Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
A farmer said to me “I have 68 sheep. Can you help round them up for me?”
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
I asked my friend "Bro, can you help me designing this pamphlet?"
A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
Can you guys help me come up with puns with the name Elle?
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
Me: Hey, I’m stuck on a crossword clue..”Overworked Postman”. Can you help?
Her: Ok. How many letters?
Me: Too many.
Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?
A man came to the doctor and said "you have to help me I'm shrinking", the doctor turned to him and said "I'm sorry you'll have to be a little patient"
Can you help me come up with some jokes for a mental health workshop?
I have to give a workshop on anxiety and depression today and I would like to have some jokes locked in to defuse the tension if needed.
I usually don't have much trouble to come up with dad jokes on the go, but it would be nice to have some in the back burner.
Thanks!
You don't want me to help dress you for your wedding?
So I walked into doctor’s office and said “Doc can you help me out ?“
He said “Sure, which way did you come in?”
Son: Dad, can you help me secure this with a string?
Me, to my 4 yo: “Do you need help blowing your nose?”
4yo: “yep!”
Me: blows on child’s nose.
4yo: eyeroll
Dad joked my little sister. Can you help me with a crossword puzzle?
Reading a newspaper, casually turn to my little sister and ask "can you help me with a crossword puzzle? The clue is Postman's bag"
Her: "how many letters?"
Me: "LOADS OF THEM!"
Can you guys help me develop a list of puns with the name "impossible burger?"
So at work recently theres this vegan burger called the impossible burger. when we pack them up we have to label the number of burgers and the name of them. Typically I wouldn't mess with that stuff since it might throw off the person restocking but the containers they put it all in makes it all quite apparent which ones are which burger. Anywho I began making puns on the labels starting with "kim-possible burger" and I wanted to see what you all could come up with. (I also did the small pee-pee burger but that wasn't really a pun). Anyways plz comment what you can think of that would be a pretty cool pun for the list and I will compile it all together. Thanks and regards,
Thomas
"Hey beaver, do you want to help me pile these branches together?"
"Of course I damn would."
I was going to receive a promotion at work soon so I bought the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" to help me find out what to expect.
It turns out that the book was not what I expected at all.
Son:"Dad , Pennywise took my cards again. Can you help me?"
No, son. Deal with IT yourself.
Dad, can you help me with this math problem? I'm stuck.
Glad to help, but I'm pretty certain we named you Robert. I'll check with your mom, though.
"I've almost completed a crossword. I was wondering if you could help me," I told this girl on the train.
"I just need one more word. Six letters...another word for 'material'."
She said, "That's fabric."
"It's pretty great, isn't it?" I replied. "But my name isn't Rick."
A man barges into the doctor’s office and says “Doc, you’ve got to help me! I’ve turned invisible!!”
“I’m sorry,” the doctor replies, “but I can’t see you right now.”
Can you help me with a crossword? I need another word for "Instruments in a string quartet."
Because violins is never the answer.
[request] can you help me make a sad or depressing pun?
Need a pun about flight by tomorrow, can you guys help me out, or am I just going to have to wing it?
I have a Science Fair project on how music effects concentration and memory. Can any of you guys help me think of a punny or clever title?
If there's anything I'm terrible at, it's coming up with puns. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!
Can you guys help me remember how to throw a boomerang?
Never mind, it came back to me.
r/puns can you help me out with one on height?
I'm texting a friend and made a joke about his height which he responded with "that's a low blow". I wanted to make a snappy comeback with something along the lines of "I guess you could say it was a _________" but I'm drawing a blank. Maybe you can help out? :)
A therapist was with a client when another client burst in and said, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having a nightmare that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards."
The therapist looked at him calmly and said, "I'm with another client. I'll deal with you later."
A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Me: Hey, can you help me with a crossword clue? I’m stuck.
Her: Sure, what is it?
Me: “Overworked postmen.”
Her: But how many letters?
Me: Too many.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Me: I’m stuck on this crossword clue—“an unemployed postman”! Can you help me?
Her: But how many letters?
Me: Zero.
"Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter!"
My doctor replied, "I don't follow you."
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