Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
My daughter wanted to clean her cardboard rocketship with her face cloth...
Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids,
I said, "you don't need to clean your rocketship. It's not dirty. Space is a vacuum"....
I could hear my wife's eyes roll in the next room. Success!
Cant weigh to see their face
My mathematician friend wants to get a tattoo of Pi on his face.
I said, “That’s irrational.”
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.”
/r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
I was going to get a face tattoo but decided to get a neck tattoo instead.
I guess I’ll have to work my way up to it.
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."
If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...
...it does more than meats the eye.
Are you required to wear a face mask and wear glasses?
You may be eligible for condensation.
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said “I like to bill them later.”
I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face
And this is what I call a punch line
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: “Ugh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
They refused to hire the boat assassin to be the face of the company
They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer
Dad: What’s the best way to affix a mask to your face? Me: I don’t know.
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...
He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!
I came out of the bathroom with a sad look on my face and turned to my wife
"I guess my dad was right after all"
...
"I am full of shit"
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?
I've decided to start making face masks for ducks
Nothing too fancy, but they fit the bill
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I asked someone to make me face masks...
I had a tumor that made it uncomfortable to lie on my back, so I had to sleep face down.
Doc said it was prostrate cancer.
Guess I'm prone.
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.
“Don’t look down!” said my friend above me.
So I started smiling.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
When the US first conceptualized the $100 bill they were thinking of putting the face of Jesus, as his ability to come back to life was greater than any wealth.
It would've been the 1 undead dollar bill
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?
He said “i cant believe its not Buddha”
People keep asking me to make them face masks
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...
I just fell face first in to a pile of herbs..
I told my friend to give me a sharpie to write a joke on his face, I threw it away...
he asked why? I said "Your face is a joke"
My boss insists on face to face communication.
But my only way to work is broken down, and I just can't bring myself to tell him.
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
What must a president do to get their face on a dollar bill?
A "helen" could be used as a measurement of beauty, defined as a face that could launch a thousand ships. However, one should not use a "millihelen" to mean that a face could only launch one ship...
...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.
i think i’m allergic to this face wash... every time i use it, it KIEHL’S me.
A bunch of boxers are waiting in a queue to hit a man in the face
The punchline is in the title
Apple’s newest product attaches directly to your face!
Are you currently wearing a face mask and glasses to work?
You may be eligible for condensation.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
That was the punchline...
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..
I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
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