Enlargement Puns

It was easy, both are basically implants.

You know urine trouble.

Me: "So we need to subtractnoids?"

No son, I had my scalp enlarged.

My great aunt died recently. My mom called and told me at school. I guess my aunt had fallen asleep on the couch and never woke up. She had an enlarged heart, the doctors said, and it gave out on her while she was sleeping.

I didn't really know my aunt, but my mom grew up with her. So I asked my mom if she was okay.

"Yeah I'm okay," she said. "I will miss her, but she died peacefully. She was a good woman. She had a really big heart."

While watching Penn and Teller: Bullshit. The episode is Sex, sex, sex.

Dad: "Hey Ejgamer, what are you watchin'?"

Me: "This lady who can enlarge boobs through hypnosis."

Dad: "You mean hypno-tits?"

Me: "Yeah but I'm pretty sure it'll be a bust."

Obligatory groans ensued.

I ordered a l dry erase calendar from Amazon, and it arrived today. My wife got the package asked me "Honey, did you order something off of Amazon?" Me "oh yeah, it's my penis enlarger" Her "ha ha. It's a really big box" Me "damnit, they sent the wrong thing"

Be careful what you purchase on eBay

Spent $50 on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

Instructions said don't use in the sunlight.

*Yep, my dad sent this gem to me in the form of a forward email from my grandfather...