I'm trying to get better at making jokes from blending words together, but all my attempts turn out bad

Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gramineous
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
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I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.

She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fukface_Von_Clwnstik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2021
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My wife said I need to get a better truck...

Dually noted

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Halo4me42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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They better stay peaceful cause other wise they might get chased.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2020
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Better get that 60+ sonblock on, you never know
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UwaltzBigShock
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2018
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Why is it better to get beer in Ireland than in Scotland?

Because in Ireland they Dublin size!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CrazyJT007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2020
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Where do sick horses go to get better?

They don’t. They get shot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/earthrogue
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2020
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My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol

He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2020
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woodnt get better
πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2019
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Banks need to get better at restocking these ATMs

This is now the fifth one that has insufficient funds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2019
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Doesn't get any better than this
πŸ‘οΈŽ 161
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fulback
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2018
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Why does Christmas get better with age?

The more the merrier.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/robbiewesters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2019
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Better do it when you get there.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FOriginal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2019
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Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.

"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
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How do scientists get better breath?

Experimints

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_noIdentity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2019
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As weed legality gets better, I still cannot believe...

that I haven't heard of a single dispensary referring to itself as a "cannabusiness"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cuon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2019
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*Sitting around the campfire with the fam, roasting hotdogs* You'd better eat that hotdog before it gets cold.

Me: Because then it would be ..... a chili dog.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pmia241
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2019
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Did you know that your eyesight actually gets better as you get older?

It's called adult supervision.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JohnThomasSteakhouse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2015
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Where do sick boats go to get better?

To the dock.

Heard it this morning on the Irish classic fm. Loved it!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 94
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jean_bono178
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2018
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Why do Mexican men get better positions out of college?

Because they can apply for seΓ±or positions

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ComedyLover21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2019
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My kid asked me how he could get better at chemistry

I told him not to overreact

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thegamescapes
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2019
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Carn't get better than this
πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2018
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I looked in the mirror this morning and realized I get better looking every day

Becasue there's no way I can get any uglier

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2019
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Why did the 90Β° angle get better grades than the other angles?

Because it's always right

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eagleknight23
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2019
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I’m writing a book about a person who learns to take better care of their hair as they get older

It’s a real combing-of-age story.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Schmoopy_Boo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2018
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Guy used to be in the army. Real good looking guy too. Blond hair, tall, blue eyes. But now tends to sick animals, helping to diagnose and treat them so they can get better.

He's a veteran Aryan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/someredditorguy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2016
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Installing snow tires on the rear of my truck. Noticed they are a little taller than the front tires. Dad says that's ok, I'll get better gas mileage.

"Because you'll always be driving downhill."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fitchgt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2013
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