Guilelessness Puns

Its the gun from the dragon keep dlc where you had to roll dice, sometimes when trying to reload, it just falls from my hands..

I know it says "slippery when wet" but should i take that seriously?

was subbing at a new school and covering lunch and the kiddos didn't believe I was older. I pulled down my mask to show my grey stache and beard and one little guy says "Mr Bland, you look better with the mask on."

all I could do was agree XD

It's so refreshing to have a character like this. I hope I have a daughter like this some day. I tend to be a cynical person sometimes and it's so refreshing to see someone who is the complete opposite.

The entire thing is steeped in mawkish nostalgia. From the high school yearbook photo shoot meet cute at the beginning to the kiss at the pinball arcade at end, adolescent exhilaration literally runs through this movie, and the protagonists do a lot of it. Gary runs steadfast towards adulthood with a precocious intelligence yet there is always naïveté and guilelessness attached to his actions. Pimply faced Gary dressed in a tacky white suit smoking cigarettes only to wince at the cloud of smoke he just exhaled is the clearest depiction of this contradiction.

While Alana is aimless running back towards the addictive infatuation Gary provides her and towards the infectious, carefree excitement of being a remarkable teenage boy’s muse. Alana‘s case is more tragic because it is unclear what her future holds since she has lost her ambition and feels an acute powerlessness, destined only to be used as a prop by the men around her. The scene with the talent agent telling her “you’re a dog, a fighter” was undercut by the obvious fact that she wants her to do topless scenes and that Gary lead her there, instructed her what to say the entire time. Both Gary and Alana share a desperation for self actualization but Alana doesn’t have the luxury of having her entire twenties ahead of her; of being a resourceful, connected, apparently well to do teenage boy.

”if you smoke that cigarette you are going to throw up like a little bitch.” This scene felt like it masked a lot of personal resentment Alana has towards Gary. Despite all her teasing, both sexual and derisive in nature, most hurtful of all despite her seniority, it is always clear that insecure Alana needs Gary more than he needs her, that Gary is better equipped to handle adulthood than Alana is. Adulthood is painful to Alana but Gary can stomach it. Alana cannot which is why at the very end she runs back to Gary, succumbing to his advances and the lifestyle it entails. When she says “I love you“ she really means ”I love this.” The movie stops short of showing us a The Graduate style epiphany. The viewer remains captive to the charm of the movie to the very end. Beneath the movie going experience is the knowledge that it will eventually end with the viewer returning to the real world. Just like Alana with Gary. Or like David Bowie’s song *Life on Mars?* the movie seems to comment on the viewer’s willful ignorance and desire for escapism no matter what a “saddening bore” it all is.

Beneath the charming attra

This morning I started Dark Wizard by Jeffe Kennedy and bumped into an element I've sort of noticed a few times in fiction that I find amusing/fun. I'm not sure that it occurs often enough to be a trope but I thought I'd mention the pattern I've enjoyed.

Specifically, characters who perform epic sexual feats while acting like it is normal, whether from genuine naïveté or for other reasons.

In Dark Wizard, the MMC Lord Phel has one night with the FMC Nic to impregnate her for Worldbuilding Reasons. Nic had already gone through this little arrangement with several other suitors at this point, who generally are just like "bend over" and unceremoniously and uncomfortably do the thing. While Nic and Lord Phel are chatting before doing the deed, however, he's just casually like "well I expect to do it like five or six times because, you know, it's my only shot." And he is genuinely unaware that this is...ambitious by most people's standards--he's assuming all previous suitors did the same or more.

Of course, they end up doing it seven times because a romance hero will always underpromise and overdeliver. And while actually having sex seven times in a night sounds more exhausting than sexy/romantic in practice...it's nevertheless quite the display of capability.

This reminded me of a few other moments like that. One is Dirk Diggler's first "performance" in Paul Thomas Anderson's decidedly unromance (but great) film Boogie Nights when he innocently stuns the professional porn crew (and costar) with his first scene before casually saying that he can go again.

Another book favorite of the trope is from Lois McMaster Bujold's Cetaganda--also not a romance though the character would eventually have his romance with her later Captain Vorpatril Alliance. Ivan, at this point acting as sidekick of sorts for his cousin Miles the protagonist, is on the planet Cetaganda. It's a historical enemy of his world, now in a cold war type state. Cetaganda has a genetic caste system and he's interacting with the Ghem, the lower "aristocracy" who are genetic engineered to human perfection of sorts. I don't remember the exact details, but he ends up getting slipped an impotence-inducing drug by a Ghem lord when he is off to hook up with a couple of Ghem ladies in order to humiliate the outland barbarian. Ivan manages to save face by convincing the Ghem ladies that his honorable culture requires that the man pleasure the woman three times before actually having se

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because he’s so cute and innocent. This popped into my head while reading up on the CEO event. Voyager is exactly the kind of person to tell Penth that she is very pretty. I can see her looking at that innocent and guileless face and warring between rage and being overcome by purity. Finally she takes a deep breath, pats him on the head and says thank you.

Cu them calls her a real looker from behind her back, and receives a meteor hammer to the face.

What else can Voyager (as well as other cute/innocent servants) get away with that others can’t?

Taken from PTS and with courtesy of u/DrYoshiyahu

Dance of Destruction The stars were falling. Or maybe it was the whole of the sky, sliding into the sea. Gilgamesh couldn't be sure. Either way, it wasn't a good sign. He turned away from the opening in the roof of Tiamat's temple-palace and looked at Neith. "Something has changed," he said.

