Due to the recent increase in [ENTITY: USERS] the [ENTITY: ADMINISTRATION] has decided to temporarily [ACTION: SUSPEND] 5th Dimensional existence. You may still use dimensions 4 and lower but please do not [ACTION: EXSERT] more energy than needed for basic functions such as taking [OBJECT: MEDICINE]
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Euphyllia divisa of the family Euphyllidae is a species of hermatypic coral distributed throughout the central Indo-Pacific. They occur in shallow reef environments between 2-35 m of depth. Colonies grow over 1 m across and are flabello-meandroid with exsert septa.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coralenthusiast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anywhereiroa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leckzsluthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frexyincdude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Acadia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychedeIic_Sheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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Australian Cattle Dog (Queensland Heeler) Needs rehoming ASAP

Update: I made a post on Craiglist and this Amazing kind man was willing to meet KiKi even given all of KiKi's issues and they met and everything went really well. He was really a blessing because my sister was trying to take him to a shelter where I'm sure he would have been put down and thank god this man was so kind and understanding and now KiKi has a new home with a nice man. Thank you all for the tips and advice. Thanks, Y'all.

KI Ki his name is ki ki. 7-year-old Male Nurtured Blue Heeler about 55 pounds is very sweet and loving and he needs to be rehomed. If anyone knows of any Queensland Heeler Rescues in Missouri that would take an unsocialized dog. Long story short my sister lives in a small apartment and cannot keep him. She cannot provide the exercise that is needed for him. He stays in a small apartment all day and she will only take him out to go to the bathroom. She has a year old son and he is constantly pulling his hair and ears and Ki Ki nipped at her son's face and she cannot take care of the dog anymore. I would take him but I also live in a small apartment and we cannot give the dog the attention that it needs either. He is a very athletic dog, smart, cuddly, and strong. He would make a GREAT cattle dog. He is house trained, he is very smart, and will let us know when he has to go potty. He is trained to sit and do basic commands.

The truth about Ki Ki:

- He has not been properly socialized at a young age as he should have been. He did use to live with his dog brother from when he was born to about 2 years old. He also lived with our older dogs and didn't have any problems with them. He was always the dominant and intense dog out of the bunch but he co-existed with the other dogs and it was fine.

- My sister moved to Missouri and she brought Ki Ki out here and he lived with 2 other dogs and co-existed with them also but she said that she had to feed him separately because he would get possessive around food.

- she has been living in her current apartment for 2 years and he has been the only dog in the house. We tried introducing him back to our old family dog that he used to live with and he gets aggressive with him. Whenever he sees another dog he just gets very aggressive now.

- introducing him to people is a process and it takes him time to warm up to people. He does eventually warm up to people and he will lay on you and lick him if you give him treats and especially if you met him outside of his territory (the apartment)

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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What is a a bisexual person doing when they’re not dating anybody?

They’re on standbi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toby-the-Cactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampy311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paulie_Felice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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Can a single tomato have both cross- and self-pollinated seeds?

I'm growing several different varieties of tomatoes in very close proximity, and saving seeds. I don't mind if I get a few accidental crosses, but I do want to make sure the majority of the seeds are true to the parent.

So if some pollen from another variety floats past a flower, and then I also vibrate that same flower to release its own pollen, will every single seed in that fruit be a cross? Or will the fruit end up with both crossed and true seeds?

I just need to figure out if I need to save seeds from multiple fruits to guarantee some parent-true seeds, or if a single fruit from each plant will suffice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TBSchemer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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E or ß?
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazekam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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No spoilers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onfour
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Pun intended.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharmaji1301
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing, he was gladiator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rj104
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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Covid problems
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theincrediblebou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lance986
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/designjeevan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Spi__
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djcarves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoughtPumP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sk2ec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majorpain2006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTreelo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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School Was Clothed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennydoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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Letting loose with these puns
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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Couch potato
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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Baka!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ridi86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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All dad jokes are bad and here’s why

Why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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concrete πŸ—Ώ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

It’s pronounced β€œNoel.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beef_fried_rice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?

After all his first name is No-vac

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hangryman23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

  • Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

  • French/Finnish art

  • Country/Canadian rap

  • Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

  • Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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That’s Michelle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLEXSEALBREAKER
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonStimpo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackerboi1198
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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is Isn't
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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