Heinz tomato ketchup joke

That tomato better ketchup because it’s be(Heinz)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cursed-boy
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife bought store brand ketchup despite the fact that I like Heinz. I threw it out, so now I guess she knows....

....Heinzsight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostShadow21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.

In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz-sight.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouselise
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The Heinz company came out with a pair of eyeglasses.

They claim it will make your vision 57/57

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes

Now I have Heinzsight

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes

But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Isokuovi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I got ketchup in my eye.

I learned Heinz site is not always 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.

She took it as a condiment.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avandoorslaer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are tomatos the slowest?

They cant ketchup.

:D

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Cleric
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing

I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!

I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...

"Heinz-sight is 20/20"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My son said, β€œI accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.”

I said, β€œThat’s Heinz sight for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes

But that’s Heinz sight

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What would Walter White be called if he dealt in ketchup instead of meth?

Heinzenburg

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Those small packets of ketchup are here because the big bottles didn't know what a condiment.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?

A tormato.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't impressed with the ketchup manufacturer's market research.

They had terrible sauces.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinTaisa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Crushed x2 tomatoes
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What happened to the boy who got tomato sauce in his eyes?

Dunno. But he probably learnt his lesson because Heinz sight is 20/20!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsters_paradise
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all

G : what type of apples grow on trees ?

my dumbass : idk red and green ?

G : all of them do

wheezes

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malikbefine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.

I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A cabbage, a tomato, and a nose were having a race.

The cabbage was ahead, the nose was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The rock was cooking but forgot the ketchup.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrGonarch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you fix broken tomatoes?

Tomato paste.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourchimney
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do brave tomatoes go when they die?

Valsalsa.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryanaston
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
You can use ketchup to tell the future

In Heinzsight you probably can't

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tragicsnow11740
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I decided to rub ketchup in my eyes

In Heinz sight it wasn’t a good idea

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LarryLones
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I put ketchup in my eyes

in heinzsight, it was a very bad mistake

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the ketchup blush?

Because she saw the salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afterglowsky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
A tomato and a lettuce are in race. The lettuce is a head while the tomato has to ketchup.
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silentbrker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put ketchup in the shopping list

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 365
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sm-aug
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a slow tomato?

Ketchup!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matrix-wizard3
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once.

It was a evil idea in Heinz- sight.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes :(

Yeah, now I have Heinzsight.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyThereLinus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing eyes with ketchup

But that’s Heinz sight

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abowlofspicyramen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally got ketchup in my eyes

Now I have heinzsight

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllanCD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My son told me, β€œDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”

I said, β€œThat’s Heinz sight for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 456
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My Wife Asked Me To Put Ketchup On The Shopping List

Now I can't read any of it

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamesiePig22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put Ketchup on the shopping list ..

But now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?

I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.

Now I can't read it.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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