"No. This has been coming for some time. The world is a [sic]

"What now?" Merlin asked. His voice sounded small in the stultifying silence that followed the end of everything. He looked at Atlas. Freed of his burden, the Titan had made himself comfortable. He met Merlin's gaze with a lazy smile.

"Now? Nothing, save watch the cosmic sea roll in." Atlas stretched and leaned back against a rock with his hands clasped behind his head. "I don't know about you, but I'm interested to see what happens when it reaches us."

"You will drown," Tiamat rumbled, her gaze on the heavens. "Everything that is will drown. Except for me."

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Atlas asked. "For the great sea to swallow all of creation, so that you might attempt to pull something new from the black waters?"

"Attempt?" Merlin asked. He'd never considered the possibility that Tiamat might fail. It had seemed a foregone conclusion. But if she failed—what then?

"I will do it," Tiamat said. Merlin looked askance at her. Was that a note of doubt in her voice? Even a single moment of weakness could spell disaster.

"Perhaps." Atlas stretched again—he seemed to take inordinate pleasure in so simple an action, Merlin thought—and continued, "Or perhaps you are beginning to think about what I said earlier. That what comes next might not be what you imagined, or to your liking."

Tiamat turned and fixed the Titan with a glare. "No. I am merely impatient to see it done. I do not like this waiting. Where is the deluge I was promised?"

Atlas gestured airily. "Somewhere out there, racing inwards from the edges of existence. I told you—time was first, then the stars and finally, us. When the moment comes, only the strong will be able to avoid the undertow."

Merlin frowned. "Are you certain of that?"

Atlas glanced at him. "A little late to be asking me that, don't you think?"

Merlin turned away, searching for the familiar figure of Cliodna. [sic] The Banshee Queen stood some distance away, watching. Waiting—but for what? But in truth, he knew the answer to that. Just as he'd known what he must do the moment he'd allied himself with Tiamat. He looked down

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

The Dauntless

Gerald wasn’t sure what he was expecting as he exited The Dauntless. Usually the end result of blowing off steam online was getting banned from some game or another until he made a new account and did it all over again. But of course expecting a normal, rational and sane response in this insane galaxy was likely insanity itself now wasn’t it?

He had heard of the Gravia, seen the pictures of the women. Too many straight lines and perfect shapes. Honestly the race looked like geometry homework more than anything. Albeit in a fashion that a lonely high school teacher would put together in a half awake daze then lose his next few paychecks if not his job for.

Now, of course pictures of a Gravia as he’s doing extra last second research is one thing. Getting Frenched by one is another. He pushes back and she pulls away to smile. Seeming to shift from a small number to an enormous amount of polygons at the same time, it was like watching the strangest tech demo in real time as she shifted from to low resolution right in front of him. The effect was ethereal and otherworldly. Her eyes were enormous and guileless, her outfit was a single nylon dress that left her breasts halfway through spilling out and her hips bulging at the sides. Strappy, stiletto heels and big jangly bracelets and earrings complete the look of brainless but beautiful. She makes the already over the top and downright pornographic races of the galaxy look both conservative and understated.

“Okay that was...”

“Over the top? Oh I know cutie pie, come on! Let’s walk and talk! There’s like a wonderful little cafe nearby that has Cannidor dishes meaning that you can have something with the kind of pizzazz and wow that you’re like used to having ya know?” She says grabbing him by the arm and dragging him off.

“Wait this was supposed to...”

“Be a big talkity talk about how you were just playing around and that you’d rather get to know me and blah blah blah! I know! Like I totally know already! The whole paperwork bit and the certificates won’t stand up in a court if that’s whatcha worried about so just relax cutie! It was all bait so you’d come out to talk!” Maidenfair gushes at him and Gerald blinks in shock.

“Wait so this is...” He asks as she brings him over to a hot pink convertible and all but bundles him into the passenger’s seat with a combination of fussing, pulling and more than a few kisses that is slowly painting his face bright pink. She slips into her seat before st

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

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Before she had eyes in her head, the stories say, she could already see.

The day the First Prophet learned to speak was the day her guardians learned she was having visions. Dreams that intersected waking life.

Nobody believed the visions were real, least of all the assembly of pediatric neurologists, psychologists and psychiatrists who came to analyze her. To “cure” her. Even the First Prophet, who was called Emerett back then, did not believe her dreams were real (except when she was in the middle of them).

But the anti-hallucinatory medication was neither effective, nor was it worth the costs on her mental development. These waking dreams did not appear harmful, so the experts and her guardians agreed on a different course. Monitor her, make note of any adverse effects, and hope she grows out of them. No further action to be taken at this time.

At first, monitoring was intense. She was required to report her dreams, multiple times a day. She gave detailed explanations of people who did not exist, having conversations that did not make sense. Sometimes, she would refer to concepts - gravitational exception, or the limitations of speed - of which no child should understand. But she could not demonstrate knowledge, and so it was marked as childish imitation. Most likely, they said, she had been eavesdropping on adults, and using their words to garner attention. Still, they studied her.

Over time, she became intimately familiar with her own mind, through the lens of deeply experienced medical professionals, and their endless questions.

But as the days moved into years, and the experts found no source from which her visions sprang forth, they began to take her affliction less seriously. Even as she grew out of childhood, and out of adolescence, and into her first - and only - life as the woman named Emorynn, she became little more than a puzzle for bored biologists. Many tried to eliminate her visions. No pills, no cognitive treatments, nor any kind of neurological analysis, physical or otherwise, seemed to have any effect.

In the end, they chalked it up to a slight abnormality with her brain. Tissue, growing where it should not have been. And unless she would

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

adjective

devoid of guile; innocent and without deception.

"his face, once so open and guileless"

Similar:

artless

ingenuous

open