Back in the old western days, cowboys used to hang a light from their saddle at night to help them find their way home.
This was early saddle light navigation.
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit and smelling like honey.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Did you hear about the old grandma who was making her own booze in the nursing home?
When the zombie came home, he laid down in the wrong hole.
Did you hear about the cook who traveled in a motor home.
A beloved cartoon artist was found dead in their home today
Officers state that the details are sketchy
A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...
As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket."Tennis ball" the man said."Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
I have to admit, I've gained a few pounds after working from home. My wife suggested lunges as a workout I can fit in
That would be a big step forward
My brother said, "Jim Beam is my favourite gin to drink when I'm in my home outside the city,"
I said, "That's suburban."
Someone once asked me why I worked in the cremation department of the funeral home.
Offended, I replied that I would work anywhere to urn a living
Why did the Home Depot lumber get put in timeout?
Because it was so knotty.
I wrote a book about how to build a better kind of basement in your home.
The pandemic has been hard on my gym routine. I just can't seem to get back in the groove. But I did find one exercise that I can do at home every single day. Honestly, it's my favorite exercise - and I'm seeing pretty significant gains!
Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone.
What kind of sicko does that to someone’s advent calendar?
My friend doesn't remember when we used to find stones in the woods and bring them home when we were kids.
He has no rock collection of it.
The funeral home in town closed
Apparently business was dead
Today I learned that most dad jokes are told in the home
My wife told me if I’m going to stay home , then start doing “lunges” to get back in shape.
This would be a big step forward for me.
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
I came home to find two guys stealing my gate but I didn’t want to say anything in case...
The LED stand keeps tipping over in the middle of my home improvement project.
I need to achieve better work-light balance.
i got home after programming all day and my husband asked me to buy somethings in the grocery store
He said "Buy a gallon of milk, if there are apples, buy 12". Then he got mad at me when i show up at home with 12 gallons of milk.
Why did the melons get married in their home town?
I was able to get an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom with some flowers, and to my complete surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.
I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.
In my future home I'm not gonna have a nautical themed bathroom.
I wouldn't be able to live with that on my conch-scious
There's no end in sight. I have no control and there is no escape. I'm pretty sure my home is broken.
I'm going to need a new keyboard.
Saw this when I was walking home from school. This tragic loss put me in eggcruciating pain.
The Republicans next door say that when I play my iPhone’s music on my new HomePod in the living room, it drives them nuts.
I’m not sure why. It’s just the Speaker of the House.
What did the hydro homie say when his sister got assaulted in her own home?
Does anyone know how to stop condensation in my home?
Please call, the kettle is always on.
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
A toilet exploded in a Florida home after lightning struck a septic tank.
The owner was in septic shock.
My wife is angry because she thinks I'm letting birds make a home in my beard.
They're obviously not staying though. It's just a Hairbnb.
So the family came home from an afternoon out on the town and found something in the toilet. Nobody would claim the deed.
We had ourselves a regular poo-dunit.
I took a day trip to my childhood home today. I knocked, and when the residents answered, I explained how I grew up there - and asked if I might come inside to relive some nostalgia. They angrily refused, SLAMMED the door in my face, and threatened to call the police if I didn't leave.
My parents are the worst.
have you ever seen Stevie Wonders' personal, in-home, piano?
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey.
Cowboys in the old west used to hang lanterns on their saddles at night to help them find their way home.
This was an early form of saddle light navigation.
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey.
When your gf/bf comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings & smelling like honey…
…you know he/she’s a keeper.
Cartoonist found dead in his home.
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