Hey! Say! Puns

The other one takes a sniff and says, “No, but I can see it’s coaled outside.“

Nothing! They just waved!

Hated.

"Take me to your litter"

He's been working on his joke game. V.proud.

"Oh, it's the peanuts.

They're complimentary."

Speak now or forever hold your pee.

https://imgur.com/a/RBsr0Q9

Honestly I have no clue because it seems farmor confusing than it should be

Or something pedestrian like that.

Dad: Straw is cheaper.

And over the years, I now know to reply with:

"Well, Grass is free"

Dad: Not in California!

The string replied, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

“Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”

The priest says “yeah nun left”

“Sorry,” the owner says, “I’m lack-toes intolerant.”

The man looks at the bartender, confused, and asks "Why do you need to know my shoe size?" The bartender puffs out his chest proudly "We're the only bar in the country for big-footed people. That's no small feet."

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

The other muffin says, “holy shit! It’s a talking muffin!”

The duck looks up and says, "Hey Steve!"

After the deer walks away the bartender asks, "How do you know that deer?'

"I've never met him before in my life" says the duck.

The bartender asks, "Then how did you know his name?"

"Game recognize game."

“I'll have one beer and a mop.”

The woman on the other end of the line says "well okay, can you make sure he's dead?". Suddenly you hear a BANG "okay now what?"

the other say " AHHHH, A TALKING MUSHROOOM!!!!"

The clerk responds, "yeah buddy, the lactose is free, you just pay for the milk!"

The surgeon start the procedure and asks "Hey redditor reading this post, what do you think of the r/dadjokes subreddit?"

The man is really confused and asks "what are you doing?"

The surgeon says "Breaking the fourth ball"

The bartender says: "hey you have a steering wheel on your belt buckle"

The pirate says: "aye it's drivin me nuts"

You say “Hey MonGoose!”

"Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?", The fly asks "I mite be", giggles the mite
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard", groans the fly "What do you expect?", says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly" .

A complimentary.

"They're draft horses"

I told him,"It's actually pronounced"gnu."The "g" is silent!

The bartender says, "hey!" The horse says, "yes please!"

We all have our floss.

The mushroom replies, "Why not?! I'm a fun guy!" He then goes on to say "The name's Gus, and all my friends call me Fun Gus"

Jesus is walking in Jerusalem when he sees Benjamin Goldstein, the robemaker.

“Excuse me, Ben? I have been told that you are the man to see when you want to have robes that will last walking for miles and being touched by hundreds at a time”

Goldstein ponders for a minute, then an idea comes to him. He makes Jesus the most beautiful robes ever made, all colors and the softest but most durable material Jesus had ever seen. Jesus was grateful and wandered off to give sermons.

About a year goes by, and Jesus finds his way back to Goldstein. “Pardon me, Ben? The robes you made me were magnificent, but as all good things do, these are now well worn. Can you make me another?”

Goldstein takes a moment to plan out his masterpiece, then proceeds to make a second robe that put the first robe to shame. It almost glowed in the sunlight. While delivering it, he told Jesus, “you know, since I made your last robes, I have seen more customers come through my doors than I could ever have hoped for, and I’m sure I’ll get even more from these ones! Hey, Jesus! We should start a company!”

Jesus inquired “what should we call it?”

Goldstein shrugs and suggests, “how about Jesus and Goldstein’s robes?”

Jesus looks back and says, “let’s call it Lord and Tailor”

"Pop." goes the weasel.

Brother in law is visiting from America to meet his niece. He always wears caps and we're chilling in the sofa and he takes his cap off and puts it on his knee.

I look at it, look at my wife and say "hey look a knee cap!" She actually laughed! Which had me laughing and my brother in law just smirking saying we're weird.

Which we are, man I love my wife. Nothing better than when you tickle them with a silly one.

Hey guys!

I want to say thank you to this /r Cause when I went to the professional school I told my english teacher some of your jokes. At the end of my education he thanked me and told me, that the jokes made his day a little bit better.

I'm from Germany and I really like dad jokes. Both. The German jokes and the English jokes.

Have a nice day :)

And sees a giraffe laying on the floor so the guy walks over to the bar and says to the bartender "Hey whats that lyin on the floor?" And the bartender says "Thats not a lion, its a giraffe!"

“Hey dad,” he asked. “What happens when our motor gives out for good?”

His father thinks, then says, “Well… we Dyson.”

After he is served the beer he asks the guy next to him to watch his drink while he uses the bathroom. He does his business, and when he returns the guy watching the drink says “I wouldn’t drink that if I were you.”

“Why not?” He asks.

“That monkey over there, came over and peed in it” he informs him.

“What,” says the man, “whose monkey is that!?”

“I think it’s the piano player’s monkey,” the other guy tells him.

The man goes up to the piano player and says, “hey, do you know your monkey peed in my beer?”

The pianist replies, “no, but if you hum it I’ll try to play it.”

I was inconsolable.

The grasshopper replies “what you have a drink named Steve?”

“Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”

“You have a drink named Steve?!”

The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"

"I'm a frayed knot."

The horse says "Sure."

“Where’s the bar tender?”