It’s a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldn’t whisk for a batter friend.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Today I finally told my family about my hot dog addiction
It was really hard but I managed to mustard all the courage to do so
I finally kicked out my girlfriend about six months ago, and it's been nothing but Happy Days for me since.
The bitch took all the other box sets.
My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.
Round... possibly pear... I haven’t decided yet.
I finally watched Dirty Dancing for the first time.
I had the time of my life.
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.
I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.
I finally got a job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheaded there soon.
The teacher finally got her revenge on me.
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
We are so happy to finally be rid of 2020
But next year will be 2022
(Inspired by the latest joke I read here by u/callingYouForMoney )
Hmmmmmmmmm, I finally had Shawarma yesterday.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
I'm finally replacing my old wireless router...
The rocket scientists finally figured out what when wrong with their missile launch ...
Turns out it was a case of projectile dysfunction.
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
Finally got a steady job, crushing cans
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
I have finally made it
I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time “dad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.
If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.
I finally cut ties with a friend who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is very hard.
Scientists finally had success breeding a donkey and a coyote!
They named it Don Quixote.
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad
What did the lost bee say when he finally found his home?
Hive never been so happy.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
I finally figured out what I'm going to name my dad band...
Saw (goodnight everybody!)
My invention was amazing! After many many attempts, I finally got a two-wheeled vehicle to stand on its own!
I guess tri, tri again is the way.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
I finally got my cat to use a scratching post instead of my couch!
Finally got around to watching the whole “Back to the Future” trilogy!
Did you hear about the Sith apprentice who finally got his printer to work?
I hear the problem was A dam driver.
I finally see why people don’t like the live action DC films!
Because they don’t do the heroes justice
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
They finally caught the guy who's been putting hot sauce in beer mugs
His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.
Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?
They had nothing to go on.
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
He’ll be cutting your grass
I finally hooked up with the girl who said, “You’re like a brother to me”.
I said, “Well, if you incest”.
I finally came out of the closet
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