My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...

We called her Auntie Up.

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📅︎ Dec 09 2019
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My foster bro accidentally made a dad joke that I laughed at heartily while everyone stared.

So some guests were over and he was asking me to play a game with him. I felt obligated to stay with the guests, so after some refusal he jokingly massaged my shoulders and said "but I knead you. "

Turns out he just meant "need"....

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👤︎ u/TagRag
📅︎ Aug 06 2015
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Why do comedians love cardiologists ?

Because they laugh heartily.

DEAD YET ?

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📅︎ Mar 02 2021
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A father catches his son watching Twilight by himself.

The boy says, "Dad, it isn't what it looks like!"

His father laughs heartily and sits down next to him.

"Boy," he says, "you can watch Twilight once."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Of course not, but remember if you ever watch it again..."

His smile vanishes in an instant.

"...it's a Pattinson."

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📅︎ Oct 20 2020
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Got my desk-mate today...

We moved desks on Monday and today I found a working highlighter which the previous occupant had left under mine. My colleague groaned when I told him it was 'the highlight of my day'.

👍︎ 326
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📅︎ Aug 06 2015
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Five hundred people were exposed to ten different puns, to see if any of them made the subject laugh.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

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📅︎ Aug 26 2016
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My dad at the fair when he was younger... he was destined to be a dad.

After winning a live fish at the fair, my dad and his friends go out for dinner.

Dad: Do you serve fish here?

Waiter: Yes.

Dad: Ok great, (holds up fish) he'll have the steak.

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📅︎ Aug 29 2014
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Nov 25 2013
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My mom made this one.

I was telling my mom this joke went she replied:

"Some of you chemistry people can be unstable sometimes."

As a lover of chemistry jokes, I laughed heartily.

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📅︎ Feb 13 2014
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Every god damn time I lose something

"There's one place you haven't looked." "Where??" "Where it is!" laughs heartily

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📅︎ Aug 02 2013
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Every time we go to an Italian Restaurant..

Server: Would you like the soup or salad with your entree?

Dad: I don't want the super salad, I want the REGULAR one! (Proceeds to guffaw heartily until the server rolls his/her eyes and walks away)

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📅︎ Aug 13 2013
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Got my wife during shark week

Wife: "I feel funny"

Me: "Then tell me a joke"

Wife: As she rolls her eyes " I mean my insides feel funny "

Me: "Then tell me an inside joke"

She just sighed and went to bed while I chuckled heartily.

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👤︎ u/dirtygreen
📅︎ Jan 05 2015
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Told my dad why I didn't get much sleep...

Me: I couldn't get to sleep for ages because there was a beetle in my room that kept flying at me.

Dad: Was it John, Paul, George or Ringo?

Me: Oh jesus christ...

Commence him laughing heartily.

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📅︎ Apr 08 2015
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my dad at his finest

dad: hey do you wanna know what they call an Italian suppository?

blank stares from the family

dad: innuendo, (in a terrible Italian accent)

he then proceeded to heartily laugh at his own joke.

edit: formatting

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👤︎ u/Gannon-guy
📅︎ Dec 05 2013
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Dad-joked my own dad

We were sitting at the table when he started looking at my mom's More magazine:

Him: "What to wear at 30, 40, 50, and 60, huh?"

Me: "Well, clothes wouldn't be a bad idea"

We then heartily chuckled for a few moments.

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📅︎ Mar 04 2014
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My friend Alexander recently broke his collarbone...

My friend Alexander recently broke his collarbone, and he was complaining that he could no longer lift anything with his right arm. He was particularly upset that his hard-won gainz would atrophy, so he would be stronger on his left side than his right.

"Now you'll be asymmetricAl" I said.

Everyone laughed I chuckled heartily to myself whilst everyone within earshot gave me a weird look.

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📅︎ Jun 09 2015
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Dad joke'd on campus, by a girl

Little background: I was standing on a roughly-3' rock wall along a sidewalk/eating area on campus. My friend was sitting at a table next to this.

We were engaging in a lively discussion when a girl walks by and sternly asks; "Are you talking down to her?" - and starts laughing maniacally.

Having a solid appreciation for dad jokes, I laugh heartily too and gently whisper "be my dad?" as she walks away...

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Apr 17 2014
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Dad joke about beheading

So my boss and I are painting a large room and we tend to talk aimlessly about random stuff when working.

We start talking about what the best way to die would be and the topic comes up about beheading and the different methods throughout the ages.

Me: "Guillotine is kinda cool because your head gets sheared off and your still alive and they hold your head toward the cheering crowds and apparently you can still see them, and even move your eyes.

Him: what about by axe?

me: Beheading by Axe would be painful because not only do you not die right away, but sometimes it takes multiple swings to take your head off. It even gets stuck sometimes.

Him: So the Executioner would be having to pry the Axe back and forth like its stuck in a log?

Me: yeah.

Him: What a pain in the neck.

I heartily bellowed in laughter , guffawed even, and gave him props for it.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Jul 24 2014
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Dadjoked A Coworker

Coworker: I'm going to quit and go work part time for Edye (a former employee who started her own business in the same field and has a bunch of cats at her office). I'll just feed her cats.

Me: She doesn't eat cats, does she?

He groaned pretty heartily when he finally got it.

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👤︎ u/TidalDave
📅︎ Aug 02 2014
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My friend dad-joked me today

I was going to get together with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and I wanted to go out to lunch sometime.

Me: "What does your schedule look like?"

His response? "It has white pages, with black ink, and a blue cover." He then chuckled heartily.

I fear he must have gotten his girlfriend pregnant or something.

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👤︎ u/Taterbawgs
📅︎ Nov 03 2013
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So my dad

...just came in from walking our new puppy. He had her chain leash looped over and hooked on itself around his neck. He says, "Look, I'm Mr. B.! Get it?! Like Mr. T.!! Except our last name starts with 'B'!!!!!" He then proceeded to eat an apple and chuckle heartily for the next few minutes.

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👤︎ u/ianjoebag
📅︎ Sep 27 2013
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