Do you know what a fucking fatberg is? No? Then let me educate you. A fatberg is like an iceberg. Except instead of on fresh open seas, you find them in sewers and drains. Also, they're not made of ice. They're not only made of fat, either. I wouldn't be so bitter about my life if they were.
Yeah. For the slow amongst you, my job is to go down into sewers and clear massive wads of congealed fryer fat, wet wipes, shit-filled nappies, bloated half-decomposed dead rats, and anything else disgusting that's too big for the drains to flush out. All of it held together by soaking up the constant flow of piss-and-shit water. Lovely.
Today, me and Steve, my piss-and-shit water wading comrade, cleared the biggest fatberg of our career. That's not why I'm writing to you lot, though. Nah. I'm posting here because what we found behind it was… well. That's just it. I have no fucking idea. Even if I did, it wouldn't help. Steve would still be dead, and I'd still be bleeding out in my flat praying that the ambulance arrives in time.
Suffice to say, folks, I've had a bit of a day.
We got the callout to Hampstead Heath about 14:17. Whole road full of drains had overflowed at once. Pure carnage on the street, horrid stench of piss-and-shit water spread half a mile at least. We knew this was going to be a tough old boy to clear before we'd even geared up and climbed down into the dark for a poke around.
Wading through the cramped moist tunnel only took about twenty minutes. Fatbergs aren't that hard to find anyway, but this one smelled so damn bad I could have sworn it was trying to be found, like it was summoning us deeper into the piss-and-shit water-soaked depths. We'd expected big, Steve and I, but when we saw it both of us had to stop and take a second to process. Big wasn't the right word. Not even close.
"Blimey Rob, look at the fucking size of that bastard."
"We knew it was gonna be a big'n, mate."
"Oh don't give me that shite, that's not a big'n, it's the big'n."
"Yeah sure, I've seen bigger."
I hadn't seen bigger, and Steve knew it. He and I had worked the River Fleet for fifteen years. This monstrous hulking mass before us was at least four times as large as any we'd cleared down here before. Ev
... keep reading on reddit ➡Steve and I had been jabbed and scratched at the heels until we were standing in a vast chamber. Along the way, we'd been joined by a few more pairs of prisoners from other cells within the purple hieroglyph-lined maze. In the end, there was a group of eight of us, all shackled, naked, and (with the exception of Steve), terrified.
The chamber we were taken to had such a high ceiling that the sockets from which the glowing purple orb dangled were lost in shadow. I realised that the piss-and-shit water smell was completely gone here. In fact, the air had no scent at all really, to the point that the lack of nasal stimulation was both immediately noticeable and deeply concerning. Replacing smells and scents was a strange sensation that I struggle to put into words, like if electricity had an odour, one that scorched your nostrils and thinned your blood.
In terms of floor space, the chamber was the size of a football pitch, although most of this was taken up by the colossal obelisk in the room's centre. This behemoth construction stood in the middle of a circle of six thick stone pillars that ran from the marble mosaic floor until they too were lost in the darkness above. The ornate columns were lined with more hieroglyphs, although these were much more intricate than those on the walls of the tunnels the lizards had marched us through.
The ring of columns was some way away, so I couldn't really pick out many details of these new carvings. I wasn't paying them too much attention though. Just being honest. I was far too awe-struck by the towering construct the circle of pillars contained. The obelisk was a vast irregular pyramid whose tip stopped just short of becoming lost in ceiling shadow. Save for an empty section about halfway up its face, it appeared to be constructed entirely from the same mottled blue-ish pearlescent metal as the lizard's sickle-tipped spears (the same ones that left a mess of cuts and scratches on my calves and ankles from our march through the tunnels). There were intricate circular patterns carved across every inch of the azure steel, and at various points, some of these circles were hollowed out to allow thick messes of cable to plummet from the hidden interior of the obelisk. Thes
... keep reading on reddit ➡The chamber shook. Cascading debris bounced and clattered off the marble mosaic floor. This rumbling was different to that emanated from the obelisk. It was coming from behind us, from deep within the labyrinthine passages we'd been marched through. The lizards were trying to yell to each other over the din, the panic in their words obvious even though I couldn't understand them. In what little light was afforded by the glowing rock and the beeping machines I could make out Steve. He was furiously yanking and pulling at the hook holding him to the pillar, taking full advantage of the booming distraction.
The purple orbs above flickered once or twice but didn't return to life. The booms from behind continued for a full two minutes, by the end of which the yellow-sashed guards stood with their sickle-tipped spears raised and pointed at the entranceway. New sounds were rising from the tunnels now, in the fleeting silences between the explosions. The first was accompanied by a smell, the distant rushing (and pungent stench) of the piss-and-shit water. Screams were an additional undertone too; echoing reptilian ones from vocal cords far different than ours. There were human screams in the chamber too of course. All seven of us naked remaining prisoners were yelling in terror and copying Steve's chain pulling by this point. However, this wasn't exactly fucking surprising. The fact that something in those tunnels was making the things that made us scream in turn though, that created an additional layer of panic in all of us, including Steve.
I don't know what happened first; Steve and his screaming entourage pulling their hook free from the towering column, or the section of machine-covered wall behind them exploding. The clank of the metal hook falling to the marble mosaic floor happened more-or-less at the exact same time as the dozen-or-so whirring machines flew from the cavernous wall. If it wasn't for the pillar to shield him I'm sure Steve would have died there and then, flattened like four of our eight yellow-sashed guards by a blue-steel projectile. My hands flew to my ears to shield them from the deafening roar of the blast. It didn't do any bloody good. The ringing started straight away, pain shooting f
... keep reading on reddit ➡In case you missed it yesterday, you can find it here.
