Did you hear about the Frenchman at the hat shop who kept getting yelled at by his boss?
He got tired of being beret-ted all of the time.
Did you hear about the guy that lost a fight by getting kicked in the mouth?
He now knows the taste of defeet
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
What's the best way to avoid getting killed by sheep?
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Haven't got laid in so long I'm getting turned on by Dwayne Johnson's buttocks
I think I'm hitting ROCK BOTTOM
What do you call Batman and Robin after getting run over by a car?
What did the dad say after getting run over by an 18 wheeler?
I’ve never been more tired in my life!
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.
When getting ready to leave the restaurant, our hot waitress noticed by leftovers and asked: “do you wanna box for that?”
I said: “I’d rather wrestle for it”.
Why isn’t there a super hero that instead of being bitten by a spider and getting a spider sense, gets bitten by lice and get a lice sense to kill?
I saw a student getting arrested by the police for plagiarism.
Everyone is so surprised after getting hit by a calculator...
... I guess they weren't counting on it
Did you hear about the guy getting hit by the same bicycle everyday, day after day..
Yeh it was a vicious cycle!
Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him by a new name
About to go mow the grass after getting stung by a bee
Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"
My stuff is out on the street
I'd make a joke about getting slapped by someone who has wodden hands but....
..I'm not good with slapstick humour.
Have you heard about the guy named Peter getting a death sentence by canon?
I can tell you he was canonized.
I saw my friend getting attacked by a duck, and I tried to warn him.
It only made things worse.
My teenage daughter feels attacked by my jokes... after not getting up on time.
I told her that is her PUNishment..
I’m selling books on how to avoid getting into fights by saying the wrong thing.
Getting Hit by an arrow is Harrowing.
I saw a kid getting bullied by 3 other kids so i decided to step in
He didnt have a chance against the 4 of us
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore, he keeps getting attached by ducks.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog
Was told by a friend he was considering getting chickens...
I told him living with chickens is a lot to coop with
true story
What did the scientist say after getting hit by a sound wave?
What's the difference between a thief that's struggling with depression, and some gum trees getting chopped down by a cat with a chainsaw?
One's a felon feeling glum, and the other is a feline felling glum
Getting dad joked by the tool flyer.
Got the most recent matco tool flyer.
One part of it reads:
"Did you swallow a magnet? Because you're so attractive"
A man was getting squished by two pieces of glass.
Did you hear about the singer of Cheap Thrills and Chandelier getting hit by a train?
She didn't Sia it coming.
I keep getting haunted by the ghosts of snowmen...
What do you call getting squeezed by two llamas?
What did the man say after getting his foot run over by a truck full of shampoo products?
A dad disturbed a bee nest and started getting swarmed by the angry bees...
He BEErly made it out alive.
I think getting eaten by a giant snake would be the best way to die.
Being accepted by that moist maw feet first would give your life perfect symmetry.
Getting incessantly dadjoked by my female boss.
I'm at work today. In my job, I share an office with two other people, and my boss has another office down the hallway.
Currently, all three of us underlings are in the front office. We all are named Josh. For the last two hours, my boss has been calling the front office from her extension and saying, "Bring me the one they call Josh! Is Josh there?!" Then she laughs maniacally and hangs up. This repeats about every five to ten minutes.
I don't know how to make it stop. Please help.
Got dadjoked by my roommate this morning while getting coffee
We went to a bagel and coffeeshop this morning for breakfast. As we were fixing our coffee, two coffee workers began arguing over thrown out bagels.
My roommate looked at me and said, "looks like there's some bagel drama brewing." I told him he will make a great dad some day.
What did they call the dynamic duo after getting run over by a steamroller?
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