Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A farmer said to me β€œI have 68 sheep. Can you help round them up for me?”

I said sure. 70.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œCan you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”

And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I asked my friend "Bro, can you help me designing this pamphlet?"

He said "Brochure"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinotm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"

The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mac-n-treez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Can you guys help me come up with puns with the name Elle?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i4viator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExistentialYurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcleodpirate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
You gotta help me!
πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShebanotDoge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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Me: Hey, I’m stuck on a crossword clue..”Overworked Postman”. Can you help?

Her: Ok. How many letters?

Me: Too many.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?

Because I'm Stumped!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murphy223
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you help me come up with some jokes for a mental health workshop?

I have to give a workshop on anxiety and depression today and I would like to have some jokes locked in to defuse the tension if needed. I usually don't have much trouble to come up with dad jokes on the go, but it would be nice to have some in the back burner. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/versung
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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A man came to the doctor and said "you have to help me I'm shrinking", the doctor turned to him and said "I'm sorry you'll have to be a little patient"
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alice_bae
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
You don't want me to help dress you for your wedding?

Fine, suit yourself

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you help me out?
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRR2012
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
So I walked into doctor’s office and said β€œDoc can you help me out ?β€œ

He said β€œSure, which way did you come in?”

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A98HondaCivic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, can you help me secure this with a string?

Dad: Sure, why knot!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Me, to my 4 yo: β€œDo you need help blowing your nose?”

4yo: β€œyep!”

Me: blows on child’s nose.

4yo: eyeroll

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my little sister. Can you help me with a crossword puzzle?

Reading a newspaper, casually turn to my little sister and ask "can you help me with a crossword puzzle? The clue is Postman's bag"

Her: "how many letters?"

Me: "LOADS OF THEM!"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trilson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Can you guys help me develop a list of puns with the name "impossible burger?"

So at work recently theres this vegan burger called the impossible burger. when we pack them up we have to label the number of burgers and the name of them. Typically I wouldn't mess with that stuff since it might throw off the person restocking but the containers they put it all in makes it all quite apparent which ones are which burger. Anywho I began making puns on the labels starting with "kim-possible burger" and I wanted to see what you all could come up with. (I also did the small pee-pee burger but that wasn't really a pun). Anyways plz comment what you can think of that would be a pretty cool pun for the list and I will compile it all together. Thanks and regards, Thomas

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zhaoneng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
"Hey beaver, do you want to help me pile these branches together?"

"Of course I damn would."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viquor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going to receive a promotion at work soon so I bought the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" to help me find out what to expect.

It turns out that the book was not what I expected at all.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Son:"Dad , Pennywise took my cards again. Can you help me?"

No, son. Deal with IT yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MolzeNightshade
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
"I've almost completed a crossword. I was wondering if you could help me," I told this girl on the train.

"I just need one more word. Six letters...another word for 'material'."

She said, "That's fabric."

"It's pretty great, isn't it?" I replied. "But my name isn't Rick."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Dad, can you help me with this math problem? I'm stuck.

Glad to help, but I'm pretty certain we named you Robert. I'll check with your mom, though.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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A man barges into the doctor’s office and says β€œDoc, you’ve got to help me! I’ve turned invisible!!”

β€œI’m sorry,” the doctor replies, β€œbut I can’t see you right now.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/choochoopants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Can you help me with a crossword? I need another word for "Instruments in a string quartet."

Because violins is never the answer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad87Wallaby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
[request] can you help me make a sad or depressing pun?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/INeedHelpPlease97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Need a pun about flight by tomorrow, can you guys help me out, or am I just going to have to wing it?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intelligenttrees
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2013
🚨︎ report
I have a Science Fair project on how music effects concentration and memory. Can any of you guys help me think of a punny or clever title?

If there's anything I'm terrible at, it's coming up with puns. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MurderousPaper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Can you guys help me remember how to throw a boomerang?

Never mind, it came back to me.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grandpawillow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
🚨︎ report
r/puns can you help me out with one on height?

I'm texting a friend and made a joke about his height which he responded with "that's a low blow". I wanted to make a snappy comeback with something along the lines of "I guess you could say it was a _________" but I'm drawing a blank. Maybe you can help out? :)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iHateTexting
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2013
🚨︎ report
A therapist was with a client when another client burst in and said, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having a nightmare that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards."

The therapist looked at him calmly and said, "I'm with another client. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"

The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Hey, can you help me with a crossword clue? I’m stuck.

Her: Sure, what is it?

Me: β€œOverworked postmen.”

Her: But how many letters?

Me: Too many.

πŸ‘︎ 238
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: I’m stuck on this crossword clueβ€”β€œan unemployed postman”! Can you help me?

Her: But how many letters?

Me: Zero.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
"Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter!"

My doctor replied, "I don't follow you."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2016
🚨︎ report

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