What’d that cab driver say to the guy getting in his car with a cheap hooker?
I noticed my shirt had a couple of holes in it when I was getting dressed this morning.
I thought that was pretty cool, 'cuz it gave me somewhere to put my arms.
why don't Greeks like getting up in the morning?
Well, probably because dawn is tough on Greece
What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile ?
2 drunk guys getting into a fight. One gets up and draws a line on the ground. He says "you cross this line and I'll punch you in the face".
That was the punchline...
A monastery in Las Vegas kept getting chips in their donation box
It got so frustrating they decided to hire a chipmunk
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.'
What do they want a medal?
I can’t do good work in Excel without getting compliments,
I really need the validation.
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...
I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
How did the worm feel after getting cut in half?
I was stood in a field the other day wondering why the frisbee coming towards me was getting bigger
You rarely hear of bees getting in trouble
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
I'm concerned about getting trumped in this election.
My baby keeps getting covered in drool.
I need to get a better pillow...
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
Haven't got laid in so long I'm getting turned on by Dwayne Johnson's buttocks
I think I'm hitting ROCK BOTTOM
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.
When is a door also a good container?
When it’s ajar.
The reposts in this app are getting really annoying
Because I've reddit all already
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
In the history of crime literature, which character has been the most effective at getting people out of prison?
The dot "."
It has ended more sentences than anything else.
Did you hear about all the Bears getting sick in China?
Did you hear about the couple getting ready for a day in the desert?
They were dunesday preppers.
I was floating around in space wondering why the moon was getting bigger and bigger.
As I was getting in bed, she said, "you’re drunk."
I said, "How do you know?"
She said, "You live next door."
There's no point in getting mad at lazy people
They haven't done anything
I told my daughter, “Mom keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character and it’s getting really annoying!” She asked, “Are you mad at her?”
“Geez! Don’t you start too!” I screamed.
So, in the Bible, Lot's daughters got him drunk and had sex with him, ultimately getting pregnant...
I bet Lot's wife was salty when she found out.
I was dancing with a woman in a bar and things were getting heated.
"Want to go back to my place?" I asked.
"Of course," she replied.
I said, "Here are the keys. Make sure you let the dog out for a shit."
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldn’t stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.
My grandmother is getting cremated in Kentucky.
Not sure if I should get original or extra crispy.
I just got off the phone with a professor in China. He says it's not worth getting Covid-19
As they are expecting to release Covid-20 Pro in September.
What Do You Call A Fear Of Getting Stuck In A Chimney?
I may not be a dad for a while, but I’m getting some good practice in.
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early ?
Because dawn is tough on Greece
People in Athens hate getting up early
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
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