Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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My 5 year old got me (her dad) with a dad joke

Where do hamburgers go when they want to dance? A meat ball!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthyBeaver
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...

But this is as close as I could get.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaaraloveless
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I toiled for hours trying to come up with a good joke about airplanes.

In the end, I felt like the punchline would just go over everybody's head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Venomenace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...

It becomes tearable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Love_and_Poop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Okay, seriously, ENOUGH with the gay jokes. They're not funny.

Come on guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
can we stop with the diarrhea jokes?

it's becoming a pain in the ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Jude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I come up with a really lame two word gay joke the other day that i was afraid my gay mate might find offensive

Butt willy?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josuhataylor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I know Reddit has servers that all of our jokes are stored in, but I’ve come up with a better solution

I call it a Dad-a-Base

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed

Why did the tree moo?

Because there was a cow stuck in it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomhead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a joke I wanted to share with my family but I can’t find it on here..

I literally just reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iTzbr00tal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.

I mean well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaulFromTheParty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Dark jokes my 10 year old hit me with part 2: penguins are alot like kids

Both can fly if you throw them hard enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerJoe85
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad isn’t usually one full of dad jokes, but he hit me with a great one today.

For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said β€œIt’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”

Dad replied, β€œOh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”

I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalleh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Apple announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.

The iRoll

Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Use2HandsPlease
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I told my son a joke and afterwards he asked me where i came up with it

I told him I Reddit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/De_Salvation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A joke I came up with when I was waking up this morning.

Two guys were walking down the street towards one another, the second guy bumps into the first guy and the first guy goes "Ayee, watch it. I'm Walken 'ere" and the second guy goes "oh, sorry Christopher"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninjalord25
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke with a twist

Wife: I have to tell you something. Im pregnant. Husband: hi pregnant! I'm dad! Wife: no you're not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Jokes with crappy three-word punchlines that rely on irony aren't funny

or are they?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheburik76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Not a Dad, but my Dad made this joke. "What do you call Jack the Ripper with a butter knife?"

A dull evening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J-Ray15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.

Butt weight....That's not fanny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The problem with racial jokes...

...is that they're so off-colour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Proud of my son coming up with this joke.. Doctor: don’t eat too many apples...

Otherwise you will turn into an Iron man

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d4nish1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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What do you get when you cross a dad joke with rhetorical question?

Hmm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yet-another-dad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This is a series of dad jokes that all relate to each other and form a dad joke story so bear with me.

How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.

How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was told to stop with all the Thanksgiving jokes...

...but I just couldn't quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewciferCDXX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what the problem is with camouflage jokes?

You never see them coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I am really fed up with all the president name jokes.

I will just avoid reddit until christmas. They should have gotten old bi den.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwillbecomehokage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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BL3 with Tomato Jokes? | Falls, Fails & Funny Moments | Psycho Krieg & the Fantastic Fustercluck DLC youtu.be/Je2l0OxQl8E
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Super_Sar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister in law told me a time traveling joke I was gonna share with ya all..

But you guys hated it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteElway
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I pestered my wife all evening with nonstop corny wordplay jokes until I got β€œthe look”...

I may have encountered some punintended consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

Source - from the jokes forum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My 9 year old returns with another joke for you all!

What is the stupidest thing in the universe?

A black hole, because it's so dense!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valenshyne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Oldest son and I were regaling my wife with ear jokes

I suggested to him that we stirrup some trouble. He wasn’t sure she could anvil it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckrockuhtree
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My kids said I need to stop with the egg jokes, because they’re not funny.

Yolk’s on them, I crack myself up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do dad jokes have in common with not wearing a mask?

People get sick of it but they still do it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkJT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone help me with a joke?

I think I have something here, just need a little help with the ending. This is what I have so far.

In the interrogation room, Joe Ga pleaded with police to let him go. He explained the man they are really after is Joe Ka, who has been systematically committing crimes and calling out his own name in the process knowing how similar they sound.

"This is all just a setup, the real Joe Ka is..."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
90% of my jokes end with an autoerect

Autocorrect*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: β€œsir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied β€œoh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Can we stop it with the Covid-19 jokes?

I'm really sick of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeaninglessVids
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
One California Redditor Dad came up with a dad joke so shocking that Reddit doesn’t want you to see it.

[Removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeik5150
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m very proud of this dad joke my daughter just came up with on the spot

Her: What is this little USB thing? Is this a juul charger?

Me: No, I think it’s an adapter for the Steam controller.

Her: Well, a juul is kind of like a steam controller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimya_d
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.

This is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a joke with a

Rhetorical question?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimSalice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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