Funny Hello Puns

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Hello, if you could please make a funny pun so I could get extra credit for the title of my essay, that would be great.

Topic: Pursuit of Knowledge- Frankenstein.

Doctor, "Hello, thanks for being patient" Me, "Hello, thanks for being doctor" We both chuckled

Hello, I'm in Vet school and just can't seem to compete with some of my fellow students' surgery team names. As students, we work together to do spays and neuters for shelter animals. We like to use funny pun names.

Ideas that have already been taken: "Ovarian Cysters" "Dogtors at Your Cervix" "Eggs Ovary-Z"

‭020 8125 7830‬: Hello, I’m calling about the accident you had in the last two years. Me: Gosh how did you know I trapped my cock in the hotel drawer? ‭020 8125 7830‬: (hesitation) So you’ve had an accident within the last two years? Me: Yes I trapped my penis in the drawer at a Holiday Inn. Now it’s gone a funny colour, and hurts all the time. ‭020 8125 7830‬: (hesitation.....) Click.

BLOCKED.

My co-worker turned to a veteran employee and said, “ya know, for as long as ugg has been around I’m surprised they haven’t made any uggs for dogs.”

I chuckle to myself for a few seconds and he asks, “What the hell is so funny?”

I respond in the voice of an over enthusiastic sales man, “Hello there miss, I see you’ve brought your dog in today, what size is she....K-9?”

I had a quintessential moment that I never thought would come...

My family and I were at church, and my son comes over and pokes at me to get my attention. I lean in close, and he says "I'm hungry."

My response? "Hello Hungry. I'm Dad, how are you?"

Needless to say, there were some folks who were unimpressed with us trying to stifle our laughter...or my pride that he thought it was funny. Got to start 'em young!

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

I got a call at work today.

Caller: Hello, this is Bob and I'm calling on behalf of Jim who works for (some company). He is deaf so I'll be talking on the phone and translating for him.

Me: Oh, we won't need you then. My wife knows sign language, let me go get her.

I hand her the phone and leave so I can imagine their conversation being about how funny I am.

So I Have never been close to my dad because he is old school. You know, republican, really catholic, really fit, clean hair cut, big sports fan, etc. He can be funny but really only shows his fun side with the little kids in the family or his brothers.

Well my little sister is incharge or answering the house phone and when she was younger this happened a lot:

Sister: hello?(pause) hangs up phone Dad: who was it? Sister: nobody Dad: oh, i told him to stop calling. Well what did Nobody want? Sister: What ? Dad: you said Nobody called, i asked what he wanted. Sister: Nooooo, nobody called Dad: i know he called, what did he want

This would go on for a while