Chinese takeout $50, gas to get there $10, Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.
Riceless.
There are two things to think of when considering getting married
On the one hand you get to wear a cool ring.
On the other hand you don’t.
There goes my chance of getting the role of Mario in the Super Mario Bros Movie.
Turns out it was little more than a pipe dream.
I stood there wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
While getting ready to go to the beach, my daughter asked me what we can eat if we get hungry there.
And I was just too excited to even hit her with the joke. It was exactly like when Dwight said “what’s updog?”
There were two muffins in an oven, and one says to the other “is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?” Then the second one says-
“AAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!”
Why isn’t there a super hero that instead of being bitten by a spider and getting a spider sense, gets bitten by lice and get a lice sense to kill?
A guy walks into a bank, walks up to the teller and asks, “Have you ever gone someplace and forget what you’re there for?” The teller looks at him, her eyes getting larger and larger.
The guy scratches his head with his gun saying, “I hate when that happens.”
Just PowerPoint me in the direction you want to go and I will Excel at getting us there.
You have my Word
My son ribbed me, "You know dad, even though you're getting up there, your hearing is still really good."
I retorted, "Well son, I guess you could say that I'm just deaf defying!"
Everyone is getting pregnant, there must be something in the air...
I think it's legs.
My dad always said, "There are two ways you know you're getting old. First, you start to forget things."
I can never remember the second one.
There were two muffins in an oven getting baked.
One muffin turned to the other muffin and says, “Geez, it’s getting awful hot in here!” The other Muffin says, “Holy Crap!!! A talking muffin!”
I sat there wondering why the ball was getting bigger..
..and then it hit me
