Great power, great responsibility, etc.
My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just won’t come. She’s tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said “any means necessary.”
To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.
My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.
In our house It's really causing some division
Before quarantine my father loved to tell jokes related to the context, he said police jokes to policemen, bar jokes in bars, dad jokes to other dads etc... And he misses it
Now it's only inside jokes
I recently walked down a street with the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, 1mb etc
That was a trip down memory lane
Question, do I have to watch oneis twois etc before I watch tennis?
Dude’s going to Maine and there’s a city called “Bangor” which is kind of like the word “banger” which means really cool, fun, great, etc.
I hate those "loyalty cards" that you get from Starbucks, etc.
I got "too many" points on one of them, and now I'm not allowed to drive :(
My wife found out she's pregnant (pregante, pragnent, etc.) and graduated college at the same time!
She earned her MA degrees!
I have a rare condition that prevents me from putting on foundation, mascara, eyeliner, etc.
No really, you can’t make this up.
Dracula's wife is divorcing him because he cheated. She wants it all, the castles the coffins, etc...
She's going to bleed him dry!
I always try to show my appreciation for the people at the movie theater who sell me my popcorn, soda, candy, etc.
After all, these people make a lot of concessions at work.
Why don’t companies release a model 9 for their products (iPhone 9, Windows 9, etc.) ?
My daughter is 14 and dating. Her boyfriend’s name is Braden, I think..so I just use any B name that comes to mind to annoy her. Braden, Brody, Bradley, Brandon, Bruce, Bryce, etc. Looking for more suggestions! I also talk gangster to her all the time to get her going. Being a ‘Dad Joke’ Dad is fun!
The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.
This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.
Photos here:
https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3
Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!
Friend was deathly allergic to peanuts so Dad was asking if he was allergic to all type of nuts, hazelnuts, walnuts etc. He went silent...
If I’m out in space, and I crush up fruits, vegetables, berries etc to be thrown into the galaxy, would that be considered a space jam?
reddit.com/r/teenagers/co…
My kids' diapers have characters like Eeyore, Tigger, Piglet, etc...
Occasionally I tell my wife, "We can't use that one, it already has Pooh on it."
I hope I don't get banned from Reddit if I were to start subs related to toboggans, fedoras, beanies, caps, visors, sombreros, etc.
Because then I'd be promoting hat groups.
[Request] Puns about bugs/insects etc and Christmas
Start a shop selling rugs, mats etc. Call it...
1. Blue plastic bucket for watering, car-washing, etc. 2. Red plastic bucket for mopping floors, cleanup from painting, plumbing disasters. 3. Green metal pail for compostable table scraps.
...and that's my Bucket List.
A chef found that the second, third, fifth, seventh, 11th, etc. batches of broth he made would turn into simple organic molecules
Turns out it was prime ordinal soup!
People in cities who grow their own basil, oregano, etc...
Need a pun for a name with geography, world locations, etc.
Some friends and I are in a group message with all our names as geography puns, like Anna Montanta, etc. One guy, Joey, also goes by Joe needs one. We've all out our heads together but who other than Reddit to come up with the best one.
I should start a company that makes sinks, bathtubs, toilets, etc.
I'll call it Rub A Tub Tub.
Justin Bieber should hire a stand-in for shows for when he gets sick etc. called..
Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...
"I can see a boat, canoe?"
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