My wife said, β€œI don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
The FAA has issued new guidelines on speed for airplanes to dock and passengers to board the plane.

The speeds for both are now known as "terminal velocity".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Baby Roach: β€œPapa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?”

Papa Roach: β€œSuffocation. No breathing.”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunPeach0
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Chinese understand the human leg?

Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanya_124
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
One small Step for Humanity.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blacknight68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?

I was shocked when I found out

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
This is the last thing I need
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/discovid19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...

but it does give me paws.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.

We'll see about that...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We don't have Oleg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm starting my new job as a human chess piece.

The money is great. I'm on knights next week.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Lil Nas X sold his sole to make these nike shoes with a drop of human blood
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/90210Rager
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to be a head of human resources.

But then it got too personnel.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Mt. Rushmore rocks!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
To err is human

To arrrrrr is pirate

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsaremelons
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids

then it behooves you to become a centaur.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.

Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant

The first human bean is here

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a train eat human food?

He choo it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cfager123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I built a catapult that can send a human from the USA all the way to Africa

What country you end up in depends on the Angola approach

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend creates hybrid animals. She made a cow with human glutes. It turned out to be so cute!

I really like to look at her butt-ox!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...

Because the rock is a little meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot4601
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.

So I googled and told him exactly what I found.

Basically a skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 740
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
which bone of the human body is the funny bone?

>! The Humerus!<

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KAL88K
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Human interest for 2021 Lent

A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.

This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drzowie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Introducing the fauna of the human body
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aj_seravla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say to the human

"Nice to sea you"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hash-Hasho
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?

A reboot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BatWaluigi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
So I read a study the other day claiming that β€œhumans eat more bananas than monkeys”

Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Oh the humanity
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Atalkingpizzabox
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs?

Just 5 minutes more.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Severed Human Nose Found

I live across from a lake and some fisherman found a severed human nose. The detective on the case asked if I know who it belongs to. I replied, "no body nose."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/headtattoo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Ridiculously photogenic humans (Credit: how.how)
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a human DNA joke

It’s pretty long. It comes in 46 parts. Also, everyone tells the joke differently, but usually family members tell pretty much the same joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 158
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We don't have Oleg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”

Me: That makes two of us.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.

He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".

Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...

"Just 5 minutes more "

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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