A list of puns related to "Ift"
Clash: Lock The Taskbar.
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnât chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? âMy Fare, Ladyâ.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physicianâs garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
âWhatâs purple and 5000 miles long?â âOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!â
Every calendarâs days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. âFour bucks,â says the bartender. âPut it on my bill.â
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heâs a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle canât stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit âĄHow do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Whereâs the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history â with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
If it werenât for C, weâd all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who donât.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks âmay I join you?â
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft⌠and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Itâs a hardware problem.
I named my hard drive âdat assâ so once a month my computer asks if I want to âback dat ass upâ.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as sheâs been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I changed my password to âincorrectâ. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say âYour password is incorrectâ.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Itâs ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didnât know who he was.
I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didnât have internet.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar
... keep reading on reddit âĄI saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, âDo you want a liftâ. âNo thanksâ, they replied, âWeâre Walkersâ.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all ÂŁ5 apart from one that was ÂŁ10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said âthatâs maderia cakeâ.
Bought some cream, it said âstore in a cool placeâ. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says âI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherâ. The doctor says âIâm afraid you are a trifle deafâ.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisite⌠âwhat a pity it isnât illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamâs banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itâs too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itâs been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyâs death? BEN and JERRY.
Donât eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonât be able to budge.
You know youâre a mom if⌠Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say âOLE!â
FORGET LOVE⌠Iâ
... keep reading on reddit âĄFunny collection of chemistry puns
What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heâs 0K now.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone
What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.
Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you canât helium or curium, you barium!
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.
Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because itâs in the ground state.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocadoâs number.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What element is a girlâs future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heâs 0K now.
What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium
What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe
What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A âgramâ cracker.
What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.
How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a âcarbonkneelâ
What did one titration tell the other? Letâs meet at the endpoint.
How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because itâs basic material.
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down
Why do chemistry professor like to
... keep reading on reddit âĄOne of the funniest school puns; science puns
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, theyâd be alloys.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
If youâre not part of the solution, youâre part of the precipitate.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, âNo, Iâm traveling light.â
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because youâre talking nonsense!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heâs 0K now.
I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says âI think Iâll have an H2O.â The second one says âI think Iâll have an H2O tooâ â and he died.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
What element is a girlâs future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your âstyle.â
Iâm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I canât put it down.
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesnât seem to be gaining momentum.
Why canât atheists solve exponential equations? Because they donât believe in higher powers.
Schrodingerâs cat walks into a bar. And doesnât.
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies âFor you, no chargeâ.
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: âOh, no, I think I lost an electron.â âAre you sure?â
âYe
... keep reading on reddit âĄWhy didnât the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Â Kermit the Frogâs finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Â Kevin Bacon
If you canât get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, youâre bacon my heart melt.
What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.
First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trumpâs cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.
Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.
If Kevin Bacon doesnât whisper âHere comes the Baconatorâ before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost
Iâll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge thatâs not bacon
If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?
This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.
If we donât build a wall on our northern border, theyâll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.
I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.
My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaverâŚbecause Iâm Canadian.
When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know youâre getting extr
... keep reading on reddit âĄWhy couldnât the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
For Halloween Iâm going to write âLifeâ on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween, the only Candy Iâm interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
âHalloweenâ = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Iâll be your trick if youâll be my treat.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Whatâs a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A âhollow-weenie!â
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).
How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.
Iâm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do⌠by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, âA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?â The other monster replied, âBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something youâre not will lead to a sweet reward.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, itâs Election night.
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so Iâm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.
What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What do Italianâs eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Why canât the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyâre hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope itâs Halloween!!
What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.
From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns
What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!
Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesnât Hang Solow!
Why shouldnât you ask Yoda for money? Because heâs always a little short
What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi
What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks
What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul
Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!
Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!
Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.
Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.
Darth Vader: I know what youâre getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.
What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.
What is a jediâs favorite toy? A yo-yoda
What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2
Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt
What is Jabba the Huttâs middle name? âTheâ Why is Han Solo a loner? Because heâs solo.
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who wonât fight? A Sithy.
What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.
What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2
Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.
Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt
Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe
What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett
What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke
Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.
Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn
What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones
Why did
... keep reading on reddit âĄFunniest horse puns and jokes
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: âHey, weâve got a whisky named after you.â The horse replies: âWhat, George?â
A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. âEveninââ says the barman, âwhy the long face?â
A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: âWait you canât come in here without a tie.âThe horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: âThis alright?â The barman says: âHmm, ok⌠but donât be starting anything.â
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: âI shouldnât really be drinking this with what Iâve got?â âWhy, what have you got?â âAbout ÂŁ2 and a carrot.â
Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside Whatâs a horseâs favourite TV show? Neighbours
A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. âWill I be able to race this horse again?,â he asks The vet replies: âOf course you will, and youâll probably win!â
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
âIâm sorry, sir,â says the barman. âWe donât serve spirits..
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. âExcuse me, good sir,â the horse says, âare you hiring?â The manager looks the horse up and down and says, âSorry, pal. Why donât you try the circus?â The horse nickers. âWhy would the circus need a bartender?â
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What did the horse say when it fell? âIâve fallen and I canât giddyup!â
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horseâs name was Friday.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
What did the horse say when it fell? Iâve fallen and I canât giddyup!
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo
... keep reading on reddit âĄPlease note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.