If someone asks you to chop all his firewood for him, should you be nice and do it for nothing?
In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day
My dad says I blame people for my mistakes all the time...
It's all his fault for raising me that way.
It's a shame that people who spend all day working hard, digging for precious metals can't enjoy a drink at the end of the day.
All because they're miners.
For all the Hindi speaking people out there
After waiting for all these years, it's finally here folks. Happy 2's day
Thanks all for this amazing dadjokes outlet!
I plug in here 3-4 times a day
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't used their muscles at all for the past year?
Did you know NASA sent cheddar to the moon to say sorry for all the misconceptions?
I spent all night searching for the sun
..and then it dawned on me
Which country is all for electric cars?
Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
There was a tree near my house that all the neighbourhood kids loved to climb. I never understood why for a long time, until one day...
I realized it was poplar.
My family wanted me to fly out for the holidays. I told them I couldn't because I was banned by all airlines. When my family asked "why". I looked them dead in the eyes and told them the truth- It's because....
my wife ordered me to stop my flamingo impersonation once and for all
at that point i had to put my foot down.
For all of you people that have Only Fans…
When do you plan to upgrade to air conditioners?
My wife has been playing All Star by Smash Mouth on repeat for the past hour…
I needed to get myself away from this place,
but I said, “Hey, here’s a concept:
I really love this song myself,
but we could all use a little chaaange.”
Disney+ has the Cars movies as well as Cars shorts. Some of the shorts are rated for all ages, but there's a wrestling themed one rated Y7.
Because of all the carnage.
My gf and I are removing old ducting from our house that contains asbestos. She asked if the workers will for sure be able to get rid of it all.
I told her they'll do asbestos they can!
what do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?
They should reboot The Office but they all go and work for USPS.
I would like to appreciate all the married nurses for everything they've done for us
Happy Wed-Nurse-Day everyone
I got coffee for all the higher ups at my company this morning
Because I’m a bit of a chai hard
Have you heard about this new meal plan from Leonardo DiCaprio? He used it to get in shape for all his roles, and now he’s letting everyone else in on it for $10 a month.
It’s called the Pay Leo Diet.
For a show all about Meta-Humans...
CW's The Flash needs to have more meta-humor
All I want for Xmas is.....
My wife left me for another guy. Now all that lies ahead is misery and despair.
I feel really bad for him.
Did you know the lead for Nickelback has been in the nativity scene across all 50 States for 30 years?
He stopped doing it after 30 years. He's played a sheep, a cow, Joseph, and even Mary once...
It turns out he never made it as a wiseman
At least I know who is responsible for all these drugs in schools…
If a gang of clowns is coming for you and all you have is a butter knife,
you need to go for the juggler.
I switched to an all cat company for my life insurance
It covers everything except acts of curiousity
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked the instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”
I went to the store to search for the most British brew of cuppa, all I found was Glottal tea.
Look, I'm all for precision.
But using a ruler is where I draw the line.
I heard all the Mexicans in the U.S. are going on strike for one day to show how vital they are to the economy
They’re calling it Señor Skip Day
And a special message for all those coronaviruses out there: take it easy in 2022, buddies. And please,
don’t strain yourself, ok?
We all scream for ice-cream
ICBMS are targeted for locations all over the world.
Guys, I was up distraught last night. I just couldn’t figure it out. I was looking all over for the Sun. Where had it gone?
But then it dawned on me.
eBay is so useless. I try searching for lighters but all I seem to get is 16142 matches
The pandemic prevented people from traveling, but, luckily for all the logs with #wanderlust, COVID doesn't impact wood.
I was arrested yesterday for blasting Engelbert Humperdinck music all night.
Police released me, let me go.
My Grandpa used to say, “If it wasn’t for me, you’d all be speaking German right now.”
Lovely man… terribly bad foreign language teacher—no idea why the school hired him.
Just overheard this at a Chinese restaurant we were at for lunch...it was all in the delivery
Owner: Have you had a chance to look at the menu?
Customer: Yes
Owner: Excellent. Anything...Peking your interest?
PSA for all guys who are bald and unhappy about it: you should tattoo rabbits all over your head...
Because from a distance they look like hairs.
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
All the vegetables gathered for Thanksgiving dinner. The tomato said…
Did you hear they shared the recipes for all Heinz condiments online?
Yeah, they’re open sauce now
IRL post. My wife and I are looking to buy a swing for our son's 1st birthday. She tells me all the features and says to me it's £60 with delivery and I say....
"I think we can swing that"
Proudest dad joke yet as it flowed so naturally
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