He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s...
Because they always end up getting expelled.
I got the F out of there.
I want to talk about my father and the wonderful influence he has had on my life,' he told the audience. 'He is a shining example of parenthood, and I love him more than words could ever do justice.'
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, 'Sorry, but it's really hard to read my father’s handwriting.'
Somebody I used to know.
Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.
Dear dad,
University i$ really great.
I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $usie.
I immediately replied back…
Dear Susie,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
dad
Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.
My dad turns to me and says, "Oops, Premature Ecapulation."
A scholarship
I had to explain— it was my Senor year.
Dad: Something is wrong with that song.
Me: Lauren says it is from Rent.
Me: It's about AIDS she says.
Dad: They ought to return it.
http://i.imgur.com/7lsPNQZ.jpg
I teach high school seniors and have been starting each day with a joke of the day. Many of them have been from this sub. My seniors have nominated me to give the graduation speech this year and have requested that I give them one final joke of the day. So dads, help me with a final dad joke that will get all the knees slapping!
I am a teacher, I teach history first semester and economics second semester.
One student was upset about having so many graphs to understand and learn how to use.
St: I'm ok with memorizing everything about history, I'm ok figuring out how wars started and ended, but graphs...
Me: graphs is where you draw the line huh?
A five on the sighsmograph. Beautiful!
Edit: spelling
Because... you must graduate High School with all Eh's.
There was a boy in high school named Bonnie. As you can imagine, he was bullied and picked on because of his strange name. This lead to social anxiety and a few other issues, but there was one girl who helped him through all of his pain. He had a huge crush on this girl, and after weeks of psyching himself up, he asked her to the school dance coming up.
Much to his delight, he said yes, and off to the dance they went. They had a great time and shortly after, started dating. They spent a lot of time together, calling, texting and always hanging out. They were meant for each other. They continued dating after high school, into college. On their graduation day, he proposed to her on the stage. He was nervous about asking her in public like this, but as he got down on one knee, her face lit up, tears formed in her eyes. He asked her to marry him, she said yes and the crowd cheered.
Fast forward a few years, they've bought their own house, and she's now pregnant with their first child. In the delivery room, Bonnie is standing by her side, their newborn child in her arms.
"I love you so much, hon." Bonnie told his wife, holding one of her hands. "You can name our baby girl anything you wise." he told her.
"Love. I want to name her Love." she replied, looking into his eyes. Bonnie was surprised by the strange name, and at first hesitant to agree, but he told her she could name their daughter anything. He nods in agreement and they carry on with their lives.
Fourteen years later, as with what happened with Bonnie, Love was picked on in high school for her strange name. One day, Love came home crying.
"What's wrong, Love?" Bonnie asked her worriedly.
"I hate you! Why did you give me such a stupid name?!" she screamed at him. She was furious. She was tired of the teasing and the mockery in high school. In a fit of rage, she pulled out Bonnie's handgun she had found in his night stand. She pulled the trigger and a bullet passed into Bonnie's chest.
Love panicked and ran away, and Bonnie's wife came after hearing the gun shot. She ran to Bonnie's side, picking his head up in her hands. She asked him what had happened.
"Shot through the heart... And you're to blame..." He said, weakly. "You gave Love... A bad name."
I'm a senior in high school, on the homestretch to graduation, then college.
>I've got one piece of advice for you when you go off to college. Choose your friends wisely. You are judged by the people around you. . .and I wouldn't want you to give any of those idiots a bad name.
So my dad substitute teaches at my old high school. When graduation parties came around last year, he was invited to one (the kids really like him).
He handed the kid a card and asked him to open it then. It was a Subway gift card. The kid looked confused, but thankful, and my dad said;
"Subs from a sub!"
Both the graduating kid and I groaned loudly.
Dear Dad,
University i$ really great.
I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $usie.
I immediately replied back…
Dear Susie,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
Dear dad,
University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $usie
I immediately replied back…
Dear Susie,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, dad
H
