Three tomatoes are walking down a street: papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato. The baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes him. He says...

Ketchup!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/User1N23456
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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(x-post from /r/motorcycles) My bike started lagging in power, so I took it to my local mechanic...

He told my timing was retarded. Somewhat offended, I asked him "when would it have been a better time to bring it in?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uptwolait
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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My Wife and I were watching Disney+ and it started to lag.

My Wife: Is it frozen? Me: No, it’s Wreck It Ralph.

She’s 19 weeks pregnant, I can feel the dad joke wit rising!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacKlompus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What do you call a plane full of tired pilots?

Jet lag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedBaozi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I'm finally replacing my old wireless router...

It's on its last lag...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Jesus : "You think your lag is bad?"

"It took me three days to respawn."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OthelolzNZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
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A good pun plane and simple
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πŸ‘€︎ u/th3_brendawg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Dad joked my programming class.

Teacher: Does anybody need help? I know some of you are a bit behind. Me: Some of us are a byte behind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astrolabeman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2014
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Two spices are walking down the road...

The paprika turns to the other who was lagging behind and says "Cayenne, hurry up!!!" The other spice looks up and says "I'm Cumin!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corban
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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Why did Emmeline Pankhurst hate long haul flights?

She would always suffragette lag afterwards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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A group of tomatoes were walking

The one ahead was getting seriously frustrated by the one lagging behind

So he went back, and stepped on him, and said, "Ketchup"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrZtheKING
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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I hate it when I have slow internet

I'm lag-tose intolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dolphinotl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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What type of beer only makes you drunk later?

The Lag[g]er

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capetoider
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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We were sitting around watching Deadliest Catch online last night....

My internet is crap, so there is a bit of lag. My stepmom says, "why is it so choppy?", Dad replies "because they are in the Bering Sea".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caraut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Got dad joked by my dad

I was explaining to my dad how I won a match in a pool tournament the night before...

I had to play against the best player in the house but he had hurt his back earlier that day so he couldn't even walk straight. He won the opening lag to earn the right to break. I jokingly asked him "are you sure you want to break with that back injury?" He broke anyways and didn't make anything. My teammate and I proceeded to run the whole table, including the eight ball, to win the game as underdogs. Afterward my teammate said to the pro, "Hey, didn't /u/DetroitLarry warn you not to break?" At which point my dad interrupts my story to say...

"Now that's just adding insult to injury!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DetroitLarry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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I never thought my Mexican father would pull on one me.

Then again, I'm quite oblivious to his subtle jokes, but I think this one takes the cake:

So anyway, the other day he had me look something up for him on my laptop. Occasionally, my mouse pad lags and this was one of those times. I began to rub my finger to get it to work when my dad lays this one one me: "ΒΏTiene comezΓ³n o quΓ©?" Which is roughly translated to: "Is it(the laptop) itchy or what?"

Now, I'm sure if I was a dude and my dad was one of those dads, he would've said something along the lines of my laptop's mouse pad being equivalent to a woman's nether regions. But that might just be the way I think.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slutallitits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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I'm finally replacing my old wireless router...

It's on its last lag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Three tomatoes walk down the street

Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato are walking down the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind and Papa Tomato gets really angry. So he goes back and squishes him and goes 'catch up'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashur305
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Three tomatoes are walking down the street...

papa tomato, mama tomato and baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes him and says…

KETCHUP!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotauros_Artus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Three Tomatoes

Three Tomatoes are walking down a street. Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato, and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, so Papa Tomato goes back and hits Baby Tomato right between the eyes, and shouts "Ketchup!!!".

Gotta give credit to Pulp Fiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XZEKKX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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