My friend ties fishing line to the zipper of his bitches then throws homemade lures into the water...

He says fly fishing is great fun!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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My friend was very irritated because his fishing pole broke and he had to wind up the fishing line manually.

He was being a reel crank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Remeber, there is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like a moron.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enis_with_a_p
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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I need to buy fishing line

For reel

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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What do u call a guy with no arms and no legs on the end of a fishing line

Bob.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nixonhill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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I went fishing. I was out of worms, but was saving a can of alphabet soup for lunch, so I put some letters on the line and hoped for the best. Moments later, I caught a whopper, and boy, he started talking! The fish said:

"Hooked on phonics worked for me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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How do fish make cocaine lines?

With credit cauds.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 683
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you catch a polar bear?

Polar bears in the wild will seek out holes in the ice in order to catch fish. So in order to catch a polar bear, you cut a good sized hole in the ice and to line the perimeter with sweet peas.

The bear will see the hole and come over to investigate. It will see the peas and become confused. This is your opportunity.

When the bear stops to take a pea, you jump out and kick it in the ice hole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/factoid_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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Fishy..

Trying to come up with a joke based on fish polluting the ocean by pooping in it. Haven't come up with anything but the punch line yet. Bass turds!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VolkRevel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Tried to dadjoke my dad while fishing.

My dad and I were getting our stuff ready and he had some fishing line in his hand.

Me: Dad, what did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

He punched me in the stomach with the roll of fishing line.

Me: What the hell was that?

Dad: The punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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A Fishy Tale.

Salmon once told me that if you can carry a tuna you can be a star - fish aside, it's best not to have a weight and sea approach. Start to give a carp about your jib, carefullly line up your ducks in a roe and when the opportunity comes you'll be reeling! Always remember to never do anything just for the Halibut!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turddicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Not a dad, but planning to pull this one out on my children when I take them fishing

So, I'm carrying around all gear, going out to the river. I "accidentally drop it, and pick most of it up, leaving only some fishing line. I then yell to my son "come on, pick up the slack!"

And one day, I hope he learns from me, and does the same to me. And just when he thinks he's gotten me I responded "you must be trolling".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2pillows
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Went to the fishing shop

So I was at the fishing shop as I needed some new weights. The line was quote long. When I finally got to the front the attendant said "sorry for the wait", I replied "oh, but I came here for the weights". Girlfriend walked out and straight to the car..

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenzor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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How my Dad deals with queue jumpers...

A man pushes in front of me and my Dad in the queue for the turnstiles at a football match

Dad - Do you like fish?

Queue Jumper - Yes, why?

Dad - Because there's a Plaice for you at the back of the line.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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This one was new..

Sister complaining about the woman she was stuck behind in line at the grocery store: "Why would she need 30 lbs of fish???"

Dad: "for the halibut"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
🚨︎ report
There’s a fine line between fishing

and an idiot standing on the shore.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pegun
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad got me when I told him I joined the fishing club

Me: "Hey dad I joined the angling club at school."

Dad: "Fishing?

Or Geometry?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erad17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Fishing for puns

I was going to write a fishing pun, but couldn't find the right line... I asked a mate for help, but that turned into a debait... I tried casting my mind back to when I last heard a fishing pun, but that didn't reely work... If you're also hooked on puns and can help me out, I'd love to sea what fishing stories you can drag up!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunnyGifts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
🚨︎ report

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