Fatberg is where the first third of the Cycle 2 metanarrative ends. Behind the innocent people I keep subjecting to nightmares in my stories the stage has been set for what's going down.
So, for those of y'all that have been following Cycle-2 so far, here's a little rundown of where we're at, and a little spoiler-free* look at where we're heading:
*Spoiler-free but, you know, if you like it all being a TOTAL mystery then stop reading now. I ain't about to tell you what's going to happen but we are going to be laying out some key themes, if you don't want no dots to put together then duck out now because we're about to get suuuuper dotty.
-So so far, you've probably gathered that Cycle 2 is pretty focused on Bramfield and IPSET, Roy Sobriquet's book and however it relates to who/what Hahre is, and (as of Fatberg) the formstealers and their god Hhdufj.
-Right now in the metanarrative the not-so-well-resourced IPSET, under Bramfield's directive, has refocused entirely on, as they refer to it, Event-HAHRE. This meant that other key areas became under-resourced, including the arm of IPSET assisting the G'it'thexirian's (AKA the lizards from Fatberg) with keeping Hhdufj contained.
-The formstealers/skintakers/teeth-slugs have been trying to free Hhdufj for a long time, longer than Homo Sapiens Sapiens has existed as a species. Their leader, the Matrioform, has managed to find the location of Hhdufj and liberate the alien god. So, because of Bramfield's focus on Event-HAHRE, they've succeeded.
-The scientists of IPSET were close to developing a weapon which could wipe out the Matrioform and Hhdufj's followers. Then, due to the research into Event-HAHRE, this was bargained away to the formstealers themselves in exchange for more information pertaining to Hahre itself. So, instead of having a weapon which liquidises formstealers but leaves humans unscathed, the formstealers have a weapon which turns human beings into mulch, leaving a sterilised and undamaged human skin suit. Blending in has never been easier, and since the clumsy and violent way they took skins before was one of the easiest ways to track their movements, IPSET has thrown itself completely in the dark about their movements. Why? Only Bramfield knows. Suffice to say that, whatever he believes Hahre re
... keep reading on reddit ➡Now, I don't want y'all to worry. I'm not spiralling off into writing a long ass series based entry that breaks from my 'telling a story with other stories' format. This one is just a bit close to Reddit's word limit (read- might be way over) so I thought it best to split it into 2 parts (it might even run into three, but I'm trying to keep it to two).
I've loved that y'all have been following the meta-narrative. If you've read Dr Anand's email to Director Bramfield (Subject: ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?!), you'll know that Hahre has diverted a lot of resources away from containing a certain entity which, Dr Anand believes, is a much more imminent threat than whatever this Hahre is (if it even exists at all). Is Dr Anand right to be concerned? Has IPSET's focus on Event-HAHRE become a weakness a certain race of skin wearing beings are willing to exploit?
I have a feeling we'll find out soon enough...
So, this weekend I've been reading and rereading u/fainting--goat 's new story about her goosey boyfriend. Honestly y'all should check it out, it's mad.
However, if her tale meant you missed it, Part 2 of Fatberg is now up and here. The final part, the conclusion, will be out on Wednesday.
I'm pleased with how this one is coming along. It's the first tale I've had to fit into three parts, so it's by far the longest. I've done stories that are longer than the individual parts, sure, but the length of this one is still notably bigger.
Good reason, too. By the time y'all get to read Cycle 2 as a complete metanarrative this will be one of the key stories. Hahre is one thing, but they're not the only threat out there. We've been given glimpses of the skintakers/formstealers/toothslugs before, and we know that they've been looking for something. Thanks to Dr Anand's email, we know they may have found it. Could that something be the 'Hhdufj' our unfortunate narrator Rob Sullivan has stumbled upon? And, if it is, how will the formstealers take it from the cold and calculating G'it'thexirian's? Judging from what Rob has told us, it doesn't bode well for our poor narrator no matter the outcome.
How did Rob escape the reptilian G'it'thexirian's? What caused the explosions in the tunnels? How did Steve, the closest thing to a hero we have in our tale, die? I guess we'll have wait until Wednesday to find out...
When we do things, we do them properly, but blimey 1km long!!!
This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 55%. (I'm a bot)
> Engineers are working around the clock to clear a "Monster" fatberg 1km long which is clogging a sewer in Birmingham.
> The blockage is not expected to be removed until June, water services company Severn Trent said in a statement, adding that the fatberg was about four miles east of the city centre, in Hodge Hill.The mass is thought to weigh about 300 tonnes - equivalent to 250 cars.
> The water services company was alerted to the stoppage after its sensors detected rising water levels in the sewer.
> The company said over the past year it had been alerted to thousands of blockages across the region, three-quarters of which had been caused by people misusing the sewer system.
> Thames Water removed 140 tonnes of fatbergs from the drains of Greenwich, Pall Mall and the Shard in 2019.Water providers have launched campaigns to combat the waste issue, which is largely caused by incorrect disposal of non-biodegradable items.
> Thames Water's "Bin it, don't block it" campaign says the company is forced to remove about 75,000 blockages from sewers each year.
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