Hotter Puns

They have more degrees!

My daughter. Oh wait, I thought this was r/stepdadjokes

Um, never mind.

Mars is left feeling cold.

They’ll be missing all their fans...

Thanks Hank Green!

Guys reply: that’s because his house is closer to the sun

you only get one shot

our conversation turned into a heated conversation

Hotter

But Hell is definitely hotter.

Dad: that’s odd, it felt hotter than that.

Personally I’d love to get a little hotter.

...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?

:D

Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.

EDIT: for removal of apostrophe

Any hotter than that is uncomfortable

But now they're just super fit and hotter than ever

At work today, a friend of mine came in with two dried Carolina Reaper peppers. If you aren't familiar with these bad boys, they are hotter than Lucifer's testicles themselves. 2.2 Million Scoville units. Two times hotter than the ghost pepper.

To put it into perspective, a jalapeno is about 5000 scoville units. This one was 2.2 fucking million.

Anyway. I walked past my buddy's desk and he asked if I wanted some of the pepper.

OF COURSE I DID!!!

He gave me 1/4 of one of these little peppers and he even dared me to chew it for 15 seconds before swallowing. Which I did. To say that my mouth felt like the burning hemorrhoids of satans budding asshole would be a vast understatement.

One of the girls who sat near my buddy looks at me -- pacing back and forth around the room, sweating, crying -- and she says:

>"Cane-Dewey, are you alright!?"

I could barely breathe let alone speak. But through all the pain and angush, I still managed to mutter out:

>"No, I'm half left.

Let's turn those LubriCANTS into lubriCANS

And he says to me, about my fireplace, "you oughta use your grate. It may burn hotter and faster." Told him I opted out of using it simply because the fireplace is small. Texted him later that night, "I got that metal shelf in the fireplace, and whaddya know, IT WORKS GRATE." He's yet to reply to me still...

I told my wife that the earth's core is hotter than the surface of the sun. She replied 'oh. that's why my feet are always sweaty'.

Him: Yeah the hot wings we have are hotter than Buffalo Wild Wings blazin wings Me: How do you guys make them? Him: We usually just wing it

its hotter over there the corners are 90 degrees.

Because they have more degrees

Because they have more degrees.

Because they got more degrees