History Teacher Puns

I always use incognito mode.

She grated it.

I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.

I still don’t think he likes the present.

She kept bringing up the past.

Could not control her pupils.

He did a real good number in him.

So we are reading and a kid in my history class just yelled out “sir that would be Russia!” ... he was very incorrect but then my teacher responded “no, but I’m gonna Russia to finish this page”

Back in the day, we didn't have very tasty soup. Because of this, we put the elbow of the youngoust son in the soup. We did this every time, 30 minutes long. The soup would taste a bit more like meat.

One day, it tasted like sugar.

That's how we discovered he had diabetes.

Teacher: "When is a door, not a door? Teacher: "When it's ajar

They tend to Babylon.

So we were talking about titanic in class when my teacher pulled this one out

Friend: So I hear they're going to make another titanic.

Teacher: Oh god. I've got a sinking feeling about this one.

Everyone groaned. Except from me I chuckled. I have no regrets.

Before a final a girl in my class asked him, "is the test hard?" To which he picks up the final and moves it a bit and says, "I don't know, it's kind of flimsy!"

Student: How long is the test?

Teacher: Holds up test pretending to measure its dimensions "I'd say about eleven inches."

Another student: "Is there a curve?"

Teacher: Holds up test again this time bending it "Now there is."

So, in class we were talking about the Vietnam War and while talking about the coup detat the teacher asks "Does anyone know what a coup is?" So I say "a place where they hold chickens"

He was the cool guy teacher, so all the guys were always all buddy buddy with him. We would generally speak to him in a less professional manner. One day I said "hey teacher, I'm gonna go take a piss." To which he promptly responded, "You might want to leave one instead."

In the middle of his lecture he's asks

Teacher: What are those curved peanuts called? Girl: Cashews? Teacher: Bless you.

Collective Groan

We were doing early morning review sessions for AP euro. I was running late and instead of cooking breakfast, I just grabbed a package of ramen noodles to eat in review.

While in review, I was happily munching on my 'breakfast' when my teacher walked up to me. The following conversation ensued.

Teacher: What are you eating?

Me: Just some ramen.

Teacher: Raw?

Me: Yeah, I like it raw.

Teacher: You don't cook it?

Me: Sometimes when I have the time.

Teacher: Well, you know, if you cooked it, it wouldn't be RAWmen.

groan

I told my history teacher my band was doing a christmas performance.

Ms. Teacher- "Will there be any special guests?"

Me- "John Stamos."

Ms. Teacher- "Then it'll be full house!"

Me- 😑

It was the end of class. Before dismissing us, he informs us that we won't be having class the next day and will instead be going to the gymnasium for an assembly. When the bell rang, as everyone was leaving class, I went to his desk and asked what the assembly was supposed to be about. His Response:

"I'm just a mushroom." ...awkward pause, stare... "I live in the dark and people drop crap on me."

I wasn't really sure how to react to that. With a confused look on my face, I just turned around and walked out the door. I'm still not sure if that was a dad joke or the musings of a bitter old man. Maybe both. I don't know, it just seems like it belongs here, if only for the sheer awkwardness of it.

Had a Junior High School history teacher that just happened to have the same first name as me. We were setting up a projector for a presentation and he dropped it, breaking the bulb. He sent me for a new bulb and I came back just in time to hear him tell another student that "Bydawee broke it."

She grated it!