad was one of those dads, he would've said something along the lines of my laptop's mouse pad being equivalent to a woman's nether regions. But that might just be the way I think.
It's on its last lag.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato are walking down the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind and Papa Tomato gets really angry. So he goes back and squishes him and goes 'catch up'
papa tomato, mama tomato and baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes him and says…
KETCHUP!
Three Tomatoes are walking down a street. Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato, and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, so Papa Tomato goes back and hits Baby Tomato right between the eyes, and shouts "Ketchup!!!".
Gotta give credit to Pulp Fiction.
