People shouldn't be afraid of thunder and lightning. The chance of getting struck by lightning is just 1-in-15300. So there's nothing to be afraid of...
But I guess it might be a bit of a bolt statement
While getting ready to go to the beach, my daughter asked me what we can eat if we get hungry there.
And I was just too excited to even hit her with the joke. It was exactly like when Dwight said “what’s updog?”
There were two muffins in an oven, and one says to the other “is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?” Then the second one says-
“AAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!”
There's no point in getting mad at lazy people
They haven't done anything
Why isn’t there a super hero that instead of being bitten by a spider and getting a spider sense, gets bitten by lice and get a lice sense to kill?
A guy walks into a bank, walks up to the teller and asks, “Have you ever gone someplace and forget what you’re there for?” The teller looks at him, her eyes getting larger and larger.
The guy scratches his head with his gun saying, “I hate when that happens.”
Just PowerPoint me in the direction you want to go and I will Excel at getting us there.
You have my Word
There's a lot of talk about zamboni driver David Ayres getting a once-in-a-lifetime win, but I don't think we've seen the last of him in the NHL. /r/hockey/comments/f8c0jh…
I sat there wondering why the ball was getting bigger..
..and then it hit me
My son ribbed me, "You know dad, even though you're getting up there, your hearing is still really good."
I retorted, "Well son, I guess you could say that I'm just deaf defying!"
Everyone is getting pregnant, there must be something in the air...
I think it's legs.
My dad always said, "There are two ways you know you're getting old. First, you start to forget things."
I can never remember the second one.
There were two muffins in an oven getting baked.
One muffin turned to the other muffin and says, “Geez, it’s getting awful hot in here!” The other Muffin says, “Holy Crap!!! A talking muffin!”
