Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wanted to clean her cardboard rocketship with her face cloth...

Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids,

I said, "you don't need to clean your rocketship. It's not dirty. Space is a vacuum"....

I could hear my wife's eyes roll in the next room. Success!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tren898
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Cant weigh to see their face
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prabeshdai13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My mathematician friend wants to get a tattoo of Pi on his face.

I said, β€œThat’s irrational.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.” /r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goldendarren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to get a face tattoo but decided to get a neck tattoo instead.

I guess I’ll have to work my way up to it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnjm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...

It was stolen from right under my nose.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...

...it does more than meats the eye.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you required to wear a face mask and wear glasses?

You may be eligible for condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokb3o
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.

I asked about it once and he said β€œI like to bill them later.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yumi_arizona
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face

And this is what I call a punch line

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pink-team-leader
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: β€œUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”

β€œThat was pepper spray.”

Got me!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gorescittmore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
They refused to hire the boat assassin to be the face of the company

They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevhaar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: What’s the best way to affix a mask to your face? Me: I don’t know.

Dad: Masking tape.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FolksyDrop97879
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...

He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDrew007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I came out of the bathroom with a sad look on my face and turned to my wife

"I guess my dad was right after all"

...

"I am full of shit"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mullattobutt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?

You're so shellfish!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mockturtle22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to start making face masks for ducks

Nothing too fancy, but they fit the bill

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turtlegoesboom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.

It said, "You look ugly without a beard."

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked someone to make me face masks...

They turned out sew sew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a tumor that made it uncomfortable to lie on my back, so I had to sleep face down.

Doc said it was prostrate cancer.

Guess I'm prone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.

β€œDon’t look down!” said my friend above me.

So I started smiling.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...

Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When the US first conceptualized the $100 bill they were thinking of putting the face of Jesus, as his ability to come back to life was greater than any wealth.

It would've been the 1 undead dollar bill

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?

He said β€œi cant believe its not Buddha”

πŸ‘︎ 246
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basecamp13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
People keep asking me to make them face masks

They know me sew well.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldingMonk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...

The decision was rash.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I just fell face first in to a pile of herbs..

Now I'm parsley sighted.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my friend to give me a sharpie to write a joke on his face, I threw it away...

he asked why? I said "Your face is a joke"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pacson_So_Funny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss insists on face to face communication.

But my only way to work is broken down, and I just can't bring myself to tell him.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.

Boy, was my face red!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What must a president do to get their face on a dollar bill?

Something noteworthy

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditorsass9802
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A "helen" could be used as a measurement of beauty, defined as a face that could launch a thousand ships. However, one should not use a "millihelen" to mean that a face could only launch one ship...

...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask /r/Jokes/comments/fdtyi2/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PigeonGang1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
i think i’m allergic to this face wash... every time i use it, it KIEHL’S me.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wheezy48
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A bunch of boxers are waiting in a queue to hit a man in the face

The punchline is in the title

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ollieacappella
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Apple’s newest product attaches directly to your face!

Introducing the iLash

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Are you currently wearing a face mask and glasses to work?

You may be eligible for condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crackmytoes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 274
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..

I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mudpucket2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.