A list of puns related to "Group Of 3"
Because they literally canβt even.
My son asked if this was an odd jokeβ¦
I said no son, I canβt evenβ¦
I said "You shouldn't go out in public like that. You would look shady." No one responded. I apologized for the lame joke. I tell lame jokes like this all the time and that might have been the last straw. What do I do? Help.
I was going to have a poll but that type of post isnβt allowed here. Iβve been seeing a lot of jokes that others wouldnβt count as dad jokes. There seems to be a lot of stances on the matter.
I personally donβt mind them as long as theyβre not offensive to a specific group of people and marked as NSFW, but I just wanted to see what everyone else thought. Just want everyone to be happy and feel welcome here π
In my book group the other day we were talking about overseas travel.
One guy had been to Australia years ago. βWhatβs the name of that big rock in the middle of the continent?β he asked. Somebody said, Ayers Rock.
βYeah, thatβs it.β he said. βI climbed it.β
βWow, you climbed Ayers Rock?β
βYeah, but they donβt let you do that any more.β
I piped right up: βClimb-it change.β
Loud groans and shaking heads all around. Dad joke accomplished.
I was the oldest dude there. I'm 34. I dunno why that matters, but yeah.
Group of girls and guys standing around in his backyard, talking about crap.
One of his mates discovers a #4 shaver bit in the grass and picks it up, confused. He says, with the whole group noticing, "Why the hell is this shaver thing on your lawn?"
My cousin kinda shrugs, and the group doesn't really know how to react.
I chime in.
I said, "Hey... He's putting that toward his shavings..."
The group laughs. I'm cool again.
Sounds like bullshit but it just happened. Maybe I'm cool.
Cheers.
Sitting with a group of old timers, a young lady come up and asked the one who looked the oldest of us the secret of his longevity; he said well I drink a quart of whiskey a day and chase women all night. Then she said; well how old are yah? He looked at her with his Ole weathered face and said in a gruff wheezy voice, 28.
But don't worry, it was just a group of crows.
A few years ago a group of researchers was working to find out if the shape of a snail's shell is at all dependent on aerodynamics. One of the ways to test this is to give the snails different shells in different shapes to see how this impacts them.
Obviously, they needed a baseline measure. The researchers decided the baseline--instead of being the shell that came with the snail--should be the snail with no shell.
Many thought that the removal of the shell would allow the snails to move more quickly but the researchers found that when they removed the shells from the snails they became more sluggish.
A crow was observed approaching a small group of seagulls that were eating, with a shiny object. One of the seagulls took the gift, and in exchange brought over a piece of calamari the seagulls had gulls had been pecking at. The crow exhibited a βhappyβ dance and then flew off with the food.
This is believed to be the first documented example of a βSquid Pro Crowβ in the wild.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
βBut why?β they asked, as they moved off.
βBecause,β he said, βI canβt stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.β
His first shot is right down the middle, but the second shot lands in a sand trap. He swings hard. The ball clears the trap but hooks badly. A famous rock group is walking by. The ball ricochets off the side of the head of Mick Jagger, killing him instantly. It bounces off the head of Keith Richards, killing him too, but then lands on the green and rolls into the cup.
Yep, you got it, he killed two Stones with one birdie.
When a group of Co-workers all tried to print something at the same time.
There's been a report of a small group of terrorists defacing frescoes in Padua, Italy. The attackers used cable winches and box cutters defacing the priceless artworks. Conservators have called it the worst episode of Attack on Titian in living memory.
As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. He threatened the manager by saying, "If you try to do anything smart, you're geography." The manager was confused and asked him, "Don't you mean 'You are history'?" The robber angrily replied back, "Don't you dare change the subject, okay?"
A father bull and his son were roaming the field one day and the son spotted a group of cows at the bottom of the hill.
High pitch bull: Pop! Pop! Hey, what do say we run down there and have our way with some of those cows?
Low pitch bull: No, son. We'll walk down there and have our way with all of them.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
This guy walks out of a store screaming how they're cheats and frauds. He then proceeds to knock over a mannequin and a few other decorations.
He then buys a coffee, is a jerk to the cashier and then spills some on the floor. He walks away and snaps his fingers at the janitor to clean it up.
The last straw was when he walks up to a group of school kids and starts ranting about how they should drop out of school and rise up against the establishment.
Security finally escorted him out kicking and screaming. Finally things calmed down a bit.
All in all, it was just another dick in the mall.
A marine mammal research group captured a rather odd porpoise on a recent trip. It appeared to have feet! After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.
"Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "wouldn't it be humane to have our ship's doctor amputate the feet so that it can live like other porpoises?"
"Not on your life!" exclaimed the doctor. "That would be defeeting the porpoise."
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘I said it Δt : pro. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction.
pro. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb.
Director: "you mean a choir?"
Me: exasperated sigh yes, fine. How do aquire one of those singing groups?
I hope this appropriate to ask here. I am going to create a mental health support group on Facebook for Australian/New Zealand dental students and am needing a catchy/punny name. Currently there exists two mental health support groups that I know of on Facebook, both for dentists and not students. One is called Mental Dental and the other is called The Mental Block (alluding to the mental nerve in dentistry), so obviously I can't use those.
I'm not great with word games/etc so really appreciate any help. Thank you!
Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him 'cent-less'
I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.
I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.
If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.
I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.
I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.
I failed math so many times at school ... I canβt even count.
Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear
When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!
There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't
They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit β‘Every where I go I see a group of ravens.
Call me crazy, but I think itβs a conspiracy.
the website of Diabetes Support Groups ask for cookies?
I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.
This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.
Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.
So I said to the French girl, Β«quelque choseΒ». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"
I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.
A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. Β«quelque choseΒ» is the French phrase for "something".
A group of English folks, a group of French and a group of Spaniards.
They all needed to get to Germany, but couldn't agree on a mode of transport.
So the English drove, the French took the train and the Spanish flew.
Group of peeps I hang out with are making good Halloween puns involving their user. I need one that can make use of either Vince, Vincevaleker, e11, or Valeker. Any ideas?
They literally canβt even
Like because they literally can't even
Because they just can't even.
Because they canβt even
Because they cant even.
There's been a report of a small group of terrorists defacing frescoes in Padua, Italy. The attackers used cable winches and box cutters defacing the priceless artworks. Conservators have called it the worst episode of Attack on Titian in living memory.
I said, βYes, but I was part of the control group.β
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
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