A list of puns related to "In The Zone"
Too many Loggins attempts I guess.
So I turned around, because I'm only 25.
I once had a job in a t-shirt factory. Every day, t-shirts would come down the line, and using this big rubber stamp, I’d apply a handful of dots to them, at random, to just given them a general design that wasn’t blank t-shirt. It was soul sucking, but it paid the bills.
However, I kept running into a problem. I wasn’t applying the dots fast enough. It was a mental thing - I’d get hung up on where should I apply the next dot so it doesn’t look bad, etc. But one of the guys who’d been there longer than I had gave me a piece of advice. He told me to cross to my eyes. That way, I could just kinda zone out and hit the t-shirt a few times randomly without paying much attention to where exactly I was applying the dots. It worked like magic.
Well eventually I was getting ready to leave the factory and they had me train my replacement. It only took one day. I left him with one piece of advice. I told him not to get too hung up on the specific details but just to make sure he dotted his tees and crossed his eyes.
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
The kid kept screaming, screeching poorly-articulated profanities at the disinterested father. Over the screaming chaos, the father managed to order a water for himself, and an orange juice for his kid. The waitress came by with the drink, and within moments the kid smashed his cup onto the floor out of pure, unaimed toddler rage, spilling the drink all over the floor and the waitress.
The father apologized, but asked if the gremlin could still have a second orange juice, hoping the kid would miraculously calm down. The waitress conceded despite the terribly behaved toddler, and returned to the shrieking zone with a second orange juice. She had forgotten to clean up the puddle of orange juice however, and slipped. The cup of juice went straight into the kid's face, and like a fire extinguisher to a flame, the kid just went silent, as if a lesson had been learned. Everyone in the restaurant looked at the table in silence.
Juice twice had finally been served.
I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.
Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just “lending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?
Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?
Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was “hit by pitch”?
Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?
Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!
If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?
... on Friday night and parked in a zone that allowed 24 hour parking on weekends, but only 2 hour parking during the week. While he was there, a family member slipped something into his drink and sold him to a gang that traffics in frog legs. After the amputation he was taken to a hospital. He woke up to his mother telling him him the story you just read. He was a bit froggy from the sedatives, so he said "whaaaa?".
She replied: "I to'd you, toad, you got towed because you we're de-toed by de toad.
LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...
so I said I was obeying the sign in the school zone that said "Do Not Pass."
One hot day, my friend and I were at the amusement park. We were just about to walk through the splash zone for a water ride when we saw the come down the track and spray water everywhere. By the time we reached the splash zone, all that was left in the air was a light mist. "I wish we would've gotten hit with the water, but it mist."
We're in the Australian zone and my dad turns to me and asks, "What do baby kangaroo brothers call each other?"
...
"Roo-mates."
We've been having problems with flies in our house. Today, as we were in the process of shooing them out an open window, she said, "Go away! This is a no-fly zone!"
I asked her what time it is and she said "We are in the pacific time zone now so..." And I said "well that's very S'Pacific'! And a moan ensued and then she said "let's just pretend you didn't just say that". I would call that a success!
I work in a funeral home. Today I was having a conversation with my friend and the call failed. I called him back.
"Yea it said call failed, where are you that you have such bad signal?"
"Are you kidding? I'm home- I have great signal! You're the one with the poor reception! Where are you?"
"The funeral home."
"Exactly! That place is a DEAD zone."
groan
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