You cannot escape from spiders
They have a World Wide Web!
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︎ May 11 2021
A panda escaped the zoo last night.
There was mass panda-monium.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from prison?
Yeah, there's a small medium at large
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︎ Apr 14 2021
There were 2 ancient soldiers on a boat escaping Greece.
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︎ Apr 21 2021
My chickens escaped and over my yard...
I wasn't expecting the coop d'etat.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Multiple dogs escaped their handlers
Police are chasing some leads now
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Hard to keep Track of stuff
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Why did Karen press CTRL + ALT +DEL?
She wanted the task manager
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︎ Mar 20 2021
If I had a Stable, I would be careful about my horses after sunset. If one of them escaped after sunset,
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Where can you buy quick escapes?
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︎ Mar 03 2021
No escape from reality
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︎ Jun 07 2020
Today I saw a prison guard berating a dwarf inmate who was trying to escape by climbing down a drainpipe.
I thought it was a little condescending.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
What do you call a chubby psychic?
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︎ May 01 2021
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Prisoner: "I'm sorry I tried to escape. "
Guard: "I'm not mad. Just very disappointed. "
REMEMBER KIDS....NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the world are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
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︎ Oct 26 2020
I saw a lobster escape a grocery store tank
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Escape
A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.
When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
A dwarf who was a mystic escaped from jail.
The news said there was a small medium at large.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Officer: how did the hacker escape?
Me: I dunno, he ransomware
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︎ Dec 09 2020
A guy got two dogs and named them One and Two. One has unfortunately escaped.
But it's ok, he still has Two left.
(Thanks for the joke, dad).
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Do you know how I escaped from Δ°raq?
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︎ Dec 05 2020
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What do you say to applaud the vermin that managed to escape the breakfast porridge?
Congee-rat-lations π¬π¬π¬
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I think space exploration is a waste of time.
There are many better things to do for leisure than stare at a computer keyboard all day.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
No escape
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︎ Jun 08 2020
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved ESCAPE VELOCITY
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Imagine you're in a pitch dark room and you have no idea how to escape.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Prisoner - I am sorry. I tried to escape
Guard - I am not mad. I am just.....disappointed.
Moral - DONT LET YIUR GUARD DOWN
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︎ Oct 18 2020
I watched a dwarf escape from prison today. As he climbed down the fence, he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "Hmmm, that's a little condescending."
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︎ May 06 2020
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
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︎ Oct 03 2020
There's no escape
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︎ May 28 2019
How did the computer hackers escape?
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Have you heard about the lions that escaped from the circus last night?
I heard they went straight to the juggler
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Fire Escape
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︎ Jun 02 2020
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
A man has three dogs
A man has three dogs. The 1st is named Max. The 2nd, named Brutus, and the third named Clarice. One day, the owner comes home to find his childhood stuffed animal in pieces on the floor, cotton strewn about everywhere. In an effort to find out who the culprit is he lines up his three dogs. Looking at them he asks the 1st, βMax, did you do this?β Max wagged his tail and didnβt move from his spot. The owner looks over to the third, Clarice, who has taken it upon herself to lay down for some naps. As he looks into the middle of the two, he can see a tuft of cotton escaping from his snout and exclaims: βPet two, Brutus?β
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︎ May 12 2021
A psychic midget escaped from prison.
There's a small medium at large.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
An infamous psychic dwarf has escaped from the local prison!
There's a small medium at large.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
What do you call a midget magician that escaped from prison?
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from prison?
News paper headline read βsmall medium at largeβ
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︎ Feb 07 2021
What do you call a fortune telling midget who just escaped from prison?
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︎ Jan 11 2021
Did you see the headline about the psychic midget who escaped from prison???
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Prisoner: "I am sorry, I tried to escape."
Guard: "I'm not mad, just disappointed."
(Remember kids, never let your guard down)
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Do you wanna know how I escaped Iraq?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
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︎ Oct 28 2020
"Officer, how did the hacker you were following, escape ?"
"Don't know he just ransomware"
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︎ Jul 11 2020
What do you call a psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?
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︎ May 24 2020
Why did Karen press Shift-Control-Escape on her PC?
She wanted to see the Task Manager.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
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