Bert and Ernie are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Bert says "Hey Ernie...want some ice cream??"
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, I haven't seen your kind here before! What'll you have?"
My dad says to me,"Hey,let's go fishing! We'll take the canoe."
I told him,"It's actually pronounced"gnu."The "g" is silent!
SON: “Hey, Dad! This newspaper says the moon is going broke.”
DAD: “Why is it going broke?”
SON: “The paper says it’s going into its last quarter.”
What you you call a tree when it says to you, "Hey, you look good today!"?
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
They're complimentary."
Simple Bob walks into a bar and says, Hey everybody...I got a job.
A barfly yells back at him...How is it something so stupid can get a job? Aren't you stupid?
Simple Bob smiles and says, No because if it's stupid and it works...It ain't stupid.
Two wind turbines were standing around, complete silence except for the wind, when one asks the other, "Hey, what kind of music do like?" The other one thinks for a few revolutions and says,
"I'm a really big heavy metal fan."
So we’re driving down the road and I see rest area ahead. I say, hey kids
Speak now or forever hold your pee.
Driving through farmland with the family, my dad randomly says “Hey look! A whole flock of cows!” My uncle corrects him: “Herd of cows...”
Dad: “Of course I’ve heard of cows! Look! They’re all over the damn place!”
A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey."
Hey, does that street sign say Left Road?
https://imgur.com/a/RBsr0Q9
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, did you know we have a drink named after you?”
The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named ‘Steve’?”
Mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey we don’t allow mushrooms in here.”
The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fungi.”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”
The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
Two corn stalks are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and whispers, “Hey I gotta tell you something, you got a minute?” The other corn stalk says...
A kid says “hey dad, I’m hungry”
The dad says “wow a talking goat!”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheeling sticking out of his crotch. The bartender says, “Hey man, what’s with the wheel?”
The pirate says back, “Arrr! it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
One plant says to the other, hey, are you hungry?
Well, I could use a light snack.
Wife: Hey, this job says you need a degree.
Me: Ha, I'm 98.6 degrees.
Dina says Hey !
Dina: Hey
Me: hey Dina, do you like hang gliding ?
Dina: No, why ?
Me: I'd love to see Dina soar
Dina: was that suppose to be funny ?
Me: I thought it was Dina mite ! 💥
A grasshopper hops into a bar, hops on a bar stool, and the bartender says, “Hey, we got a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper responds, “Norman?”
Hey does anyone know how to say my dad's mom in danish?
Honestly I have no clue because it seems farmor confusing than it should be
Two teddy bears are walking down the road. One says, “Hey, man. You hungry?”
The other says “Nah man I’m stuffed.”
If Beale Street could really talk, it would probably say something like 'Hey! Stop walking on me!'
Or something pedestrian like that.
There are two bugs. The fly says to the other one “hey bug on my back... are you a mite?”
Bug responds: “I mite be.”
Fly: “Stupidest Pun I Ever Heard”
Bug: “What do you expect... I made it up on the fly”
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"
The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
Stranger says "Hey" to my Dad
My Dad replies with "Is for horses, sheep & cows.".
One fish says to another fish, "Hey Fred, what's the quickest way to Johnny's?"
Every single time I say "Hey"
Dad: Straw is cheaper.
And over the years, I now know to reply with:
"Well, Grass is free"
Dad: Not in California!
This groaner works whenever a friend says;"Hey do you know who I ran into today"?
Friend: Do you know who I ran into today?
Me:who?
Friend:Lucy
Me: Oh, did it hurt?
Everyone involved:eye roll
A termite walks into a bar and says, “Hey!”
“Where’s the bar tender?”
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says “hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver replies “what? Kevin?”
Mushroom walks into a bar, bartender says "hey we dont serve your kind in here!"
Mushroom says, "why not? I'm a fun-guy"
A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "hey we have a drink named after you!"
- "you have a drink named Steve?"
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