How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?
Goodwill Haunting.
You are holding it at the lit end.
Did you hear the joke about experiencing déjà vu?
Someone dial 9 - Juan - Juan.
"Damn, I've never eaten such a mushroom before."
There was a lot to unpack.
a coconut 🍫😵💫🥥
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced. "Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
Because they're experienced branch managers.
Curious to know, cos I'm still doing the math.
Desperate, slightly unpleasant men will be clamoring for your interest.
One turns to the other and says “is it getting too hot in here?”
The other replies “oh my god, your a talking muffin.”
It was probably in your sub-conscious
Geez that's a lot
I couldn’t see straight.
They are now heir friars.
Have you ever experienced Déjà vu?
High Stakes
Now I have BTS-D
Must be because it's auGUST
Toot Suite
The country is out of common cents.
experienced husband starts from the top. "honey, where is the car?""at the bottom of the pool"
And it actually worked. Clearly my-grains were the issue here.
I'm fine, just a little shaken.
Propablo Exobar.
And then I paid the chiropractor
One Sunday morning, he started having a fever, headache and a cold so he decided to go to the hospital to have himself tested. After the test, he talked with the doctor who told him that he tested negative for Coronavirus - it was just Saturday night fever.
It’s Dublin every day
He is a changed man from that experience
(I don’t know if this is a repost, if it is I apologize)
I only know a whittle.
I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles, and now I’m experiencing some unexpected vowel movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
Argicultured.
Experts say its the lack of fans.
He knew he was experiencing Deja Moo.
The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.
Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.
As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."
As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".
Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.
“I’m experiencing window pane.”
Aware wolf.
... please hold while we turn our phones down.
You probably shouldnt be holding the lit end
